Page 15 of Chase

Chase was missing when I woke up the next morning, and he hadn’t come to me when I’d woken up screaming again from another nightmare. It left me wondering if maybe he’d gotten what he’d wanted from me after all and dipped, leaving me to deal with the aftermath of being associated with him.

It would be such a typical biker thing to do. After all, how many times had my dad come in and wrecked my mom’s world, leaving her to pick up the pieces of his destruction? She’d believed him time and time again when he promised things would be different.

But all bikers seemed to be the same.

Yet when it came to Chase, that didn’t feel right to me. Something else had to have happened because I’d seen the agony in his eyes when he let that guilt through. I saw how much he hated himself when he looked at what happened to me. I’d seen the worry and concern in his eyes as he’d wiped away my tears while he slowly rocked in and out of my body, doing his best to help me in the way I’d begged him to.

Jessica was talking quietly to Scorpion when I made it down the stairs the next morning. Scorpion looked over at me with an unreadable look on his face, but his wife scowled. Instantly, I tensed, my guard going up.

Something had happened.

And for some reason, it had something to do with me.

“Jessica,” Scorpion called, but she ignored him, turning to face me. He settled his hands on her shoulders, keeping her from coming near me. I swallowed thickly, crossing my arms over my chest as if I could shield myself from her.

“Do you know what you did?” Jessica asked me, her temper barely in check. Anger laced her words, and under it, I could hear a note of concern.

I slowly shook my head, not understanding why she was attacking me. She clenched her jaw before forcing it to relax and crossed her arms over her chest as well. “Chase drank himself sick last night after you two apparently slept together.” I flinched. Had he hated touching me so much? “He was so inebriated, he could barely talk. And he woke up two hours ago throwing up so badly, we were worried we’d have to send him to the hospital.” Tears clouded my vision, but I blinked them back. “I told you he would do anything for you, Sophia, and I meant that. You know what that means?”

Sniffling, I shook my head. She sighed. “Sophia, it means he would even go as far as destroying himself if it made you feel okay again.”

Oh, God. Vomit rose in my throat. My stomach churned. I had to find Chase and talk to him. He couldn’t do this to himself.

It wasn’tmeafter all. Well, it was, but not in the way I’d been thinking it was. He was disgusted with himself for touching me when I was traumatized. It didn’t matter that I’d been the one begging him to do so.

“Where is he?” I croaked, begging her with my eyes to tell me so I could make this right.

“I sent him on a run about an hour ago,” Scorpion spoke up. I closed my eyes, a tear spilling down my cheek. “You two need some time apart before Chase does something that he can’t change—that he can’t come back from.”

Looking down at my feet, I nodded my head, understanding why Scorpion had done that and hating it all the same. I needed to talk to him in person, not over a stupid phone call or a text. But what if that was my only option to get through to him?

I’d fucked everything up because instead of thinking about what last night might have done to Chase, I’d only been thinking about myself. Like usual. But I’d been so desperate to feel okay again, and he’dhelped. God, he had helped me so fucking much because now I felt him instead of them. And now he had no way of knowing that until he came back home.

But despite how I now felt, I’d fucked Chase up inside. And I wasn’t sure if that damage could be healed.

I was just as much of a monster as my father, just in a different way. Because I’d only cared about myself, and at the end of it all, I’d hurt Chase.

Scorpion let me out of the clubhouse later on that day, but I had Reese and Elias with me as shadows. They were in blatant site, daring anyone to come near me. People stopped in front of the bookstore, taking pictures of the damage and of some of the club guys working on repairs, but one look from Reese or Elias sent them scampering.

It was nice though, and I was thankful for it. It meant I wouldn’t be bothered, wouldn’t have to answer the inevitable questions no doubt everyone had. People would want to know what happened—why my bookstore was trashed, and why I looked like I’d been beaten to within an inch of my life.

And I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone about it yet. I could barely go back through it in my own mind, much less openly speak about the horror of that night.

“You shouldn’t be lifting these,” Elias gently scolded, reaching forward to take the books I’d just walked out of the backroom with.

I sighed. “I need to stock them.”

“Then we’ll do the heavy lifting for you. You just tell us where they go,” Reese butted in, his tone clear he wasn’t arguing on the matter.

I forced a smile to my lips and nodded, leading them over to the non-fiction section. We worked like that for the rest of the day until my body began to ache, the pain medicine no longer working like it should. Reese and Elias took me back to the clubhouse immediately, and I didn’t even bother arguing. I was too tired, and I knew it was pointless anyway.

After forcing some food down my throat, I tried calling Chase, but he didn’t answer. In fact, I was pretty sure he sent me to voicemail when the phone only rang twice before ending, which hurt me way more than the injuries I was currently contending with.

Tears in my eyes, I shot him a text, thinking it would be better than nothing.

I know a lot of things got fucked up last night, but please don’t shut me out. You helped me, Chase. I just wish I’d known it would have fucked you up, or I’d never have asked it of you. I’m here when you’re ready to talk to me.

Then, I set my phone down on his nightstand, curled up under his covers, and cried myself to sleep.

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