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Maybe she was mad. Maybe she didn’t want to be anything other than mad.
Because at least she still had him.
The more she found herself in conflict with her daily life, the more she relied on her dreams—that land she could only visit at night but which she could tailor perfectly to her liking. And there, her Blue—Rafaelo as she’d call him affectionately if they were face to face—was hers and hers alone.
How many times had she dreamed about him holding her, kissing her, making love to her? How many times she’d snuggled into her pillow, inhaling deeply as if she could recreate his scent?
She wasn’t ashamed to admit she spent her days half a ghost because her nights were consumed by thoughts of him. If she wasn’t plotting her next move, she was imagining how her future would look like with him.
Lucero had been very frank with her.
“I don’t know how you could trust another man after El Señor.”
“Blue isn’t just any other man,” she’d replied, almost offended. “He’s…the kindest, most thoughtful person. Not all men are like this, Lucero,” she’d told her friend, knowing her own experiences had soured her completely towards the opposite sex.
“But…wouldn’t you be scared that he…”
“He would never raise a hand against me.”
Lucero had refrained from questioning her assurance considering she didn’t know the real him. Instead, she’d confessed that she didn’t believe there were good men. All her life she’d never met one who didn’t want to either rape her or abuse her.
Noelle could certainly understand her point of view.
But Blue was Blue. And she was absolutely certain that he would never do anything against her wishes.
That had been their last conversation on the topic since Lucero had seen that Noelle was unyielding when it came to her Blue. Instead, she’d quietly supported her.
But that was Lucero. She was quite possibly the purest person Noelle had ever met. And despite her naiveté that was so contrary to their battle for survival, Noelle didn’t want to see her lose the core of who she was. For that reason alone, she’d promised herself that she would never force Lucero out of her comfort zone, preferring to keep quiet about the more morally questionable matters. After all, if she found out, Lucero would involve herself simply to help Noelle—even if it went against everything she believed in.
Noelle didn’t want that. She was already gone, so she wasn’t worried about herself. But Lucero could still hold onto her humanity for longer.
“The ceremony will start in an hour,” Lucero’s voice made Noelle turn her head towards the door of her room.
“I’m ready,” she nodded, tying the traditional belt around her waist.
She did her best to conceal the small bags she’d attached to the body underneath the clothes, for that was to be the main attraction of the show.
“It has to work,” Lucero said as she neared her side to help her put on the headdress.
Noelle noted the difference in her wording. Usually, she would ask her if it would work, not that ithadto work.
“It will,” she assured her. “I have this. By the end of the day, Sergio will kneel tome,” she said, determination dripping from every syllable.
Looking at her reflection in the mirror, Noelle saw the same conviction shine bright in her eyes, just as she noted her different appearance. It had nothing to do with the traditional clothing she was wearing. Rather, it had everything to do with who she’d become—the person she’d transformed to be able to come to this point.
It hadn’t been easy.
She would be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about what she was about to do countless times, knowing she was either going towards her salvation, or her death. Such thoughts tended to change a person, whether they wanted to or not.
But that was another lesson she had to learn.
With the power to choose also came the responsibility for one’s choice.
“Let’s do this,” she nodded.
Lucero lent Noelle her arm as they slowly made their way to the courtyard. She had to be careful to not disturb her outfit and make sure she didn’t burst any of the bags underneath before the time was right.
Music blasted through the air, together with the sound of people talking loudly and singing along.
