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We needed to make it to the sirens’ territory.
CHAPTERTWENTY-SIX
LENNOX
I pacedmy guest room and wondered if I’d damage the rug from my ceaseless movements. A few candles flickered, adding halos of illumination throughout the space. It was late but I couldn’t sleep. Nothing new, however this unfamiliar room made even the little bits of sleep I’d managed in the last few months feel unattainable.
I needed Lira. I was certain if Father readied troops, he was stirring up indignation over Sai stealing her. While I didn’t know what story Father had spun or if he shared she was an heiress to our throne, he’d use Sai’s actions against her as the justification for military action. If I could get Lira and return her home—and it wasourhome—then I could stop this assault. Father would have no motive to stand on.
My grief over Shaan in the past months had distracted me, and I’d missed all that was building. If I were honest, I’d avoided looking too closely. Now it might be to the detriment of everything I’d fought for. To the detriment of why I’d betrayed Shaan even.
I tangled my fingers together behind my back, and my dress shirt wrinkled with the motion. I tapped into my magic delicately. Where it had always been there and easy to brush against or call on, it now felt like a forest fire that only the steely walls of my determination held at bay. The powers rushed forward and sweat dripped down my forehead which I wiped away as I used glamour to give the shirt a starched appearance again. The one positive of staying in this warded room was that the magic couldn’t move beyond my appearance and clothing I wore. If I attempted to glamour an item in the room, nothing happened. That enabled me to stop containing my magic every moment which was a relief.
A knock sounded at the door. I stared at it. I didn’t have a pocket watch on me, but it had to be a ridiculously late hour. Maybe with military troops coming, the Prasanna decided doing away with Carrington’s heir was worth the risk of inciting war. Perhaps they came for me late in the night when no one would notice.
No. I thought of the Maharani, the sharpness and compassion in her eyes. The memory where, at Mother’s death, it was me she thought of. I didn’t believe she’d harm me unless circumstances demanded it.
Why would anyone visit so late? They had to assume I was asleep. I turned towards a mirror, pulled a jacket on, and made sure my glamour was firmly in place. I approached the door and turned the handle before pulling it open a few inches.
Shaan stood alone in the hall. The guards the Maharani had posted at my door were gone. Shaan held a lamp, and the golden light from it made his skin shimmer as it gleamed over the coarse texture of his beard.
I wanted to touch him so desperately, just once. I wanted to feel his flesh against mine, let the warmth of him seep into me, brush along his lips and… I closed my eyes for a moment then cleared my throat. “Can I help you?”
Shaan frowned. “May I come in?”
I took in a sharp breath. He wanted to come into my room? My heart picked up into a staccato, and my body yearned for him more than ever, but I clenched my teeth as I pulled the door farther back to allow him entrance. He wasn’t here for a midnight tryst. Even if he was, I shouldn’t allow it. My feelings for him ran too deep and the devastation it would cause me wouldn’t be worth it. I knew, however, if that’s what he sought I would say yes. My future regrets be damned.
He stepped inside, and I clicked the door in place. Then I turned so that we stared at each other. Shaan crossed his arms, the silk of his jacket bunching. At the beach cottage, he’d never dressed as formally as he did here. I wondered if he normally dressed up or if it was because of me. He’d never struck me as the type to care about clothing. His mind was always too captured by the beauty surrounding him. In our time together, he’d taught me to see it too—the graceful flicker of a fire, the smooth glide of rain down a windowpane, the way sunrise stretched like a cat over the horizon, slow at first and in an enormous leap that swallowed the darkness. It was a torment. I went nowhere, interacted with nothing, couldn’t experience a single moment without thinking of him.
He frowned, his eyebrows pressing together, and the light glimmered over dark circles under his eyes. I wanted to brush my fingers over them, kiss him until we both forgot the last six months, lead him to my bed and make love to him until we both fell together into an exhausted tangle of limbs.
The silence pressed on. He continued to look at me, something unguarded in his eyes. Whatever it was, it ached through me, and I clenched my fingers before unfurling them. “Do you need something?”
“Why are you here?” he whispered.
“I came for Lir—”
“Lira. You’ve said that. But you could have sent a thrush.” His voice rose in volume. “You could have sent a council to negotiate.”
“My father wouldn’t have—”
“Stop lying to me,” he said through bared teeth and raised his chin. “Why are you here, Lennox?”
I licked my lips and dropped my face out of the candlelight. Magic sparkled through me, and heat built along my arms. A trickle of sweat dripped down my spine and landed against the edge of my waistband. Flames couldn’t emerge in this room but that didn’t stop the powers from ricocheting through me. “I already told you. I’m sorry you didn’t want to hear it, and I understand why.” When I raised my face again, Shaan’s eyes had gained a sheen. “I’ve missed you and longed to see you in person again.”
Words I wouldn’t say built in my throat until I struggled to take a breath.I love you and regret everything. I’d burn this fucking world to the ground if it meant another chance with you.
Shaan wiped a hand down his face then turned towards a chair, gripping the back of it as if he needed something to bear his weight for him. “Yet you come here sharing the potential doom of my people with me.”
I took a step forward then paused as his body tensed. “I had to make you aware of what I realized. Before I left, I didn’t know my father’s plans. I thought I’d come here, find Lira, and return home before he took any action. I didn’t know Lira would be gone.”
“Would you have come”—Shaan swallowed, and it was loud in the quiet room—“if you’d known she wasn’t here?”
A breath rushed out of me. “Shaan, I would have never left you if it wasn’t formy people. Someone must champion them.”
“Yes.” Shaan rose to his full height and faced me square on, some of the layers he’d peeled away, folding back into place. “Goddess forbid they be stomped into extinction as they did to the other fairy courts.”
The words stung. I was ashamed of my people’s history. “Not all Seelie desire that course of action. Most of the fairies just want to live their lives in peace.”
