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Crue ignores Saint as he asks, “Why would you get a tattoo dedicated to us?” A whoosh of air escapes me as I melt farther into the mattress, I knew Crue would be the one to figure it out. Between him and Saint, he is the more attentive one. He pays closer attention to my moods, my reactions and just my entire being really. Saint is the more hands-on forceful one. He can’t read a mood to save his life, he doesn’t do boundaries or space, he needs everything spelled out for him. They are the perfect Yin and Yang. “Answer me, Katie.”
Tears begin to build behind my eyes as I explain, “After Adalyn was taken from me, I needed something of her with me always. What better way to carry my daughter with me then to ink my body with the story of how she came to be.”
“Wait, I don’t follow.”
I flick my gaze to Saint and spell it out for him. “The start of Adalyn’s journey begins with you and Crue.” I point blindly behind me at my ass and then to my side. “The cabin, the house at CHU, Christmas, losing Cody, us breaking up, me leaving, finding out she still lived inside me and the day my life changed forever.” All of that is marked in ink on my skin, only the three of us would be able to tell what each of these places means that are immortalized on my skin. I have a portrait of Adalyn on the side of my shoulder, it’s the first photo I took of her.
“You literally branded us into your skin… for life.”
I peer over my shoulder at Crue and shrug. “There is nothing about the time I’ve spent with you both that I will ever regret, well, except forthat night,” I answer honestly, his eyes drill into me trying to search for a sign of deceit. He won’t find it.
“Did you… did you find out…” Crue lets his sentence trail off, I know what he’s asking me.
“No. It didn’t matter to me which of you created her, for me you’re both her fathers no matter what a test says.” They both relax at my words. Crue slowly slips off me and sits on the edge of the bed near where Saint stands. I sit up and tuck my legs under myself.
“I want to forgive you, Katie, I really do.” My breath lodges in my throat at Crue’s words. “I don’t know how I can though. You gave our baby away to a monster.” I bite my lip to try tamper my anger at his accusation but I fail.
“I had no fucking idea he was the one who adopted her. Like I said, I chose a family to adopt her. It wasn’t until that fucking asshole Jackson showed up that I knew something was off.”
“I have to know.” I dart my gaze to Saint who is staring at the floor like this is hard for him to say. I want to reach out and touch him to try to ease his worries but I can’t. I lost that right. “Why did you run?” He peeks up at me through his lashes and the broken look in his eyes spears me right in the chest.
“I was scared,” I answer honestly. “Neither of you have ever raised your voice or shown me the angry asshole sides of you that others see, except the night you found the test. You both accused me of getting pregnant on purpose, when I never planned to have kids. I knew neither of you wanted children, I respected that.”
“Then why the fuck did you hide it from us?” Crue demands.
“I found out a couple weeks before Cody passed, I was planning on telling you both but then you were so caught up in helping Beck find Val’s stalker and everything with Corvin that I didn’t want to add to your stress. I wanted to tell you both so many times but then… I just couldn’t. I know I should have been honest and I am sorry. I was fucking depressed and spiraling over everything that happened. I just didn’t know how to tell you both about the baby without causing more pain.”
They both remain silent for a while and I begin to worry that they will leave me again. “I’m sorry your family kicked you out.” I recoil in shock at Saint’s words. “You could have gotten rid of her but you didn’t. Yes, we did act like fucking assholes and shouldn’t have said what we did to you. You never blamed our daughter for how we behaved and the things we fucking said were disgusting…” Saint sighs and runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “Thank you, Katie.”
Now the tears trail down my cheeks without consent, a sob tears from me. Within a second Saint is on the bed and wrapping his arms around me and holding me close as I break down. I’ve never let myself cry like this. I knew if I did, I wouldn’t have anyone there to pick the pieces of me up and put me back together but now, with the two men I love most in this world, I know I can because they will always put my pieces back together. Saint holds me until I eventually cry myself back to sleep.
I jolt awake at the sound of a phone ringing. I open my eyes and cringe, I can feel how puffy they are from crying. I look around and see I’m still in Saint’s lap with his arms wrapped around me, Crue is lying next to us with his hand on my thigh. My heart soars, we have so much to sort out between us but still, when I needed them most, they pulled through and held me through the pain. The phone rings again. I frown when I realize it’s coming from Crue’s pocket. I carefully reach for it trying not to wake him. When I see it’s Darius calling I answer it.
“Hello?”
“Uh, Katie?”
“Yeah, it’s me, Darius,” I whisper.
He sighs and chuckles nervously. “Thank fuck, that would have been awkward if it was some random—”
“Can I help you?” I cut in before he can finish that fucking stupid-ass sentence. He clears his throat before continuing.
“It’s after nine now. I was checking if the goon squad still wanted to do recon.” I’m about to tell him that they are both asleep when I feel Saint place a kiss on the top of my head. I look to Crue to find his eyes wide open and staring directly at me. He smiles and holds his hand out for his phone. I hand it over without complaint and snuggle into Saint.
“What up?” Crue says. “Yeah, give us ten then we’ll meet you in the lobby,” he says before ending the call and pocketing his phone again.
“Who was that?” Saint asks as he runs his fingers through my hair.
“D, we leave in ten to scope out Devon’s place before we hit him tomorrow.” At the mention of his father Saint tenses and his fingers still in my hair.
“Yeah, okay,” he forces out. I shoot look at Crue, conveying without words that Saint isn’t ready for this.
“You want to stay here with Katie while I go?” Crue offers, though he and I both know Saint won’t let him go on his own, they do everything together.
“Nah, my man, let’s do this.” Before either of them can move off the bed, I lean down and place a kiss on Crue’s lips then I do the same to Saint. They both sit there stunned and looking slightly nervous.
“Don’t say anything okay, I just want you both to know that I’m sorry. I know I fucked up and I own that shit. We have hurt each other and need to work everything out. I want this to work with you two because I can’t fucking live without either of you, I’m a shell without you both. I love you both so much.” Their eyes widen at my declaration. “I don’t expect you to say it back—-”
