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I’m not taking all my things. I can figure that out later, if and when I’ve decided on my next steps. For now, I just need some space and a new perspective. Cami offered me the guest room in her apartment, so I jumped at it. My current apartment is, at least at the moment, just too much of a tornado of emotions. In fact, I got to the place where I couldn’t even sleep at night, and am avoiding Jasper, leaving before him in the morning, and hiding in my room when he gets home.
So freaking juvenile and stupid, I know. But I can’t figure out what else to do. Except leave.
“Just these boxes here,” I say to the burly helper I hired off Craigslist.
With a nod, he bends to pick up three heavy boxes of books like they’re nothing but feathers and heads for the door where Steve waits downstairs. He’s already tackled the green chair, lifting it over his shoulder without breaking a sweat.
I look around the apartment Aunt Dede found for me. She doesn’t want me to leave and had a shit fit insisting that Jasper move out instead. She feels she has somewhat of a claim on the place and that ‘it should stay in the family.’ I assured her it will, and that I’ll move back in if and when Jasper vacates, or I’ll ask him to split. It’s just that right now, for the time being, I need to get out of here.
It's not easy leaving, though. This is my first home in New York, and it’s beautiful. High ceilings and large windows make the place feel massive, and I love that I’ve had my own bathroom.
I’ll be sharing one bathroom with both Cami and Steve. I hope that doesn’t get old too fast.
So now I’ll really just be seeing the guys in the elevator and lobby at work. I wish I weren’t going to run into them at all. I don’t want my resistance weakened every time I see one of their gorgeous faces.
It’s funny, how, when spending a relatively short amount of time with someone—orsomeones—you can get… attached. I mean, the guys treated me better than any other guy ever has, the sex was off the charts, and they were just so freaking fun.
Makes me wonder for a moment whether I really should be running away.
Ugh. Of course, I should. What a ridiculous thing to consider. I’ve thought long and hard about this and I know it’s the right thing to do.
Even though Aunt Dede told me I should reconsider. She stressed that true connection is hard to come by. She thought she had that with a man many years ago, even though he was committed to someone else. By the time she came to her senses and left him, it was too late for her. She missed her opportunity, waiting for someone who would never be there for her.
A story as old as time, she explained.
Maybe in her generation there was an ‘expiration date’ for women. I’m not going to try to change her mind on that—what would be the point?—even though it seems to me she threw in the towel too easily.
It’s funny. I never thought the day would come when I heard a hint of regret in Aunt Dede’s voice. She’s such the diva, the woman about town, always perfectly coiffed, with tons of friends and activities. From the outside, she seems to have the perfect life.
Key word,seems.
If there’s one thing I’m learning, it’s that no one has a perfect existence. Everyone gets their share of life’s shit sandwich.
In spite of Aunt Dede’s insights, that doesn’t stop me from running away from my own situation. Maybe she and I have more in common than I thought. I jump in the front seat of Steve’s van with the moving guy, thanking them both for the hundredth time. We bump over the city streets until we reach Steve and Cami’s apartment on the other side of town, pile out of the moving van, and start carrying things up the stairs.
When we’re finally done, hands on hips, Steve looks around his and Cami’s apartment, now littered with my stuff. “Cami warned me about the green chair,” he says, laughing and poking the seat like it might be booby-trapped.
I move protectively toward it. I can’t help myself. This darn chair has been the subject of never-ending insults since I got it, and I feel the need to defend it like it’s my offspring. “Cami said there’d be space for it in the guest room. I’ll just shove it in a corner. I have a funny attachment to it and I couldn’t bear leaving it behind, worrying about what Jasper and his dude-bros might do to it.”
“Don’t blame you, hon,” he says with a kind smile. “I’m heading back to the office. You make yourself at home, okay?”
My eyes fill with tears, and I throw my arms around him. “Thank you, Steve. Thank you so much.”
Soon as he’s gone, I sit in my beloved chair, where I’ve shed so many tears before, and shed some more, pushed over the edge by Steve’s sensitive kindness. I am truly, truly lucky that my bestie’s husband is nice enough to help out one of her friends without question and without a smidgeon of resentment.
When I’m finally dry, I get to my feet and start dragging my belongings into the guest room. The last thing I want to do is wear out my welcome here too fast. I’m not sure Aunt Dede has any more Manhattan apartments up her sleeve, and I sure can’t go back to where I just came from.
* * *
52
AVA
Crap,it’s getting close to six. To celebrate my new digs, I offered to make dinner for Cami and Lana since Steve is working late.
I push the last of my belongings into every nook and cranny of the guest room—my room for now—and dash to the kitchen to see what I can whip up.
Tearing through Cami’s cabinets and fridge, I locate a can of artichoke hearts and an entire dozen eggs. I text Lana to pick up some wine and a salad, and set to work coating the artichokes with egg and flour, and then add them to a hot frying pan, followed by more eggs.
