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Tears course down her cheeks as she looks at me, her features desolate and echoing the emptiness I feel in my heart.
Why Noelle? Why did you have to do this? Why the hell did you have to kill my heart like this?
The questions are on the tip of my tongue, but I don't utter them out loud.
What's the point? What's the fucking point to anything? To this situation or my attempt to humiliate her with sex? What's the point of anything?
Disgusted at myself and at her, I release her, pulling out of her and stepping back.
She can barely stand on two feet as she slides to the floor, her body glistening with sweat. Drawing her knees to her chest, she regards me through misted lashes, her eyes red and brimming with tears.
My heart breaks as I take her in, and my first instinct is to go to her, hug her to my chest and tell her everything will be alright. That I didn't want to hurt her; that I will never hurt her again.
But that would be a lie.
"I'm done," I tell her, zipping myself back up.
I don't wait for her reply as I back out of the room, closing the door behind me for good.
2Rafaelo
"You need to have a proper conversation with her, Raf," Sisi says thoughtfully as she brings the cup of tea to her lips.
"What she said," Vlad shrugs, pointing to his wife. "She's the expert in her sex."
Sisi rolls her eyes.
"You don't have to be an expert in anything to have common sense, Vlad. And in this case, I think they both need to calm down and have an honest conversation."
"Maybe. If I could be calm enough to do it…" I sigh.
A day after what had happened in the office, I couldn't bear it anymore.
The guilt. The anger. The fucking love and hate that constantly warred in my mind. I couldn't bear any of it anymore. So I'd asked Sisi to meet me, thinking I could get another perspective—this time a feminine one. Of course, where Sisi goes, Vlad follows, so he'd included himself in our little meeting.
I'd told her as much as I could without giving more intimate details. Why I'm still protecting Noelle's privacy when she's the fucking guilty party in this scenario, I don't know. Yet for some reason I can't bring myself to tell anyone details about the past aside from the general situation.
Sisi and Vlad are smart enough to read between the lines, especially as I'd told them about the baby situation and the fact that I'm still trying to wrap my head around it—that I'd been a father once…and now I'm not.
To my greatest surprise, it's Vlad who decides to comfort me—though the word comfort might be a little too much for Vlad. He shares his own perspective for when he'd heard about Sisi's pregnancy and then her miscarriage, and that despite never in his life entertaining the thought of having children, the news had broken something inside of him.
"The pain won't go away, Raf. It's been years for us and…" She turns towards Vlad. "He's still not over it either."
I expect Vlad to be his usual defensive self, especially since this is a serious conversation and he never does serious. Instead, he surprises me as he takes a seat by Sisi's side, facing me and giving me a tight nod.
"You just take it one day at a time," he shrugs. "You don't have to pretend it didn't happen. But not discussing it with Noelle won't help you either."
"Raf, look," Sisi intervenes. "I may not have known Noelle for a long time, but I know she loves you and I am sure she would have loved your child just as much. By your own admission, you don't know exactly what went down. But I can tell you that Noelle doesn't seem like the person who wouldn't care about her child. If anything, I don't want to imagine what she must be living with if she remembers…that. If she actually remembers the death of her child," Sisi visibly shudders.
"Noelle isn't Bianca, Raf. Of that I can assure you," Vlad interjects.
"Right, as if that makes everything better," I reply drily.
"It should. At least she has some emotions. From what you explained, it seems that you're the common denominator in every case."
I frown.
"She's a lovely girl. Normal, until it comes to you. Then, all bets are off," Vlad notes. "She's not a sociopath like Bianca who doesn't understand empathy. Noelle sounds as though she merely chooses not to let that rule her."
