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It’s not just her lack of autonomy when it came to me claiming her, but being here, her accommodation, her classes, and her place in The Sect. Her entire life has been selected for her and scripted by someone else.
All of it tumbles from her lips unguarded.
Sure, Jacob and I haven’t exactly lived fast and free, but it’s never been as prescribed as hers has. And whilst the two of us might not have known all the small details about what we were getting ourselves into, we at least had a clue, an inkling of what we were walking into and the outcome of that. Ivy’s never been given that courtesy.
“I’m sorry, sugar,” I admit as she finally stills, all the anger and frustration finally zapped out of her. “I’m sorry about everything.”
But I wouldn’t change it.
If I could comfort her better, I would, but all I’ve got is the space to accept her anger and her frustrations, to allow her the opportunity to release them and process them, to acknowledge that they’re real and valid and explain that she doesn’t have to walk that road alone.
But without her father dictating her time here, we never would have crossed paths. Without The Sect and the rules therein, we wouldn’t have found ourselves tied together. Sure, we met in an elevator, and we have a class together, there’s a chance that things might have happened between us naturally, but not if I was part of The Sect and she wasn’t.
Releasing her hands, she slumps forward in defeat. “I can’t tell Tamsin about all of this,” she says. “It’s too much. The challenges… the graveyard…” Calmly, I wait as she processes, clearly able to see better now the anger and hurt have been released. “She’s with Taylor now, he’s got her, right? This is real for him, they’re a thing?” she asks, her panicked gaze finally coming to mine.
“It’s real,” I agree with a nod.
“But… the party, the message?”
“It was a favour to us. One I’m sure he’ll call in eventually,” I admit.
She releases all the air from her lungs through pursed lips, her head dropping back as her hair grazes across the backs of my knuckles, her eyes closed. Her heat in my lap anchors us both in the moment, even as the wind rattles the windows, an eerie sound I’m reasonably sure she doesn’t even hear right now.
She’s beautiful.
Even in the face of this moment.
When her rage has subsided and her peace is finally settling back on her shoulders.
It’s not quite forgiveness, but maybe acceptance?
She sighs, turning back to face me, resignation on her face. “You’ve got me, but you don’t own me or my decisions.”
“Fine.”
She’s the one putting that meaning to those words, not me.
The moment stretches on, the seconds ticking by tensely as she anchors us both in the moment, her heat in my lap, my hands on her skin until she blurts out, “What am I going to do about Ruby?”
“Who’s Ruby?” I whisper, confused by the change of conversation.
“Another problem I’m struggling to solve. She’s my Little Sister in this mentor programme we’ve been enrolled on. I guess if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re not having to do something similar.” She huffs out a half laugh. “Misogynistic or what?”
“I think I’d take looking after some girl over what we’ll have to do,” I comment with a chuckle, the tension finally seeping from the air.
She shrugs, knowing I’m probably right.
Not that I’d want her cleaning up the campus in the middle of the night, or any of the other things we’re going to have to do…
“So, what’s the issue?” I ask, attempting to keep my mind on task.
“The Little Sisters have all volunteered for this, they were cute and chatty, excited to be there and to meet us, but the girl I was paired with, Ruby, she couldn’t care less. She spent more time staring a hole through her phone than attempting to make conversation with me.”
“You’ve never had someone not falling at your feet for your attention, huh?” I ask with a smirk. The glare she throws my way is cute but ineffective. “Do you have to meet somewhere neutral, or could you invite her to the pool house?”
“I’m not sure, why?”
“Perhaps, if you show her that you’re just another human being, with human things, thoughts, feelings and whatever, that’ll encourage her to treat you like one. To involve you a little more.”
