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Six months later…
One week ago, we had a beautiful little girl. Nine pounds two ounces of pure joy. Hayleigh Rose Hayden is everything I never knew I wanted. It was Hunter that was itching to have children, not me. I wasn’t against it but I didn’t know how much I would love her. It was instant. And it was big. My love for her has no boundaries. If anybody ever tries to hurt her, they’ll have one hell of a fight on their hands. Between me, Hunter, Aunt Mia, Uncle Trevor, and Uncle Max they’d be fucked. Of course, Aunt Willow would be sitting in the wings with her endless love. She’s not like us. All lover, no fighter. That’s okay though. I’ll never understand how she doesn’t have a bit of crazy in her after what she’s been through. Out of the three of us, she’s the most well-balanced mentally.
I’ll start working with the guys and Mia after Hayleigh is a bit older. For right now, I’m perfectly happy staying at home and being a mom. That’s something I never thought I’d be.
Life has a way of working out. When Hunter proposed to me, he said it was fate. I never really believed in anything like that. But as I sit on the couch watching my husband doting on our daughter, I wonder if he’s right. Maybe we were meant to go through hell to appreciate heaven. This is heaven. Bliss. I read in a book not that long ago that not all characters get their happily-ever-afters. Maybe that’s true. But I got mine. And they’re sitting on the living room floor.
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UNDONE
Undone: Coming September 15, 2023
Undone
A note from the Author:
Nash and Ivy are first seen in Mercy. While it can be read as a stand-alone their story starts there.
It wasmy seventh birthday when the twins came home from the hospital with proud Liam and Mercy. It wasn’t the worst birthday gift at the time, but I was excited. The elation didn’t last long, however. It was the day everything began to change in my world and not for the better. Before that day, my adoptive parents were like a dream. When my mom left me with nothing more than broken pieces, Mercy glued them back together. She glued me back together. Back then I couldn’t imagine a time when she wouldn’t be my best friend. Mercy dried my tears, laughed with me, watched Disney movie after Disney movie with me. She encouraged my love of painting. The two things that made life bearable for this kid fighting cancer in a hospital while her mom abandoned her.
Mercy and painting. Dr. L, as I used to call Liam, was also good to me. However, I didn’t spend nearly as much time with him as with her.
The biggest thing I remember from that day is being home at our house with Aunt Elle when they came in with Ryder and Riley. Ryder was a quiet baby, but Riley was the polar opposite. All she did was scream, from the moment they walked in, and I don’t think that’s ever changed. I went from being doted on, the center of their universe to nothing. Riley took up all their time. She made Mercy cry a lot.
My adoptive mother tried everything. Rocking her, singing, reading, walking back and forth. But Riley was inconsolable. I once heard Mercy telling Aunt Elle that she cried twenty hours a day. I took the backseat to the twins. Was it because Riley was so difficult? Or was the truth that I’m not really theirs? It’s a question I struggled with through the years.
Riley was diagnosed with autism when she was four years old and still isn’t speaking. She’s nonverbal but she most certainly isn’t silent. Still today, she screams constantly, sometimes she rocks back and forth or Mercy’s least favorite, bangs her head against the wall. I know, I know. I’m a horrible bitch for feeling so angry when Mercy is constantly on the edge of unraveling. Before Riley, we were fine, happy even. I was loved. I’m not unloved now. I'm just non-existent. That’s worse than being hated. Everybody wants to be seen, don’t they? I’m not the black sheep. I’m not the worst thing that ever happened to them. But the twins are the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. Worse than my mother abandoning me. Worse than cancer. They made me invisible.
Almost a year ago, they found a tumor. After some testing, they found it was cancer again. I wasn’t even eighteen yet and had cancer three times. I prayed to die. I didn’t want to live my life anymore, being invisible. The pain was too great. I couldn’t refuse the surgery because I was not an adult. My adoptive parents held all the cards. So, I had the surgery and was gifted a prescription that did more than numb the pain from the surgery. It numbed my mind. It was the solution to all my problems, or so I thought. I was given two prescriptions for Oxycodone. At the end of the second, I was lost. I needed it. But I couldn’t get any more. Doctors are cautious with Oxy, apparently, because it can be addictive. I wasn’t addicted, though. I just wanted to numb the loud voices.
“They don’t love you because you’re not good enough.”
“You’re trash just like your mom.”
“You’ll never be theirs.”
“Riley and Ryder share their DNA and you don’t.”
Obviously, these are not words Mercy and Liam have ever spoken to me. It’s my never-ending internal dialog. That voice inside my head. I fucking hate that bitch.
I just wanted things to be like they used to be when I mattered. It would never go back. The only other option was to numb the pain. I knew a girl from school, Gina, a complete party animal with access to what I needed. Her mom and my real mom had been friends before she went to prison. Gina had everything you could imagine and more. Uppers, downers, even hard drugs I knew I’d never touch, heroin, cocaine, meth, and even fentanyl. I just wanted the Oxy, though. I didn’t need any of the hard stuff, only more of what the doctors had prescribed me. It wasn’t drugs, it was medicine.
Finally, Mercy comes and knocks on my door to tell me, her and Liam are going to bed. Every single night it’s the same, but for some reason, she doesn’t stop. Knock. Knock.
“What?”
“Can I come in?” She asks.
“Nope.”
“Ivy, you can’t shut me out forever.”
Just fucking watch me. I will shut her out forever. I was invisible to her until the third cancer scare of my life. Until the day we got that diagnosis, she was so focused on fucking Riley that she couldn’t see straight. It wasn’t until Mercy thought I might die, once again, when she decided to try. Fuck that.
After several minutes she gives up “We’re going to bed. See you in the morning.” A sob escapes from her chest and shakes my door, “I love you, Ivy.”
When she cries, it does something to me. It makes me feel like a piece of shit human. But then I remember how fucking lost I’ve been, I push the thoughts out of my brain and climb out of bed and open my window. I climb onto the tree and shimmy my way down before dropping to the ground and brush the dirt off my clothes.
