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“Before we jump,” she says in a small voice as we get closer to the edge. “I have a question.”
“What is it?”
“Regardless of what the future brings… Do you think at some point in the future you might find it in you to forgive me?” She asks hesitantly, her body stiffening against me as she awaits my answer.
“I can’t predict the future, Noelle,” I answer grimly. “I can’t promise you something like that because I have no way of predicting my feelings.”
“I see…” she trails off, her tone dropping a notch.
“Hey, no matter what happens, we’ll take it one day at a time,” I tell her, unable to bear leaving things off like this. “We’ll talk and talk and talk and we’ll find a solution. That’s the best I can give you.”
“I understand,” she says tightly. “Your feelingsarevalid, Raf, and I respect them. I just… I need some hope.”
“I love you. Despite everything, I love you, Noelle Guerra. That should tell you everything,” I confess.
Then there’s the unspoken.
Because I love you, I’m willing to put my anger aside and listen. I’m willing to see your side of the story and try to understand you.
Because I love you, I’m willing to put my principles aside for one moment, become that blank slate you wanted me to be and listen.
And I hope to God you won’t disappoint me…
Because I might love you, but this is the last and only chance I can give you.
“I won’t disappoint you,” she whispers. “Never again.”
“Let’s do this,” I grunt as I hold tightly onto her. “On the count of three, we jump.”
We take a step towards the edge of the plane as I start counting.
I steel myself against the wave of fear that assails me as I try to be strong for the both of us. I’m in charge of both of our lives, and that means I need to keep my head in the game.
Though I’ve jumped a few times before, mainly as a recreational activity, I’ve never done one from this low altitude. A base jump is only ever encouraged in extreme situations—which we most definitely find ourselves in. For a successful jump, I’ll need to pull on the parachute the moment we are in the air. The goal is to give it as much time as possible to extend so it attenuates our fall.
More than anything, that means I need to keep a clear head to not miss my time. It’s a matter of milliseconds, and if I said that didn’t terrify me, I’d be lying.
I’m absolutely terrified.
But I can’t show it because that would freak Noelle out too.
So, I push it all down and focus on the present.
Despite my ever-growing headache and the pulsating pain in my chest, I focus on this one defining moment.
“Three,” I say.
In the next moment, we’re in the air. I don’t let my mind wander; I don’t focus on fear or the fact that we’re free falling.
I simply pull on the parachute.
A sigh of relief escapes me when I see that it extends in the air with no issues, our fall slowing down until we’re almost floating.
“Raf… Oh my God,” Noelle exclaims, her hand finding mine as she gives it a squeeze. “We’re…we’re flying,” she gulps down in awe.
“That we are,” I chuckle as I try to steer the parachute a bit further from the crash place of the tail. The last thing we want is to hurt ourselves in the debris.
“Hang on. We’re almost there.”
