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“Until me.”
“Until you,” I confirmed.
“And the boundaries are because your mother clearly has none.”
“Right.”
“And you freaked when I said sex was fun because that’s what your mom taught you sex was. Only fun. I think you said something about it being interchangeable.”
“Yes. And that relationships aren’t something I want.”
He cocked his head, as if surprised by that even though I told him I didn’t want one. “Because you don’t want the kind your mom has.”
“Exactly. What about you?” I countered, licking my bottom lip. I had the taste of him on my tongue still. “You obviously had a relationship with Danny’s mom. Any others?”
“I was nineteen when I was with Haven. Danny’s mom. It was a teenage relationship which was pretty much hanging out and having sex. We had zero intention of having a child, but birth control isn’t foolproof. She bailed. Danny’s the best thing in my life and I wouldn’t change having him for anything.”
“But no relationships.”
He shook his head and frowned. “I got derailed by that one. I wasn’t letting it happen again.”
And he still wasn’t. Especially now that he sold his business and Danny was all grown up. “Because your life plans got changed when you had him and now, finally, you get to live them.”
“Exactly.” He huffed out a breath. “College isn’t happening now, but the other things on my bucket list are.”
I knew he didn’t mean for those words to hurt, but I felt them. I wasn’t a life plan. I wasn’t on his bucket list. I was temporary.
Temporary was what I wanted. How could I want more from a man who wasn’t going to be here? I wasn’t going to Scotland or wherever else he roamed. I couldn’t feel things for someone else who walked away. My father left. Mom left. Sure, she came back, but didn’t see me for who I was. She didn’t understand that the meals and the job and living still in my grandmother’s house was all because she pretty much messed with my head? I craved consistency, constancy, and permanence.
If I wasn’t getting it from those who were supposed to care for me, then I had to provide it for myself.
The orgasms with Daniel were amazing, but it would be back to me and my drawer of sex toys soon enough. I’d given myself pleasure before, I could do it again.
Daniel didn’t need to get stuck in Hunter Valley like he had over twenty years ago. He’d soon resent me.
“Like your parents, mine aren’t great role models either,” he added. “My dad divorced my mom when I was eight because he fell for his secretary. They got married and had Sea Bass, Saint, and Seth.”
I had to smile. “Why do you call Sebastian, Sea Bass?”
He smirked. “Saint and Seth couldn’t say his full name. They only got half of it and it stuck.”
“So Sebas to Sea Bass? Does he even like to fish?”
“He does.”
Huh.
We were perfectly defective together. I had no idea what a real relationship looked like and well, neither did he. Not if his dad dumped his mom with Daniel and Deek to start a second family. It wasn’t swinging, but his dad certainly made relationships seem interchangeable.
“I meant it when I said you’re staying with me. I don’t want you in that house with those two.”
“Yes.”
He nodded once, probably expecting me to argue. “Good. Then let’s get to my place so I can see to that needy pussy of yours.”
“What about Danny?”
Danny was really upset and that confrontation the day before had been really embarrassing. Caught by his brothers was one thing, but Danny? Gah.
