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“I like the way you feel too,” I admitted. What was the point in lying?
“Cuddle buddies are the best.”
I chuckled. “Shut up and go to bed, Corbin. We have to get up early for work.”
“Yes, CB,” he replied playfully, threw his leg over my body, and did just as I said.
CHAPTER NINE
Corbin
I’d said it before, and I would say it again—cuddle buddies were awesome.
I’d slept in Spencer’s bed every night this week. Every morning the alarm would go off, he’d get ready for his day while I returned to my apartment and got ready too, and then we’d each go to work. Depending on my schedule, some mornings I woke up earlier than he did to go to the gym before heading to the office. In the afternoon, I’d sometimes hit up the gym, and I’d met with Marcus once—not telling him about me and Spencer yet—but then in the evening, Spencer and I always had dinner together. We’d watch TV or just sit around and talk. Spencer would open up his arms and let me crawl inside, which was the same thing he did when we went to bed every night.
I couldn’t pretend I understood it, but I also didn’t give a shit about that. All I knew was it made me feel…cared for? Protected? Maybe that sounded dumb since I didn’t need to be protected from anything, but it just made me feel special in a way I never had. Deep down I knew Spencer was only doing it for me. I highly doubted he was like, I can’t fucking wait to cuddle Corbin tonight! But it wasn’t how it felt in his arms. There I was wanted, and as shallow as that made me, I needed to feel wanted. Sure, it had been less than a week, but I hadn’t even hooked up with a guy since we started this, and yet, I didn’t miss it. I loved sex. I loved getting off with someone, but right now if I had the choice of finding a random guy online to have a quickie with or nuzzling into Spencer’s body while we watched a true-crime show, I would pick the second one every time.
What I had done was message Christopher. We’d spoken a few times, but I just didn’t feel that connection. He was nice enough, but nothing screamed out at me to meet up with him. Nothing told me this guy could be my first real boyfriend. Who knew this whole thing would be so hard?
These were the things I was thinking about while Spencer slept behind me, making me the little spoon while I felt a very prominent erection against my ass.
Maybe I could have sex with Spencer. I’d definitely be down for that. There was no doubt that my CB turned me on. I liked the feel of his chest hair against my skin. I liked that he was bigger than I was. His confident smile, broad chest, and…yep. My dick was in the game now, but I worried it would fuck up the cuddling. Like I’d said, the cuddling was more important now.
Also…why was waking up next to him on a Saturday morning when neither of us had to go to work so much more awkward?
When Spencer moaned, his breath skating across my cheek, I couldn’t help wiggling back. I mean, sometimes my ass had a mind of its own.
“You did that on purpose,” he said, finally waking up.
“I did not.” I turned in his arms so we were facing each other. Spencer cocked a brow. “Fine, I did. I haven’t had sex in a while, and you’re really hot.”
“You know you can have sex, right? We’re not committed in any way. We’re—”
“Friends who cuddle. Yes, I know.” But then I’d have to take time away from him, and I didn’t want to. I looked at his bulge. “Or we could have sex.”
“We’re not going to hook up,” Spencer replied.
Something pinched inside my chest, and the quiet voice in my head, the one that always told me no one would want me, tried to break free. Which was fucked up when you thought about it because I knew men wanted me all the time. I didn’t ever have to spend a night alone if I didn’t want to, but they wanted me for what they saw on the outside. Not what was inside. They wouldn’t have wanted me if I were the boy I used to be.
“Hey,” Spencer said, hooking his finger beneath my chin and tilting my head up. “Not because I don’t want you—I wanted you the first night I saw you, both in college and when I moved in next to you—but because you’re my friend and I want to do right by you. I still feel like shit about some of the things I said to you. I don’t want you to ever feel used by me.”
