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Ivy sniffles beside me, Charlotte’s sad gaze coming our way before suggesting they give us some space and the rest of them filter out, the silence all-encompassing.
“Why don’t we get out of here?” Jacob suggests. “We could just get in the car and drive, go somewhere else, anywhere you want.”
Leo’s hand goes to his calf as he drops to the ground at Ivy’s feet, catching her dropped gaze. “I think it might be better to just take a minute,” he suggests. “Although I understand the desire to outrun the news, sometimes it helps to sit with it, you know?”
Jacob nods.
We’ve done that, sat in the moment, we’ve run from it too. Losing someone you call family is a pain like no other. Blindsiding. And in circumstances like this, indescribable.
“Well, let’s get out of this room for a start,” Jacob decides. “Leo, come and give me a hand with something, will you? I’ve got an idea.” He looks at me, thoughts playing behind his eyes like a movie only the two of us can watch. “See you upstairs in five?”
“Sure,” I agree.
The two of them disappear, the door slamming, making Ivy jump.What a fucking shit show.I managed to get her to pull it together enough for The Sect, but watching someone I care about fall apart isn’t really my area of expertise.
Wyatt draws her in against his body, whispering quiet words of consolation as I hold her hand, counting down the seconds until we can leave, until I can do something helpful.
“Why don’t you grab some drinks and snacks?” I ask Wyatt when the moment comes, gathering Ivy into my arms and standing.
I’m pretty sure she’s cried out, nothing left but a sadness that cascades from her like a tidal wave that I can’t stop, but holding her in my arms feels good, useful, and as Wyatt disappears and I head up the stairs, the sound of everyone else talking and laughing filling the house, I get it.
Build her a safe space from everyone else, from the empty bed her friend should be in, from the room she had it confirmed in, from the people who don’t get it, who don’t want to. We can’t take this pain from her, it’s hers to bear as she chooses to, but we can give her space to process, accept what’s happened, and support her when she’s ready to move forward.
Opening the door is a task, and I’m grateful I made the right choice by heading to mine and Wyatt’s room when I take in what the boys have done. The lights are off, the side lamps on to make the room dimmed and intimate. The beds are pushed together, covered in twenty billion pillows and blankets with the laptop propped up on the desk they’ve moved.
Wyatt almost walks into me as he comes through the door behind us, his arms and pockets loaded up with stuff as he takes in the solution to mine and Jacob’s childhood woes. Placing Ivy down on the ground takes more than I thought it would, kicking off my trainers before climbing over the bed and adjusting the pillows so there’s space for both of us.
I’d love to pull her into my arms and gather her in a million blankets and let her snuggle her sadness away, pour it into cushions that we can remove, but finding her space in here has to be her choice.
Leo perches on the end of the bed, an action I wasn’t expecting as I look at the four pillows laid out against the headboard.This could get cosy.Jacob sighs, turning him to lay his legs out properly before sliding between them, a contented sigh tumbling from him that heals my heart just a little.
Wyatt doesn’t waste any time, dropping everything on the end of the bed and taking her by the hand. He settles on a pillow between Leo and me, the perfect buffer before he grabs one of the huge cushions and places it between us, Ivy sinking into it before reaching over to grab Jacob’s hand.
And that’s where we spend the next few hours. Nobody from downstairs interrupts us, and we go from one film to the next with as little conversation as we can manage. Nobody talks about the friends that aren’t here, or the challenges, or the rules. We just sit and watch, and ignore it all.
At one point, someone gets up to use the bathroom, and someone else restocks the snacks, but no one goes down for dinner, instead leaving the rest of them to it. The five of us hide in our pillow fort bubble, ignorant of the world.
Everything we need is right here in this room, for now.
TWENTY
IVY
My eyes are gritty as I finally wake, the last twenty-four hours feeling like a lifetime, and yet no time at all. Still, the overwhelming feeling that cascades through me is numbness and a heat that doesn’t make sense until I take in where I am. Nick’s huge arm is wrapped over my side, his leg hitched up and resting against mine as his gentle breaths puff over the top of my head; still sleeping.
His steady heartbeat pumps rhythmically against my back in the darkened silence of the room, and just for a minute, I try and forget. Forget that this is all just a game, forget that we’re all pawns being moved in and out of play at will and that my best friend is now gone.
My breathing stutters, but nobody stirs, at least not Nick or Wyatt, who’s fast asleep in front of me, but Leo looks my way, turning down the lamp at his side.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he whispers.
“Not at all,” I reply, my eyes adjusting as I shuffle an arm, wiping them.
Jacob moves in his lap, adjusting the pillow he’s on, Leo’s shirt rucking up before he continues to sleep soundly. His hair is beautifully mussed, much like I imagine Nick’s is, and I can’t help the smile that slips free, no matter how much it probably doesn’t meet my eyes.
Everyone else forwent their shirts in favour of sleeping topless, and I learnt way more things about their sleeping habits than I needed before we got settled down. Nick thrust his shirt over my head before I even had the opportunity to get my top off, Wyatt handing me a pair of his shorts.
How the hell we all managed to fall asleep in here, I have no idea, and how we got through the night without someone ending up on the floor, even less, but the proof is in the three sleeping men surrounding me.
