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“Nothing,” she whispers but in my ears it sounded like I’m going to miss you.
6.
Autumn
Walking down the hallway with John, I glance up at him and I can only imagine what I must look like. Probably lovesick and starry eyed and I clutch his hand harder. When he screamed my name the way he did in the shrink’s office, I almost passed out.
His emotions for me run deep which means I’m nestled. Entangled. Once as a child, I accidentally fell into cold, dark waters and I still remember the way the seagrass curled around my legs, holding onto me as if it didn’t plan on letting go. At first I panicked but then it began feeling soothing. Soft. And I missed the dark depth once at the surface again.
That’s how I feel about John.
Leaving him will probably be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And John...he’ll see it as a betrayal. A huge sign of disloyalty and maybe he won’t ever forgive me. Maybe, I won’t even forgive myself. We have something real that’s beyond his delusion about me being his wife. We have something worth fighting for but I’m not a fighter. I’m a girl who’s not even supposed to be here and John...well, I have no idea who he is but I’m suspecting it’s not something good.
Those tattoos of his are menacing to say the least.
You don’t get that kind of ink as a first class citizen.
My heart clenches at the thought of John being in some kind of trouble and I swallow, nudging closer to John when I in my periphery see a large and brutal looking figure, rising from a chair. He’s got his shoulder in a casket and his eyes flash at the sight of John. I don’t like him. Don’t like the way he looks or the way he looks at John.
The man scares me and my pulse races when he shouts,
“Jair!”
John doesn’t notice and the hallway’s crowded. I flood with anxiety and urge John to go left, murmuring that I want to show him something. My little trick works because John follows and I throw a stressed look over my shoulder. The stranger isn’t coming after us so that’s good. Frowning, I take a deep breath and shrug myself but I keep getting these pesky thoughts in the back of my head.
Jair? Is that John’s real name? If so then how come he knows someone like that stranger? The stranger was wearing a coat, similar to the one John wore when he fell into that ravine. And they’re both tall and brutal looking, almost like they’re part of a gang. That would explain the tattoos.
Oh heck...I don’t like this at all. I don’t want John to be some gangbanger. That lifestyle’s dangerous and maybe this whole amnesia thing is a blessing. What if John was forced into that life and was quietly begging for a way out? Convinced that that’s the case, I decide that John is so much safer incognito at this hospital and I intend to do everything I can to keep John away from that stranger.
They’re not crossing paths. Not on my watch.
“What is that you wanted to show me?” John rasps, bringing me back to the present and I twitch.
“Oh um...,” I think frantically, “over here.” We end up over at the nursery and I can’t help but smile at all the swaddled munchkins. “I come here sometimes,” I confess. “After a long day and they always manage to put a smile on my face.”
Putting my hands under my chin, I whisper, “Aren’t they adorable?”
John grunts. “They look like loafs of bread wrapped up in blankets. Or tiny old men and women.”
Scowling, I swat his arm. “You love them, admit it?”
He shrugs. “Not really.” Then he turns serious and his voice lowers a couple of octaves. “But I’ll love our babe when you bring them into this world.” He lets out a low moan. “I can’t wait to be a father.”
I tense a little, because I’ll never have his baby. We won’t be sleeping with each other again. What we did in the park was a one time thing.
John insists that we sneak off but I lie and say I have to go home. It’s already late, I’ve overstayed my shift by hours and its dark out. John’s reluctant but I maintain that he needs to get his rest.
His fists clench as if he’s had enough of resting but I refuse to budge.
“You’ll be here first thing in the morning,” he grits between his teeth as he gets into bed. I nod and he warns, “I’ll have you against the wall as soon as you cross the threshold. And I want no protests.”
Gulping, I nod again and pull the covers over his big body. He watches me with narrow eyes, almost as if he can tell what I’m about to do but he doesn’t say anything. Maybe I’m giving John too much credit and myself too little. Maybe I actually will be able to pull this off.
“I’ll chase you until the edge of the world,” John rasps, laying his head down on the pillow. “You’ll never get away from me.”
“Okay John,” I whisper and my eyes flutter when he pulls at his clothes.
“Rub my chest.”
