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He stood with a wince and took a hard step away from me. “You don’t need to hear this. It doesn’t matter.”
I rose and took hold of his arm. If he didn’t want my touch, he never said, but kept his gaze turned away. “It matters, Erik. You . . . you matter.”
His eyes were a fiery sky when he looked at me. “I chose her. I chose her and . . . she wouldn’t let me. She covered my damn mouth, Livia. My mother shoved me away, demanded I sing for my father,pleadedfor me to choose the king.
“She didn’t give me a choice. I tried to hurry, I thought . . . I thought I could do it and save them both, but—” Erik scrubbed his hands down his face, he started to pace. He only stopped when I went to him, when I put my arms around his waist, when he dropped his brow to mine. “I couldn’t finish healing my father’s blood before she started . . . gasping and writhing.”
Erik let out a rough breath. I tightened my hold on his waist.
“I was too late. I lost her and earned my father’s hatred that day. He knew I would’ve let him die.” Erik chuckled bitterly. “Gods, I tried to please him. I would’ve done anything to make up for it, to earn a bit of pride in his face.
“When I was taken away, I didn’t think he’d come for me, but when I saw the ship, I thought he’d finally be proud for how hard I fought. Until he saw what had become of me. He was angry and said his perfect heir was ruined.” Erik’s palm came to rest on the side of my throat. “He lashed out.”
“That’s when he attacked?” I whispered.
“It happened so fast. All I really remember is screaming when I saw my father fall into the sea, an axe wound in his heart. He was gone, and all I had were his last words of disappointment.”
“Erik.” I winced. Unknowingly, Valen Ferus had robbed a heartbroken boy of what he saw as more chances to please a cruel father.
“After that, my uncle kept up Thorvald’s attempts to harden the Ever’s new king. Soon enough, I was convinced my mother was a weakness in my past and was determined to avenge my father and restore the power of his legacy.”
The draw to defend Erik Bloodsinger grew more potent the longer I was near him. Calling it a bond didn’t matter; it was real and burned through me like a flame catching wind.
“I know we lived different lives,” I said, drawing my palms up his arms. “I know you believe love is a weakness, but it isn’t.”
“Because love brightens the heart, right? Chases away the darkness inside us all.” He scoffed and tried to pull away, but I trapped his face in my palms.
“No.” My thumb stroked the edge of his jaw. “Love can bring more darkness than we can imagine. I’ve seen the lengths my people have gone to protect the ones they love. They embrace darkness, they burn worlds, crumble empires, all to keep those they love breathing. That passion is what won peace in the land realms. Love can be the most violent, the most powerful of weapons, Bloodsinger. Power can be taken away, but that kind of love—that lives beyond the Otherworld.”
His gaze blinked to mine. Deep in the gilded red of his eyes was a look filled with the same need, the same hesitation.
“Want one of my confessions?” I whispered.
His hands fell to my waist. “I live for your words, Songbird.”
“I’ve felt calmer here than I have in many turns.”
“I don’t need to be coddled, love.”
“I mean it.” I shook my head. “I’ve felt like I’m going mad because I should hate every moment with you. I shouldn’t sleep until I find a way to break free, but . . . I don’t want to.”
I ached for my family. Gods, I missed them, but somewhere since the night I’d been plunged into the sea, a shift had altered desires in my traitorous heart. I couldn’t imagine returning and being parted from the Ever King either.
“Livia—”
“No one catches you when you fall, Erik. Not even a king can hold such a weight alone.” I didn’t know what I truly wanted; all I knew was I didn’t want him to leave. “What do you do to ease your burdens?”
He swallowed. The look was swift, but I caught how his gaze jumped toward the water. A grin cut across my mouth. He didn’t need to say a word.
I slipped my fingers through his with one hand, and with the other, slid my sleeve off my shoulder. “Swim with me.”
“You should return to the revel, before—”
“Stop talking, Bloodsinger.” I took hold of his hands and pulled us toward the water’s edge. “I want to swim with you. Just you.”
CHAPTER37
The Songbird
