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I was shaking, and it took me a moment to realize Spencer was rubbing my back. Supporting me, giving me strength. I was already so used to receiving it from him.
“That’s not fair to us. You’re putting your struggles on our shoulders,” Dad said.
“No, I’m not. I’m telling you how I feel, about the things I experienced. I…I love you guys, but…but I have to go.” I stood, Spencer doing the same beside me.
No one said a word as Spencer and I walked out. The second we were on the porch, Spencer held my face in his hands, his eyes gazing at me in a way I couldn’t even put into words.
“Jesus, baby. I’m so fucking proud of you,” he said, before dropping his mouth to mine.
I was scared…confused…sad…but I was proud of me too.
On the drive home, I tried not to think about what just happened. I shouldn’t feel guilty, but I did, and yet that didn’t take away from the pride coursing through my body. It was strange as fuck to feel so many conflicting emotions at the same time. All I knew was, those comments hurt. They’d been in my head my whole life, telling me to watch what I ate, only I hadn’t let myself acknowledge them. Or I did, and yet I didn’t see the connection because they were in my voice. But my voice had learned it from my family, and also, hell, a million other voices—people on the internet, on TV, in school, everywhere.
I didn’t know what had made it all click tonight, but then, that was a lie, wasn’t it? I glanced over at Spencer as he drove. At his adorable fucking bow tie and those big, beefy arms he held me with. The way his tongue sneaked out and he licked his lips, and his soft, round belly, and how good it felt to rest my cheek on it. How he didn’t let that define who he was. He was…really fucking beautiful. So damn handsome and sexy, so why did the thought of even putting one pound on myself make me feel like no one would want me?
I might not have that figured out tonight, but I’d still taken one step forward.
Because of him.
“I feel like I can fly. Like I just accomplished this amazing fucking feat. It’s killing me not to crawl into your lap and ride your cock right now.”
“Jesus,” Spencer hissed, just before I reached over and cupped his massive bulge.
“Can I have this tonight? I want to feel you deep inside me, and since we both know how great my hole is, clearly it’s a treat for you too.”
Spencer let out one of my favorite laughs, one that showed he really enjoyed something I’d said. “There’s no chance I’ll turn you down. It is a really great hole.”
“Fucking fantastic.”
“Exquisite,” he added.
“You said exquisite,” I teased. “I feel like we’re on Bridgerton.”
He chuckled. “Because I said exquisite?”
“Come on. You can’t pretend we hear that word often in everyday life. Now will you hurry up and get home so you can fuck me?”
“Yes, sir!” he replied, and stepped on the gas.
We were laughing as he drove over the speed limit to get us back to the apartment. The second we were inside, our shoes came off, and I basically attacked his mouth with mine, like I wasn’t sure if I wanted to kiss him or suck his face off. I was feeling very needy.
Spencer’s hands went to my ass, cupping it and tugging me closer to him, kissing me just as messily and hungrily as I did him.
We tugged at each other’s clothes, at our own clothes, all wild hands and frantic movements as we worked to get naked.
I dropped to my knees, pressed my lips against his belly before nuzzling his groin, his balls, rubbing my cheeks all over him, wanting to be imprinted with Spencer’s scent. “I don’t think anyone’s ever turned me on as much as you,” I admitted.
“Fuck…I feel the same.” He threaded his fingers through my hair just as I took his cock into my mouth. I sucked him deep, bobbing on him, taking him to the back of my throat. Every now and again, I’d gag, but I kept going, needing more of Spencer, wanting to taste him and suck him and be fucked by him as much as I could…because while I knew he was physically attracted to me, Spencer cared about me too, in ways no one but the Beach Bums ever had. I felt accepted with him even though I was a mess, and it was that acceptance that had helped me take one small step forward tonight.
I sucked him, playing with his balls, then cupping his ass. The weight of his dick on my tongue was addictive, the taste of his skin mouthwatering, and the scent of him…well, I wanted to find a way to bathe in that shit. My cock was throbbing, but right then, all I needed was to keep pleasuring him.
