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CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE
SHAAN
I walkedaround a room of chattering children who raised their crooked, fingerprint-marred pots in the sky like they held treasure, and I smiled at their enthusiasm.
“Raja-kumara,” one child with bright eyes said, “what do you think of mine?”
I knelt beside him and took his pot, letting it roll around my palm. “It has a good weight to it. I really like how you blended the colors from the top to the bottom, it draws the eye down the narrowing end, and you neatly executed the ridges along the lip.”
I handed the piece back, and he beamed at me. A smile slipped onto my face. Despite my personal miseries, volunteering my time at the palace’s school always left me happy. The children had so much joy, so much belief in themselves, and they saw such beauty in the world.
The door opened, and the teacher at the head of the class bowed. “Maharani.”
I froze for a moment, then slowly stood. The children backed away from their tables and bowed their heads to the floor as they all murmured, “Maharani.” I pressed my hands together as I turned and bowed.
Mother nodded. “May I speak with you privately?”
My lips pinched to hold in the sigh that longed to push out, but I followed Mother out of the room and clicked the door in place before stepping alongside her down the hall. “Is all well?”
“Prince Lennox is asking to speak with you.”
I stopped walking, my slippers pressed against the gold tiles. “I thought you felt Veena could handle it.”
Mother‘s eyes narrowed, and she frowned. “As you refused to see him, she offered, and since you assured me he wouldn’t do her harm, I thought it an excellent opportunity for her. She’s quickly leaving childhood and has an aptitude for interacting with others. She’ll become a diplomat if she wishes. Plus, children have a way of disarming people. Has your opinion on my decision or Veena’s safety in this situation changed?”
I bowed again. “Forgive me, Maharani. Of course it hasn’t, and I hold to what I said, Prince Lennox wouldn’t harm Veena. He’s not… like that.” Despite how brutally he’d betrayed and shamed me, it was political. I understood the logic and part of me wanted to believe what he’d told me. He was in a tough position with his father. I could understand because I’d grown up in a politically driven family myself. Sometimes hard decisions had to be made. Mother and Father had made more than a few compromises that left them uncomfortable but were necessary. Logically I could make sense of it.
The issue was my heart couldn’t allow it. I’d made love to Lennox the night before he left like I’d hand my soul to him if he asked for it. I would have, too. The next morning I’d prepared to wake and ask him—beg him—to stay with me. To tell him I was in love with him and the idea of breathing in a world where he didn’t exist made me feel desperate. Until I’d woken to my missing zevar, the cottage empty, and Lennox gone without so much as a ‘fuck you’written on a scrap of paper. Then he showed back up here as if he had a right to my favor. As if he had a right to forgiveness.
My nose flared, and I turned towards the sunlight that glared into the hall.
“Shaan.” Mother’s voice gentled, and she gripped my arm. “I want you to know that your father and I have discussed it and if your feelings towards the prince have changed, we would support you. I know how much Lennox’s actions have hurt you, and I can sense he regrets his choices as well. If you wanted to attempt to restore things, we would do our best to offer our blessing.”
“How can my feelings change? He stole one of our heart stones. I never should have trusted him.”
She pressed her hands together. “Perhaps that is true. However, you trusted him at one time, and I’m certain there was a valid reason for it. I’m not encouraging you towards Lennox, mind. A relationship between you two would be complicated at best even if he’s well-meaning which we cannot know.”
The weight of the formal sherwani I wore for my role at the school pressed against me. Lennox and I had always been complicated, but I’d once been foolish enough to entertain the idea and believe we could make it work between us regardless of our backgrounds. That had cost me my pride, yes, but more importantly it had risked Sai and his team’s lives, further damaged our relations with the Seelie, and temporarily lost one of our family’s heart stones. My fingers grazed over the bumps of the zevar cords. I thought I should give Lennox’s back to him but didn’t know how. I didn’t want him to take it as any kind of peace offering between us.
Mother continued, “However, if you wished to reconnect with the Prince, I want you to know we would support your decision.”
“What the Prince did was unforgivable.”
One of Mother’s eyebrows rose, but she nodded. “Very well. Will you speak with him at least?”
I hesitated and closed my eyes. Staying logical apart from him was one thing. Facing him again, looking into those fucking blue eyes that begged for forgiveness, made it much harder. Every moment he’d been in the palace it was like I could feel his presence in it, and my heart longed to search him out. Even before guards had informed me he’d arrived the day before, my mind had drifted to him. I wanted to dismiss the guards around his room, knock on the door, watch as surprise and hope bubbled in his expression. I longed to step inside and pull him into my arms, whisper gentle words, feel the tension in his body loosen.
I refused to let my mind think about the word—Atalla—that kept coming unbidden to me.
“There are troops leaving the Seelie territory,” Mother said, breaking into my thoughts.
I opened my eyes. “What?”
“Our military leaders have informed me they are well armed. Sai had to cross King Carrington to save his wife—a decision we’ll support but will also hold ramifications. If you could speak with the Prince and find out what his father’s aim is, it would help our court.”
I paused for another moment. Some bird outside trilled a long chord of notes and I swallowed. “All right.”
“He’s in the formal receiving room on the main level.” She pressed her hands together and retreated with her guards.
