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“It’s not published yet. I guess she just sent a proof or whatever you call it.” He reaches for his phone and starts scrolling. “Here. Check it out,” he says, thrusting it at me.
Glisten Magazine
Surviving Man-Sports
by Ava Sterling
Final Draft, May issue
Dear Reader,
We all know this guy, the one who lives in a world where sports is religion, athletes are gods, and ESPN the Bible. What happens when you, a sports skeptic or maybe even full—on misanthrope, fall for a man whose religion of choice is the NFL, NBA, MLB or, God forbid, all three, including any other acronyms I’ve missed? Do you find yourself, a self-proclaimed sports-averse woman, thrust into a world of obscure stats, referee call debates, and fantasy leagues? Well, don’t despair. Ava is here to help you navigate the pain of dealing with something foreign, and if I may say so, uninteresting.
Now, I’m throwing no shade on you sports-loving gals. Get your game on, honeys. But for those of us who don’t dig the field, court, pitch, or whatever they call that stuff, read on.
Balance, darling
Just because he's hosting the Super Bowl Sunday doesn't mean your living room has to transform into a sports bar, not unless he's okay with it doubling as a sex toy party for the girls on Saturdays. It's all about balance, darling. If he gets the big TV for the playoffs, you get it for the ‘Sex and the City’ reunion. Or ‘60 Minutes.’ Take your pick.
Choose your own sport
Let's not stereotype here, friends. Not all sports involve burly men crashing into each other. There's track and field, gymnastics, tennis, women’s basketball, and soccer, all filled with as much drama and passion as any Knicks game. Find yourself a sport you love and turn those tables. Enjoy watching him trying to keep up with our incredible women athletes.
Own the menu
If you have to suffer through a four-hour game, you should not be subjected to a sportsman’s idea of fine dining. No, let someone else serve those buffalo chicken wings, chip ‘n dip, and craft beers. Feel free to set out a nice ‘girl dinner’ of charcuterie, cheeses, and for heaven’s sake, don’t forget the quince spread. Who knows, you might get so immersed in the culinary side of things that you won't even notice that the game's gone into overtime... again.
Redirect
Don't want to learn the difference between a three-pointer and a field goal? Neither do I. Use game time as your 'you time.' That’s right. If you feel so inclined, you can sit with your sports lover, but read that new book, polish those nails, or start your online Christmas shopping. If he notices you’re there (and some dudes won’t) he’ll be glad for your company.
Find your favorite player
Not all athletes are created equal. Some have the charisma and human-interest storylines that can make even the sports-averse take notice. From handsome quarterbacks with hearts of gold to scandal-ridden power forwards, there's a player out there who's morePeople MagazinethanSports, Inc. Find your athlete crush and it might just make watching a tad bit more enjoyable.
Join the Sports Squad
Listen, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Start learning about his favorite sport, just enough to pretend you know what's going on. Maybe even throw in some random stats at dinner like, "Did you know the average life span of a football is only about 3,000 kicks? That's less than my patience with football."
Trade-off Time
Encourage mutual respect. Tell him, "For every hour you watch sports, I get to choose an activity we do together. Let’s start with knitting. Don't worry, it's competitive too, you know.”
Just remember, love is like a game of tennis, it requires service, a good return, and lots of love (pun intended). Just make sure you're not always the one doing the serving. At the end of the day, remember that we all have our quirks, hobbies, and obsessions. So, even if you never understand the thrill he gets when his team scores, remember the excitement you felt when that limited edition designer handbag finally went on sale. We all have our sports; some just involve fewer balls.
May the odds, and the remote control, be ever in your favor!
XOXO
Ava
I laugh weaklyand hand Andy his phone back. “Good one!” I say with too much enthusiasm, sweat dripping down the back of my neck.
I need to have a talk with Ava, and I need it now. Problem is, I will have no alone time with her until her brother leaves. Which means my stomach is going to be churning acid nonstop for the next several days.
This is so not cool. She did it on purpose, first to send us guys a middle-finger sort of message, and then to fuck with us because there’s nothing we can do about it as long as Andy is hovering over us all.
Holy crap, did she get one over on us. I have to hand it to her.
