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“Right,” I say to myself with a firm nod as I take a sip of my coconut water.
Still a little too hot.
It’s hard to replicate body temperature in a liquid that was never in a body, and using an ancient microwave to do it makes it even more difficult.
Tea kettles don’t work—it gives the water a strange taste.
Warming it in a pan does the same thing, and leaving the cans room temperature doesn’t achieve the same thing I need the vegan blood substitute to do.
Vegan blood.
What a joke.
It’s not a terrible alternative, but it sure as hell isn’t the same.
Coconut water doesn’t last as long, and buying enough to keep myself fed and sane is damn expensive.
And let me tell you, it’s not exactly easy to find a strictly overnight job with next-to-no social interaction that asks no questions—or for legal documents—and covers rent, utilities, my needs, and Roger’s expenses.
My gaze shifts to my cat, who’s now awkwardly sprawled on the bed trying in vain to lick his ass and tail.
“Maybe if you lost a few pounds, cleaning your butthole on my pillow wouldn’t be so difficult.” He stops and looks at me as I push off the counter and walk over to my dresser. “Sticking to your diet would help.” I throw back my dinner and set the mug next to my deodorant, opening the top drawer to grab a pair of socks. “Can’t complain too much, I guess. Not since you finally stopped fainting like a goat every time I put your leash on. You’re down a whopping six pounds now that you actually walk to work with me.”
Roger blinks at me slowly, stares a little longer, then resumes trying to get his ass clean.
“Exercise is good for both of us,” I basically say to myself since mycatdoesn’t talk back, and I’ve apparently lost my goddamn mind based on the amount I talk to him, anyway.
Definitely time to head to work. I need some more human interaction before I start talking to the furniture.
****
“Hey, Felix,” Mandy says with a smile as Roger and I walk into Hellcat Studio—the tiny little public access radio station where I work.
And where I record The Nerd Word.
“Hey.” I give her a nod as I set my messenger bag on the floor of the sound room, then unhook Roger’s leash. “How was it today?”
She shrugs. “Uneventful. Quieter than usual. Lawrence had a family emergency, so he didn’t come in.”
“So no, Law’s War tonight?”
“Nope.” Mandy chuckles as she grabs her jacket. “Normal lineup otherwise, but I didn’t realize how much of a mess Lawrence made while he rehashed the great battles through history.”
This is where I could say something witty like,war is pretty messy, maybe a little smarter than that, but I could try for a little bit of conversation. I don’t though, because I’m still kind of hungry and the longer Mandy stays, the more she’ll look like a snack.
“See you tomorrow, Felix.”
I nod my goodbye as she heads for the door, and as soon as Mandy leaves, I lock up and start on my normal routine.
Technically, I’m just the janitor here at the studio, cleaning at night, doing light maintenance and upkeep to a building that's been around since the sixties, but when the owner found out I was semi-handy when it came to the electronic side of things, he asked me to do more.
At first, I just made sure the classical music that plays from 10 p.m. to 5 a.m. ran smoothly, but now I keep all the radio equipment in working order. Everything from the DJ mics and headphones to the soundboard and PA system.
I’m not incredibly knowledgeable or some tech guru, but I know enough to keep the station running at night, and it was exactly what I needed to bargain with in order to gain use of the studio for my own recording purposes.
My apartment had a lot of background noise and the wiring is shit, and since my computer and Wi-Fi is almost more than it can handle, there’s no way I could have a bunch of recording equipment hooked up in there.
So I come to Hellcat around ten, fire up the classical so it plays all night, get to cleaning the studio top to bottom, and make sure nothing needs fixing, then I use the extra equipment to record my podcast.
