Page 45 of My Perfect Villain


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I step back and look at the house, trying to figure out which window is the bathroom. When I spot that guy’s grumpy face in one, I jerk away, startled. I shake out of it and hurry toward him as he opens it.

“What’s your name?” I ask.

“Kiza.”

“You’re friends with my brother?”

“No,” he grunts.

“Then why are you helping me?”

“Money.”

That makes sense…

He sticks his arm out the window, and it takes a moment for me to realize what he wants. I thrust the hose into his hand, then hurry back into the house.

I sit on the couch and watch as he works, but the door is mostly closed, so I only get glimpses now and then. I check my phone, looking for an update on The Nerd Word, but get nothing. I don’t want to sit here and listen to repeats while this guy is here, so instead, I just scroll through the episodes and recall Felix’s smooth and smokey voice.

So far, I think my favorite was listening to him talk about nebulophilia, and only because he said the word “aroused” seven times during the episode, which really got me going.

Would be nice if he’d accepted one of my suggestions, like pegging or spanking. Those are much easier to cover than some of the things he’s talked about. Words I’ve never even heard of before, though I do enjoy the educational aspect of his podcast too. Still, I’d prefer to hear him talk dirty to me, rather than learn about formicophilia—arousal to insects—which I think Kiza is dealing with in the bathroom right now, if the grunts echoing from in there are any indication…

Though, had Felix not talked about that, I’d not know what to call it now.

Again, I’d rather he tell me to get on my knees and choke on his cock than be taught new words, even if they are helpful.

Kiza spends quite a bit of time in the bathroom before he comes out, lugging something inside of the trash bag, which I assume is the body. He doesn’t say anything as he passes me, just heads to the truck where he tosses the bag into the back, wipes his hands on his pants, then comes back inside.

He disappears into the bathroom again, and I figure I need to do something to keep myself busy, so I head into the kitchen and find something to eat.

Everything in the fridge is either empty or bad, so I grab another can of beans from the cabinet, pry it open with a knife, then start to eat. When I turn to rest against the counter, I find Kiza standing in the doorway, staring at me like I’ve turned purple.

“Do you have any idea how to survive up here?”

“Excuse me?”

He gestures toward me. “You opened that can like a fucking savage.”

I stare down at it, not understanding what he means. The can is perfectly fine.

He shakes his head, then comes into the kitchen and pulls open some drawers and finds some weird scissor looking thing but without the sharp part.

He holds his hand out, then widens his eyes and focuses on the can in my hands, so I give it to him. Even though I don’t want to because I’m hungry and they are good.

He rests it on the counter, puts the scissor looking things on the can, then starts to turn the handle.

The top of the can slowly cuts away from the sides.

“Wow…” I say in awe, smiling up at Kiza.

“This is a can opener. Use it, before you slice off a fucking finger.” He drops it to the counter. “And don’t let bodies sit for that long ever again, especially if you’re going to be as messy as that.” He points to the bathroom. He opens the fridge and shakes his head again. “And order some damn food.”

He storms out of the kitchen, and I hurry after him.

“How do I do that?”

“I’ll be done in five minutes, and I’ll let you know.”

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