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His foot bounced nervously on the ground. “I’ve kept this all a big secret because I was so fucking ashamed and I was worried that people, my friends, would be horrified — that they’d judge me. Maggie didn’t react that way — of course not — she’s a professional. But, Knox. He was supportive, not disgusted. Actually, Remi was the person I first told. I don’t even know why.”
Hearing Remi’s name was like picking at an old scab. Even though she’d hurt us all, I still had lingering feelings for her. It was hard to understand.
“I don’t get it.” Tightness crept into the corners of his mouth and his chin quivered as he flicked his gaze towards me, brows furrowed in confusion. “Why didn’t she publish the story about my sexual abuse? It’s much more scandalous than that made-up story about my stepbrother being rejected by the band. Remi knew that Adam died well before Ghost Parker even formed. It wasn’t even a good lie because it’s easily proven false.”
I didn’t want to ask, but I had a sinking suspicion that Adam’s death was related to the abuse, and that made the situation all the more tragic if that was even possible.
The images that Ghost’s confession had conjured twisted my gut — the thought of anyone, let alone a child, enduring such horrors was sickening. Ghost and his brother had suffered a lot and then Ghost had been left with survivor’s guilt on top of it all.
I just couldn’t imagine Remi using something so horrific for her own gain. “Ghost, only an absolute monster would exploit something like that.”
He rubbed his face like he was wrestling with something. “Or someone who’d do anything for a promotion. And I don’t think that person is Remi. I don’t think she was ever like that.”
The silence seemed to stretch on forever before I cautiously asked, “What do you mean?”
Ghost was staring with concentration at the dancing flames like he was trying to put together a puzzle. “Remi knew about Adam. She’d found out when she did some background research. She knew a lot of stuff about the band before she even came on the tour. It was all in that blue notebook.”
I was curious as to what he was getting at. I encouraged him to continue. “Yes, the week before she joined your tour, she traveled to do research on the band. I know she was in Ohio and Georgia, probably some other places.”
“Yeah, the information about Adam’s suicide was in that notebook from her research. But when she asked me about Adam in an interview, I shut her down. I was pissed that she’d found out that info about him.” He glanced up at me, gauging my reaction.
“Okay.”
“It was after that when I told her what Adam and I had both endured and how it broke him.” His foot was bouncing up and down, expending nervous energy. “I told Remi. She knew everything, but I’d told her personally. It wasn’t a part of her research.”
I arched an eyebrow. “So you think she was holding on to some personal integrity by not publishing it?”
“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “I just know that the only stuff that made it into her article were things she’d dug up before the tour. The other stuff was completely fabricated.”
“That’s a fucked up code of ethics. On the one hand, she didn’t use the stuff you’d told her privately, but on the other, she completely made shit up?” I let out a bitter bark of laughter.
“I’m just saying, if someone got a hold of her research, they could have written that story.” He looked at me with such desperation in his eyes, almost begging me to agree. “You said Remi denied writing the article. If someone had access to that notebook she was always writing in...”
I kept my tone measured and even, despite my skepticism. “That seems a bit far-fetched. Wouldn’t Hollywood Exposé have some way of checking who published the article?”
Ghost jumped up from the chair and started pacing. “I don’t know, Grey. She knew about you and Jonas Steel. That would have been a bombshell, but she didn’t publish that. Instead, she made up that weird story about you and Ryder. It doesn’t make sense.”
I stroked my chin, trying to think logically. “We both still have feelings for her. That makes it hard to accept what happened. I think—“
Ghost’s phone pinged with a text. “Fuck, Bishop is here. I’ve got to get to the airport.”
He typed a return message and then sent it. “I’ve got 10 minutes before he comes in to get me.”
I stood up and approached him cautiously, not wanting to come on too strong. “Will you answer my calls while you’re on tour?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah. When I can.”
I moved closer. “Then focus on finishing your tour. Call me anytime. I’m here any time you need me. When the tour is over, we’ll figure out where this is going.”
His brow furrowed as he glanced away, and a trace of insecurity crept across his features. “That’s it? After everything I told you tonight? I came here...”
My heart ached for him. I cupped his cheek, stroking my thumb over the sharp angle of his cheekbone. “Do what you need to do. Talk to your therapist about us. After your tour, I’ll come with you to a therapy session if that helps. But, if you decide we can only be friends, that’s okay. I care about you, not just physically. I’m always on your side, Parker.”
A tremor ran through him. “You don’t think I’m too fucked up to bother with?”
“I think it’s going to be a long three weeks. And no, you’re not too fucked up.” My hand moved from his cheek to rest on his shoulder. “Thank you for trusting me with your past. I know it must have been incredibly difficult to share. But just remember, you’re not alone anymore. You have me — and I’m not going anywhere.”
Leaning in, I brushed my lips over his, a feather-light caress. He made a soft sound low in his throat, hands coming up to grip my waist.
