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I cleared my throat. “I wanted her to know that I was thinking of her.”
“I think she knows.”
“You don’t seem like you’re pissed at me…” I leaned back in my chair.
“I’m not. I’m your therapist right now, and I’m here to talk about you. You are clearly going through something, and I want to help you.”
“I left your daughter when she needed me most,” I said, raising a brow, almost begging her to get angry with me. That would make things easier.
Her eyes widened. “My daughter needed you most when you pulled her out of the ice and rushed her to the hospital. How could I be anything other than grateful? I know how much you love Georgia.”
“I don’t know why I ran. And now, I don’t really know how to fix it. This feeling that I could lose her—it’s overpowering me. I’m drowning in fear,” I admitted.
She leaned forward and took my hand. “I know why you ran.”
“Why?”
“Those first few days in the hospital, when she was in a coma and we didn’t know if she was going to wake up, you were in shock. You’d experienced something traumatizing, just like she did. But yours wasn’t visible to the outside world. But that fear, the flashbacks of that terrorizing moment, seeing her the way you did…” She swiped at the tear running down her face. “Doing what you did that day was not easy. You stayed calm and in control. You did what needed to be done. And now… it’s not easy either. To process all that happened. To realize that you love someone so deeply, and the fear of losing them hits you smack dab in the face. Especially when you combine all of this with the fact that you’ve been through a similar trauma with your mother, and you didn’t get this outcome. It’s human nature to think of all that could have gone wrong. So… you’re processing it all, Maddox.”
“But she needs me.”
“Georgia is a strong girl. But I do think you talking to her about this would be helpful for both of you. She knows you love her. That’s not what’s hurting her.”
“What do you mean? Is she not recovering well?” I pushed to my feet as my heart started racing.
She stood, a kind smile spreading across her face. “No. She’s physically on the road to recovery and doing well. She’s hurting because she knows that you’re hurting. She doesn’t like knowing that you’re alone and dealing with this on your own.”
“My sweet fucking fairy,” I whispered under my breath, but Alana chuckled, which made me think she heard me.
“I have one-hundred-percent faith in you, Maddox Lancaster.” She squeezed my hand.
“I guess I’ve been bashing my father for leaving my mother when she was sick, and now, look at the way that I ran.” I shrugged. I hated the thought that I could be anything like him. “I guess that makes me a hypocrite.”
“You and your father are very different people, Maddox. I know that. You know that. You didn’t leave Georgia when she needed you. No one is questioning your loyalty. Taking a step away when you’re terrified is okay. What he did was completely different. But maybe there’s a part of you that can forgive some of his actions, because they stemmed from fear. Yes, he made some really bad choices after that, and that’s on him. And what you do moving forward is on you.”
She leaned up and kissed my cheek. “You’re a good man, Maddox. I have all the faith in you. I’ll see you back in Cottonwood Cove next week for our usual appointment?”
“Thanks for coming. I’m going to figure this out.”
“I don’t doubt that for a minute.” She held her hand up. “I’ve got a helicopter to catch.”
“Thanks again,” I said as she made her way down the hallway.
I closed the door and squeezed my eyes closed.
What the fuck was I doing? Was I really going to let fear stop me from being with the woman I loved?
Fuck no.
Time to sober up and get my shit together.
And byget my shit together, I meant get my girl back.
Because nothing worked without her.
thirty-three
Georgia
