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I looked over to see Marcus pulling Kai close to him. Their foreheads touched, arms around each other, and I knew Kai was reeling Marcus in, the way no one could, not even me. Kai leaned in, whispering something in Marcus’s ear. Marcus closed his eyes, nodded, kissed Kai’s lips, and then pulled away.
“Come’ere, kid.” Marcus tugged me to him, and I went easily. His strong arms wrapped around me, holding me tight. I breathed in the familiar scent of him, the first person who made me feel beautiful, the first boy to kiss me, something he had done just for me and not because we were sexually attracted to each other. He was my rock, my biggest supporter, and I needed him to understand what this was with Spencer.
“I don’t really know what this thing is that I’m doing with him. I know it sounds crazy, but I need it. He makes me feel…good.” He did, didn’t he? Spencer made me feel good, his friendship made me feel that way, laughing with him did, and burying my face in his neck, his soft body against mine, made me feel protected and cared for. And for the first time in my life, even if this was something Marcus couldn’t get behind, I would do it because I didn’t want to walk away from it. From Spencer. “I’m not gonna stop…even if you don’t understand. I want your support, but—”
“Since when have I not had your best interests at heart? If you say he makes you feel good, then I got your back and I’m down for it. But I’m not playin’. He fucks up and—”
“We know, baby.” Kai patted Marcus’s shoulder. “Big, tough man will defend best friend.”
Marcus pulled away, and I said, “Beach Bum and Poddy hug.” Some of them laughed, some rolled their eyes and grumbled, but we came together, the seven of us in a group hug with me at the center. My heart squeezed with love for them, but that newer emotion dug in again, the one that made me feel left out and alone. “I really need to find a boyfriend so I have someone here with me too. Plus, I miss sex.”
I felt them still around me.
“What?” I asked.
“You’re not having sex?” Parker asked.
“No. I told you the thing with Spencer isn’t sexual. I want it to be, but I also don’t want to ruin what we have, and I’m not sure I’m ready to find a forever person like you guys did.” Or if I would ever be able to find a forever person outside of my friends. Maybe no one would want me that much?
“You always have sex,” Declan said.
“Did you just call me a slut? Thanks!”
Declan rolled his eyes.
Elliott asked, “Did you and Spencer agree not to fuck other people while you do your cuddle-buddy thing?”
Why were they freaking out about this? “No. He knows I’m looking for a boyfriend because of you guys. I talk to him about Christopher, but like I said, I’m not feeling it.”
“Is Spencer having sex with other people?” Kai popped in.
“Not that I know of. When would either of us do that? We’re always together.”
Marcus said, “Jesus, Corbin. You’re not hooking up, which isn’t normal for you. You’re spending all your free time with this guy. You’re going on dates with him and—”
“We didn’t go on a date,” I interrupted him.
Kai grinned. “Yes, you did, sweetie.”
“You sleep in his bed every night, and he cuddles you…” Parker added.
“Congrats, Corbin. You have your first boyfriend!” Elliott’s hand came down on my shoulder and squeezed.
“I…” No, I didn’t. We were CBs. There was a huge difference, right?
“Well,” Declan said, “not without a conversation with Spencer, but you basically know what it’s like to have a boyfriend now.” Declan shook his head like he didn’t understand me.
“Except the sex,” I added.
“Not everyone has sex,” Sebastian told me, which was true. Sex wasn’t a necessity for a romantic relationship.
“We’re not boyfriends.” But I could see why it looked like we were. We were tentative with the friend thing—though it didn’t really feel like we were tentative. It felt right…natural…and also, maybe he was still hung up on Fuckface DJ…
My gut clenched. I hated that guy and I didn’t even know him, and…holy fuck. Was I jealous?
“I’m feeling dizzy. I think I need to sit down.”
Everyone laughed but Sebastian, who, being the nice guy, led me to the couch. I thought DJ was a fuckface, but add in the fact that I was jealous of Spencer’s ex and… Noooooo. This couldn’t mean what I thought it meant.
“You okay?” Marcus sat down beside me.
Christopher was hot, but I didn’t want to meet up with him. I wanted to spend all my time with Spencer.
I maybe wanted to have a specific boyfriend.
Or at least, I maybe wanted to date him and see if we could be a match.
