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Like I didn’t just lose myself in his eyes and come on him half a dozen times.
Like I didn’t bawl my eyes out after he told me about Serena and his family secrets.
Like I didn’t just slip dangerously closer to a mad, mad love for Shepherd Foster.
I have to concentrate on running, until the intensity passes.
I can’t even lie to myself.
And his dead wife, it made me jealous in a messed-up way.
Annoyed and hurt that he ever gave his love to someone so unfaithful.
Sad at the way he sounded when he mentioned her name.
So vulnerable. So soft. So undeserved.
She’s dead now, of course.
There’s no point in holding a grudge against a dead woman over a man I’m not actually with.
But between her and that douchebag she cheated on Shepherd with, he almost got convicted of a murder he didn’t commit. He certainly had the scabs ripped off a rotten start to life he just wanted buried.
They destroyed him once, and he’s built himself back up, but hearing him talk about it when it’s clear he doesn’t talk about it with just anyone...
It’s a lot.
Too much for my heart to handle.
Today, of all days, I’m aching and dizzy with bruises.
Stupid, again.
Absolute buffoonery for even getting this emotionally invested in him.
But how can I help myself?
I squint against the breeze and push harder.
Usually, I take my time, stopping often to admire the view.
Today, it’s only because my body makes me.
My legs burn. My lungs are disintegrating in my chest. My head—hoo boy, where do I even start?
Even Mol looks like she could use a break, her big pink tongue hanging out like a ribbon.
Reluctantly, I slow down and come to a stop at the lighthouse, walking up to the observation point so I can look across the water.
I instantly smile.
My mind sees him out there, fighting Mother Nature with all his raw, quintessentially grumpy Shepherd energy—and this time I wouldn’t even yell at him for risking his neck.
...no, that’s a lie.
I’d totally yell because no inner ragies justifies risking his life.
But I blink and he disappears.
