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Curiouscat was gone. Forever.
And Raf lost his only friend.
What he didn't know, though, was that curiouscat had, indeed, showed up for the date. She'd seen him, and she'd been just as excited about meeting him, never once questioning his appearance. She'd watched him through the window when he'd not been aware, and she'd thought himperfect.She'd seen the flowers, the chocolate, and even the hint of Cheetos packaging and she'd smiled at his thoughtfulness, ready to kiss his cheek at the end of the night, or maybe more.
She'd wanted that date more than anything in the world. And as the time came for her to step towards the cafe, she giddily rushed forward.
But she never made it.
A month passed and Raf didn't move on.
Every day, he logged on the server to check his messages, hopeful thatmaybecuriouscat would come back.
It never happened.
If before he'd felt alone, at least his loneliness had been of his own making. He'd isolated from the world because he found it too exhausting to keep up his charade.
Yet before, he hadn't met curiouscat.
He hadn't known someone who could understand him so well without needing to know his name, his past, or how he looked like. Though, retrospectively, what he looked like must have been the thing to put an end to everything.
But now he knew what it was like to have a friend, someone he could share everything in his life with. And because it had been taken away from him so brutally, he found himself drifting in uncharted territories, his emotional stability hanging by a thread.
In fact, was it even fair to call it emotional stability when there wasnothingstable about it, or about him?
He'd thought he had hit rock bottom before.
But now he knew the true definition of making friends with his demons for he finally let himself go. Yet it wasn't in the typical fashion.
If before he would have simply let himself languish away, burying himself deeper and deeper into himself in an attempt to forget the outside world, this time he did the opposite.
Raf tried to change himself—all within the confines of his circumstances.
He wiped his diet clean, throwing all the junk food to the side in exchange for healthy food. He finally joined his college gym and he pushed himself to his limits.
He may have done a good thing by taking a step towards change, but it wasn't with the best intentions.
Foremost in his mind was the idea that he needed to look a certain way. Maybe then his friend would come back. Maybe then…
Two weeks after Raf joined the gym he collapsed from overworking himself. His diet may have been healthy, but it was sparse and poor, his current energy levels not fit for the harsh exercises he put his body through.
He pushed himself so much, he ended up in the emergency room after fainting at the gym. Only by sheer luck did he wake up just as they loaded him into the ambulance, managing to avoid anyone calling his family.
That day, he was admitted to the hospital where he was administered fluids via IV and he was put into contact with a registered dietician to talk about his food choices.
Yet it was clear to anyone looking in that his issues ran deeper than that. So, his attending physician suggested Raf talk to a therapist, even going so far as booking a first consultation for him.
And as it dawned on him that curiouscat was, indeed, not coming back, he realized he needed to reevaluate his life. After all, he couldn't continue living like that, could he?
So, he accepted to see the therapist, making small steps towards becoming therighttype of person, not just a good person on paper.
Weekly, he attended the therapy sessions. He talked into depth about his past, about his parents and about his brother. He opened himself up for the first time, and he was shocked to realize that the therapist had one simple piece of advice.
Forgive yourself.
He wanted Raf to forgive himself for his role in his brother's downfall, but also forgive everyone around him. In his opinion, only then would he be at peace and ready to move on.
Raf saw the objective truth in his therapist's words. But he couldn't put that advice into practice. Not when his self-loathing was stronger than ever.
