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“And what do you want?”
“I’m considering it.” He didn’t seem as happy as he should. I knew Kiran was like me. We wanted to please our parents. And with being the prodigal child came big expectations that we wouldn’t let them down. Moving in with someone out of wedlock would probably throw our parents into a disappointed tailspin. I covered his hand with mine understanding his dilemma. “Well, I wish you the best in whatever you decide.”
“Thanks. What about you? Are you seeing anyone?”
I thought about Axel, and what we did. What I did. The intensity in his gaze as I touched myself, like he wanted to devour me…
“You are, aren’t you?” Kiran’s words interrupted my thoughts. “You’re touching your cheeks.”
“No,” I denied. “It’s just unusually humid tonight.”
He laughed. “Good one, Nat. But seriously, you’re in college. You should be having fun, going out on dates.”
“I am having fun.” I nudged him as an exclamation point. “I’m not an old maid.”Liar, I chided. I wasn’t having an awful time, but I wasn’t exactly living it up either.
“Good. The college years are the best years of your life. And don’t worry about what our parents said earlier. You know our mothers… their bark is bigger than their bite. They can’t help but meddle in our futures. They’ve always been like that.”
“I know,” I said, but there was an equal dose of doubt in my mind, too. My mom could be very persistent when she wanted something. Her perspective had changed since my father had passed. Mine had, too.
“Besides,” he added, “life is too short to let others dictate how to live it.” He reached out and touched my shoulder. “Just seize the opportunities when they arise. Live with no regrets.”
Live without regrets. Could I do that? I’d been trained to always do the right thing. Be a good girl. My life wasn’t a hardship by any means, but I’d always been raised to follow a plan. Almost as if I had tunnel vision. I’d always focused on that tunnel, but now I could see me veering off that path. It wasn’t so much a variance, just an exploration. Regardless of my musings, I glanced up at my childhood friend. “All right.” I smiled. “You, too.”
The door opened behind us, and my mom seemed very pleased with herself. “It’s time to open presents. Come on, you two.”
It was after midnight when everyone finally went home. Mom and I were sitting on the couch, having tea as we thumbed through the one hundred pictures my mom had taken on her cell of everyone opening their presents.
When she saw the picture of Kiran and me in front of the Christmas tree, she said, “You know, I was serious earlier about you and Kiran. You two have always been so close.”
Here we go. “Mom, I’m very involved in my life at school, and Kiran is, too.” I would never out Kiran about his relationship, but I didn’t want her to keep pushing this because it was starting to get very awkward now.
“I think you should start considering the idea. You will finish your bachelor’s soon, and you could transfer to Duke to pursue your master’s, then you and Kiran would not have to deal with a long-distance relationship. Problem solved.”
Arguing with my mom was like going twelve rounds in a heavyweight fight. She could go on and on until you collapsed in the ring. “Mom, I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” I kissed her cheek.
She stood up with me. “Just think about what I said. It’s what your father wished for you, as well.” She dropped her head as she twisted her hands. “He wanted the best for you.”
“I know.” I fought the tears burning to fall. I missed him so much. If only I had more time with him. I thought about Kiran’s words…Live with no regrets. “I’ll think about it,” I lied, knowing that was the last thing I wanted to do, but I couldn’t flat-out say no to her.
When I went to bed, I couldn’t sleep. Turning to the side, I grabbed my phone off my nightstand and opened the text from Axel earlier.
With my thumbs hovering over the screen, I typed out a message.
I miss my dad. I wish he were here.Shaking my head, I deleted the message and typed out another message.
Me:My family is great. Did you go home for the holidays?
A few minutes later a text came through.
Axel:Yup. We had dinner and exchanged gifts.
Me:We did too.
Axel:Hope Santa was good to you.
I smiled.
Me:He was.
