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Her brothers weren't any better. Cisco, the oldest, barely bothered with her, more often than not absent for business reasons. Amo and Thadeo, twelve and fourteen years older than her, thought itfunnyto ridicule her clothes and her incidents at school. They didn't realize that theirgood humorwas just another jab to Noelle's already battered front.
The insults stung. Especially at home, they created a hostile environment that had Noelle suffocating under the weight of her failures. Though she kept her true self tight to her chest, protecting it as best as she could, she was still human, with human feelings. And every little reproach eroded at the little armor she'd surrounded herself with.
Yet it was all that rejection that had made Noelle grow wiser far beyond her years. She'd seen the world not through idealistic, rose-colored glasses, but rather through the prism of grim experience. And she'd learned that it simply wasn't worth it. Why should she try when her effort would never be appreciated?
Her eyes lingered for a moment on the girls laughing—most probably at her expense—and she felt a flicker of longing.
Everyone assumed she hated people. And she did. But she didn't hate them inherently. She hated them because they'd made her hate them.
There were too many times when her strong front cracked, little tendrils of longing slithering out and reaching for the world. Yet the world never reached back. Burned, she could only rein herself in. Time and time again.
It's not worth it.
She whispered the words to herself, seeking to convince herself she didn't want it, that she didn't need it.
But deep down, the sad fact was that she did want it.
Noelle wanted someone she could talk to. Someone who accepted her as she was without trying to change her.
She wanted to be…liked. For herself and for everything that she was.
Why was it so hard?
Why did everyonedislike her so much?
As she realized the direction of her thoughts, she shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut in an attempt to stop the developing pain in her chest. She was fine as she was. She didn't need anyone. She hadn't needed anyone until then, she wasn't going to need anyone from there on.
But it would be nice to have someone.
There was that voice in her head that whispered and beckoned—placing all her deepest desires in front of her before snatching them away.
But she couldn't give in. She'd already been let down one too many times in her short life.
Hope only brought disappointment. And Noelle didn't want to fall prey to it again.
Sometimes she wished she could shut down her feelings—that side of herself deep down that still fostered a certain kind of hope.
Blinking, she brought herself back to the present and to the realization that the girls had moved, coming to her side.
"What do you want?" Noelle frowned, asking the question in the same emotionless tone she always used—the one that signaled she wanted to be left alone.
"Alyssa told us what you did at the recital," one of the girls said. Noelle struggled to remember her name, but she was sure she'd never interacted with her.
"And what did I do?"
"Don't play dumb," she burst out just as she pushed Noelle, her palm connecting with her shoulder. Noelle reeled back, and catching the girl's wrist, she flung it from her person.
"She was supposed to be the star. She already has a concert lined up, didn't you hear?" The girl smirked.
"So? Good for her. Now please leave," Noelle added in a quiet voice, returning her attention to her notebook and ignoring the girls.
They should soon get the memo and leave her alone.
Except they didn't.
One moment she was trying to doodle in peace, the next she found herself falling to the floor, her chair snatched from under her as echoes of laughter surrounded her.
"Come on, put a spell on me, too. I want to see you try."
