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“This wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with your therapist appointment today, would it?”
“Oh, I have a therapist appointment? I totally forgot!” Clearly, I was a liar. It had taken me three weeks to get in with someone, and it was maybe the fastest three weeks of my life.
He ran his fingers through my hair, basically petting me. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take the day off? I can’t go in with you, but I’ll drive you there and wait in the car. Afterward, we can go do something fun, or if you’re worn out, then we can just come home, get naked, and do your stay-in-bed-cuddling idea.”
“Can we skip the appointment and do the rest?” I asked, even though it wasn’t really what I wanted. This was something I had to do, wanted to do, because it was so damn exhausting when my mind didn’t consistently match up with what I knew my body was…when I worried about what I ate and obsessed about how much attention I got online. I didn’t know how long I could keep pretending I was okay.
“Baby,” he said softly, now gently scratching my scalp with his blunt nails.
I sighed. “No. Don’t go with me. This is something I have to do on my own.” Because as much as I loved Spencer, I couldn’t always depend on him, and for this to work, I had to do it for myself, not because he was tagging along to make sure it happened.
I tried to get out of bed, but Spencer pulled me on top of him. “I’m so fucking proud of you. We’ll get through it together, and I’ll be prepared to give you all the snuggles tonight.”
A grin tugged at my lips. I liked making Spencer proud. “Naked snuggles?”
He laughed. “Always.”
I pressed a quick kiss to his lips. This time Spencer let me go when I got out of bed.
We showered together while I thought about the fact that basically all my day-to-day items had made their way to Spencer’s apartment. All my toiletries were here, and the clothes I wore were here. I couldn’t remember the last time I slept in my own apartment that was just next door. We hadn’t discussed officially moving in together, probably because it was too soon for that, but I couldn’t quiet the voice in my head that wondered if maybe Spencer just didn’t want to live with me…like maybe he knew this would be too much and he’d eventually get tired of a boyfriend who had the issues I did.
“You okay?” he asked, and I realized I was just standing there, spacing out.
“Yeah, fine. Sorry.”
When we got out, I grabbed my phone and took a photo of myself in a towel to post. It was ridiculous that I hoped people saying nice things about me would help me make it through today, but that was just how I worked.
“Do you want to drop me off at work on your way?” Spencer asked. Even though I had an early appointment, I’d taken the day off because I wasn’t sure I would feel like working after whatever torture I was likely in for.
“But then I have to pick your punk ass up later,” I teased.
“You love my punk ass.”
I really fucking did. “Ugh. Fine. Whatever you say.”
Spencer tried to make me a smoothie before we left, but I wasn’t having it. There was no way I could put anything in my stomach before I went to spill my guts to a stranger about all my insecurities.
Despite traffic, it didn’t take me long to get to the center. I pulled into the lot, and seconds after I had the car in park, Spencer’s hands were on my face, pulling me in for a kiss, and that…fuck, that did help calm the storm inside me. “You got this, and I love you.”
“I love you too.” Go with me. I changed my mind. Take the day off and go with me.
I didn’t let those words slip out, not because we weren’t learning to communicate with each other, but again, because I needed to do this on my own.
“Call me if you need me, okay?”
“Okay.”
I was pretty sure the universe worked against me as the traffic just…parted to let me through. Okay, maybe not, but it sure seemed to be less busy than it should be on a weekday in Southern California.
My appointment was in fifteen minutes, so I decided to wait in the car as long as I could. It was only moments later when the first text came through.
Marcus: I love you, kid. I’m proud of you. I’m here if you need me.
Parker: Hey, you. We’re all with you today! We love you, Corb. Always. No matter what.
Declan: I’d say drinks would be on me tonight, but drinks are regularly on me at my bar. I’m just giving you shit. You got this today. We’re all in your corner.
