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When I did yard work or lifted weights by the pool, they wanted to join me. When I fired up the grill, Mattie wanted to help. Every day, there was something new to do together. Play football, shoot hoops, plant vegetables, finish decorating the house, paint a wall, go get tacos, meet up with Crew, Mercier, and Jack, take Madison for her ultrasound.
I craved it all.
I craved more time with Blake too, but I reckoned I couldn’t get everything in life. The every-other-week thing sucked. Although, Piper and Joel had agreed to be flexible in the beginning. Partly to let Blake choose a bit more, partly so that Piper and Joel didn’t have to go a full week without seeing Blake.
The separation anxiety was no joke.
At long fucking last, a door opened down the hall, and I spotted Nicolas coming out.
I stalked over there, only to slow down when it hit me that he might be wary of me. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Buddy, are you okay?” I asked carefully.
He nodded hesitantly, eyes red from crying.
The shrink stepped out too, and she smiled sympathetically. “You should hug him, Elliott.”
What? I mean—what? I could do that, of course. Of course I could, but was that—did he want that? Oh, fucking hell, I was useless. If the doctor told me to hug the kid, I was gonna hug the kid. I closed the distance between us and pulled him in for a hug. As if I wasn’t already screwed. Christ, how was I ever supposed to let him go?
I cupped the back of his head and pressed a kiss to his hair, and I closed my eyes.
Dumbass.
Maybe he’d needed affection sooner, but after everything he’d been through, I hadn’t known. I hadn’t wanted to crowd him or invade his personal space.
“They’re all really dead?” Nicky croaked.
I cursed internally. “All of them.” I looked up, helpless, hoping for guidance.
Dr. Holm nodded encouragingly. “I’ve explained to Nicky that what he experienced today was his body releasing fears he’d unknowingly held on to. He was worried someone would come and take him away again.”
My chest tightened, and I cupped Nicky’s face and made him look up at me.
“I promise they can’t,” I murmured. “You hear me? You’re safe, sweetheart.”
He bit down on his lip to keep it from trembling, and he nodded jerkily.
I hugged him to me again and released a long breath.
Goddammit, maybe Joel was right. Maybe I hadn’t fucked up too badly.
* * *
“Can you gimme a beep, Julian?” I called.
“Beep!” he hollered from the living room.
I smiled to myself and turned a bottle of beer upside down into the bowl with the meat. Then I finished dumping shredded cheese on the potato skins.
At the sound of a car door closing, I looked out the kitchen window. Finally. Joel was back with Blake. Now she was ours for the next few days.
She laughed at something Joel said before she darted for the side of the house—not even coming through to say hello. She just wanted the pool. Goofball. I’d get my hug later.
Joel didn’t let me down. He came in with four cases of beer.
“Beep, beeeeeep!” Julian came running upon seeing Joel, who was quick to swoop the boy up. “Beep!”
“Beep, beep to you too, little beepster.” He chuckled and growled playfully against Julian’s cheek. “You still watching movies?”
