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“Oh, God.” I feel sick at the thought.
“I know. You’d just told me how important it was to you to get that promotion, and I knew this would ruin you. You said before that if our relationship came to light, everyone would want to high-five me for being a stud, and everyone would think you were sleeping your way to the top. It’s a sucky thing about society, but it’s true. I would have come out of it just fine. You wouldn’t.”
“I ... I could have handled it,” I protest faintly.
I probably would’ve lost my job and been kicked out on the streets. But I could’ve survived that. Right?
Ugh. What a conniving, vicious...
“I couldn’t take that chance. I felt like I couldn’t be with you anymore. For your sake mostly, but also because my mother had me questioning everything. If she could somehow convince me that she was genuine and pull the rug out from under me, anyone could. I didn’t want to drag you down to the depths with me.” He shakes his head. “I was standing there, a wreck of a man, feeling like just a dumbass because my mother fooled me yet again.”
“Mason.” Fury bubbles up inside me. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me that? What were we to each other, that you couldn’t tell me that?”
“Amanda said she would destroy you if I didn’t let her take over the representation. And all I wanted to do at that point was curl up in a corner, or more likely drink until I passed out. So I did what I thought was best for you.”
“I… wish you hadn’t.”
His face goes bleak. “I wasn’t thinking, and I wanted to protect you. That was the only way that I could think to do it.”
“You just ...” I’m speechless.
Mason looks at me with longing. “I have missed you so much, Rowan.” He leans forward, brushing my hair out of my face. “If I could do it all over, I’d do it differently.”
Our eyes lock and my body tingles all over. He leans in for a kiss. My lips part, my heart melting in my chest ...
The longing that swells up inside me is so fierce that it brings tears to my eyes.
But the hurt he caused is still there. The decisions might’ve been made out of good intentions, but they were still bad. They broke me.
I jerk back away from him.
“No,” I whisper, closing my eyes and steeling my resolve. “Damn it, Mason. You absolutely wrecked me, you know that? You let Cecelia deliver that news to me about changing representation. You didn’t even have the guts to tell me yourself. I was humiliated. And you didn’t even care enough about us, about me, to give me an explanation. You very nearly cost me my job. And you just took the easy way out, knowing how much it would hurt me. I didn’t want to let you in in the first place, you know that. It wasn’t a secret that I was dodging feelings. Was it?”
“I ... yes.”
“Yes what, Mason?”
“It wasn’t a secret that you wanted to be cautious all along.” He nods somberly. “I wanted more from you. I pushed for you to let me in, and then I screwed it up.” His head lulls back on a groan. “I’m a mess. Hell, when I dated Lexi, I’d disappear for weeks sometimes, and she just put up with it because she wanted to be dating Mason Raker. I’m not proud of that. I’m not good relationship material, and I knew that, but I just wanted you so damned much.”
“You wanted your cake and all that. Sex without strings. You didn’t want me.”
He shakes his head in protest. “That’s not true at all.”
I can’t ... I can’t do this. I can’t trust him. I can’t trust myself. I can’t think straight. “You ... you should go. You need to talk to Ralph about the team, today, and I need to talk to Cecelia.”
I leap to my feet.
“Rowan ...” Mason stands up, a look of deep sorrow on his face.
“I’m going to my bedroom, and when I come back out, you should be gone.” Tears spill from my eyes. “You need to go, now.”
I hurry to the bedroom without looking back and shut the door behind me.
I feel sick to my stomach.
Everything that he said hurt. From the continued betrayal of his mother, to what he put me through. It’s all too much to process and this epic hangover isn’t helping.
I can’t think straight.
