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He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “I’m sorry, Lacey. That date was an obligation. I didn’t even know about it and I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to be with you.”
Yes, I believed him and I knew I was being unreasonable, but I couldn’t pull it back. I felt like if I didn’t act like a stellar bitch to him right then, I’d be crying. I couldn’t explain it even to myself.
He hugged me, but I remained stiff until he let go. Like I’d said to Ghost, like that famous break-up line, this was more about me than Bash. In our case, we had nothing to break up except a marriage and that was already in the works. I just needed to keep my emotional distance and maybe that included giving up the sex, too. The Dom/sub thing had really screwed with my head and made me feel more attached.
I really needed to find a vanilla lover. A man who could be a good father. Someone who was strong, stable, and kind. Just like that woman at the fertility clinic had told me. It kind of made sense now. I needed to find a father for my baby, not a lover for me.
We ended up in bed with Bash spooning me. He held on to me tight, but he was so exhausted after the long day that he fell asleep quickly. When I was sure that he was sound asleep, that’s when the tears silently fell.
Chapter 21
Bash
I was losing Lacey, and I didn’t know why. After the disastrous Christmas concert, she’d been avoiding me. She always had her excuses for why she couldn’t hang out, but I wasn’t an idiot. Was it all because of that stupid charity date contest? There was absolutely no comparison between that girl and Lacey and she wasn’t the jealous type, anyway. I tried to tell her that, to talk with her the next morning, but she’d acted like she couldn’t care less, so I didn’t push it.
But now, suddenly, she was busy all the time. She didn’t have time to take my calls at night and then she told me she had plans to go out this Friday night, which was our night together.
I didn’t know what to make of it and I couldn’t ask anyone for relationship advice without giving away our secret — a secret that I couldn’t even remember why we’d thought it necessary in the first place. Who gave a fuck if Kaylie knew I was fucking her best friend? Or if anyone else knew. I didn’t get it anymore. It was driving me crazy. I debated asking Josie, but after the dates she’d set me up on, I was pretty sure any advice she had on relationships would be shit.
I’d wanted to see her on Christmas day after my family left, but she claimed she needed to be at her father’s house. She came over the next day with a present for Kody.
Kody was ecstatic to see her. He gave her a tour of all his presents from Santa: the new cars and car carrying case, workbench and play tools, the water guns, pool floats, dinosaurs, books, play kitchen, and Lincoln Logs set. For Christmas, she gave him a wooden toy garage that had a working elevator and three levels with ramps and moving gates, a carwash, and a helicopter pad. Kody loved it and they spent a few hours together playing with it.
Then she left before I could give her the gifts I’d gotten for her. I had wanted to spend some time alone with her, but she’d used Kody as a shield to keep her distance.
When she agreed to come over tonight after Kody was asleep, I was more relieved than anything else. I wanted to give her the Christmas gifts I picked out for her and hopefully show her with the presents what I was feeling. Then, I would tell her that I wanted to move our relationship beyond the friends-with-benefits crap we were calling it. I wanted to have a real relationship with her where everyone knew. We didn’t have to reveal our marriage to the world, but hiding that we were together was not what I wanted.
I really didn’t have a clue how she felt anymore, so my anxiety was high. I was crushed when she took off after playing with Kody. She was freezing me out, but I didn’t know why. Hopefully, tonight I’d fix all of it.
It was after 9 p.m. when she got to my place. She seemed a little edgy, so I settled her in front of the fireplace with a mug of hot chocolate.
I gestured to the wrapped gifts that I’d put under the tree. “You left the other day without opening your Christmas presents.”
Her mouth dropped open in surprise. “You got me gifts? But I didn’t get you anything.”
I smiled to ease her worry. I hadn’t been expecting anything. “You got Kody that toy garage, and he loves it. It turned out to be a gift for me, too. He spends hours occupied with it, so it gives me breathing room.”
“I’m glad he likes it. It looked entertaining for a kid when I was shopping.” She took a sip of her hot chocolate.
I bent down to retrieve one of the four packages. Fuck, I was anxious. Did I overdo it with the gifts? Was it not enough? Too much? Would she hate them? These definitely weren’t friends-with-benefits kinds of gifts. I had no clue how she’d react.
She tore into the green elf wrapping paper and pulled out the pink and gold girly picture frame that had a photo of us in it. I’d picked out one of the pictures from our Vegas wedding, not one of the photos that looked like I was about to throw her down and fuck her, but the one where I was cupping her face and kissing her sweetly. The picture was beautiful. We were both closing our eyes, lost in the moment. I’d edited the photo a bit — sharpened the contrast, zoomed in, and centered it until it was perfect.
Several emotions flitted over her face. “Wow. Our wedding day. It looks so romantic, too bad I can’t remember it. Thank you, I love it, but I’ll have to hide it, so no one sees it.”
Not if I had anything to say about it. I was determined to get her to agree to tell our friends about us. I grabbed the next gift and decided to prep her for it. “This is the naughty gift.”
“Oh!” Her eyes lit up. “Gimmee.” She made grabby hands and then ripped through the paper to get to the rectangular box. She pulled off the lid to reveal the silver chains nestled on the cotton bed. “A necklace?”
“Not just any necklace. A very sexy necklace. This part goes around your neck.” I picked up the necklace and pointed out the thicker chain that ended in an open-circle pendant. Then I fingered the two delicate chains that attached to each side of the pendant and ended in soft, silicone rings that were adjustable. “And these two rings cinch around your nipples as tight or loose as you want. Then these chains will drape in a cascade from your breasts to the pendant. It looked sexy as fuck on the mannequin. I can’t wait to see it on you.”
That last remark got a chuckle from her. “Should I model it now?”
I reached under the tree for the next gift. “Not yet. You’ve got two more presents.”
I handed her the small rectangular metal tin with the snowmen design on it. It was supposedly a gift card holder. It was a little weird, but the lady at the store suggested it and it worked for what I’d had in mind.
She shook it, but it didn’t make any noise. “Not mints.”
