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And his touch isn’t as bad as I thought it might be. I’d been dreading physical contact with anyone, even my sister, but Vadik’s hands are big, strong, and warm. And his eyes are full of caring. Say what you want about him, he is not a heartless monster. It just takes a little work to get beyond his thick, scaly exterior.
But I still have my limits and can’t make myself hold his gaze. It’s just too… uncomfortable. I’m looking anywhere but at his face, and he’s only inches from mine. If he wants more connection than I can give at this moment, he’ll have to go without. I’m not here for him that way, not today.
I’m like a big piece of glass with a crack down the middle. I can be repaired, maybe, but I also might crumble to pieces. I don’t know which. Neither do the guys. This weighs on them, I can tell. On one hand, I’m fortunate to have someone worrying about me. Most of my life, that has not been the case. But on the other, it’s a shitload of responsibility. I can feel the weight of it on my shoulders. I don’t want to let them down, and the pressure has been pushing me away.
We’re all hurting, but I can’t take care of them right now. They have to rely on their own resources. My distancing may feel hostile and cold, but I’m in survival mode and for the time being, they’ll just have to take care of themselves. I can’t take on their pain. I couldn’t if I wanted to.
I’m just getting by, for Christ’s sake. If it weren’t for my sister, I’m not even sure I’d bother.
In spite of myself, I can’t help but let my eyes flutter closed when Vadik’s lips land on my damp neck. He pushes wet strings of hair off my skin and it’s actually reassuring, like taking a deep breath after swimming the length of a pool under water. His kisses are calming, as if he’s telling me with his body that things will be okay.
In time.
Or maybe that’s the story I’m telling myself, one I’ve told myself so many times before. I am pretty sure I’ve lost my old optimism, but maybe there’s still a smidgeon somewhere deep inside, which Vadik is drawing out by taking on some of the pain that has so overwhelmed me.
His brothers settle in across the room, taking seats for themselves, and it dawns on me they areherefor me. Like,reallyhere for me. Not just physically, but also emotionally. They’re taking on some of my hurt so I can get ahead of it and maybe even at some point beat it off. That’s caring.
So I step away from Vadik and walk to the middle of the room. I drop my robe and stand there defiantly, stark naked, for all to see, and turn, finally making eye contact with each of the brothers. I’m not saying my unease, the itchiness I feel in my own skin, is gone or forgotten, but a little twist of desire, of want, has heated up inside me and it’s telling me to go with it, that the guys won’t hurt me and in fact will make me feel quite good if I let them.
And that I might enjoy making them feel good, as well.
“Come closer,” I say.
In seconds, I am surrounded by the three most beautiful men I’ve ever laid eyes on. Their dangerous good looks never stop amazing me, every damn time I look at them. To be honest, it takes my breath away that God made men so stunning and that for many godforsaken reasons, my life path has crossed with theirs. It’s looking like ours may be infinitely entwined, whether I want that or not.
On my left is Kir, whose thick black hair just brushes his shoulders, a small rebellion against his brothers’ more buttoned-up styles. Placing my hand on the back of his neck, I step closer, until our lips touch. His kiss is gritty and rough and demanding just like he is, and his fists knead the flesh of my ass so hard I know he’ll leave bruises.
He makes me feel alive.
Directly in front of me is Niko, the charmer of the three Alekseev men, able to negotiate his way out of all manner of difficult situations just by order of his patient, easy-going persona. He’s young, closer to my age than the other guys, and we crack shared jokes about the music and TV shows of our time. I run my nails along his jawline facial scruff and settle them into his dirty blond hair, for once not sweeping aside the lock that always seems to fall into his face. The kiss he gives me is sensual, luxurious, and unhurried. When our tongues meet, my nipples stiffen even though the room’s grown warm.
He makes me feel safe.
Vadik stands on my right, and I return to kissing him the way I meant to just moments before. I draw back for a moment and run my finger down his crooked nose and he laughs, we all laugh, and he grabs a hank of my hair and pulls me to him for a deep, soul-clenching kiss, one that releases all the butterflies in my stomach that have been cocooned for too long. I run my open palms over his shaved head and remember what he looked like with a head of thick black hair like his brother Kir, which I saw in those strange photos from Dominika’s locker.
He makes me feel scared. In a good way.
Kir has started removing his jacket and tie, followed by Niko, and the way the men look at me is with so much desire it scares me for a moment, thinking I could never be what they want me to, could never measure up to their expectations.
But that’s to worry about another day because we’re here right now and I am enough, in fact, I’m more than enough. Dimitri and his gang might have inflicted their pain on me, both physically and mentally, but they haven’t stolen my soul, and this is something I need to reassure the Alekseev brothers of.
I back up toward my bed and when I reach it, take a seat and slide back. I fluff a pillow under my head because I want to watch everything, everything these men do to me. I spread my legs, and run one finger though my pussy in invitation. As if they need one.
I nearly come because I haven’t touched myself in so long, my desire having been deadened, and now I’m hyper-sensitive, and it’s fucking delicious. With the guys’ attentions on me, I lift my hips to grind against my hand, and slide one finger inside myself.
“Holy fuck,” Kir says, joining me on the bed. “You wanna suck some cock, baby?” he asks.
I smile and laugh, because of course I do. He inches up to where my head rests on a pillow and straddles my face like he’s about to fuck it. But before I take his cock, I let his balls fall to my mouth, where I lick and tease them, just to torment him a bit.
After, I grip his hard cock and direct it to my lips, where I taste his first drop of salty precum, then slide his head past my lips, where I give him a swirl of my tongue.
“Fuck yeah,” he grunts, pulsing his hips.
While I can’t see behind Kir, I know Vadik’s hands are on my thighs. He runs his tongue between my pussy lips, and I shudder from the sensation. He presses my thighs further apart and holds them there. I still manage to buck my hips despite his restraining me.
With Kir fucking my face and Vadik between my legs, I want still more and have an idea. I push Kir out of my mouth and off my face, and Vadik stops too.
I scramble to my knees. “Kir, lay down so I can get on top,” I say, pointing at the bed.
