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I lingered in the shower well after I was clean. My feet were stuck to the tile floor, caught in a trap of fear and sadness. But I had to stop hiding.
Reese had changed the sheets while I showered, and was lounging in only his underwear, waiting for me.
I’m sure he had something to say, or questions at the very least. I owed it to him to answer them all, but there was something I had to say first.
I sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from him. I knew if I saw his face, saw the hurt I was about to cause, I wouldn’t be able to go through with it.
“Logan?” It was impossible to miss the care in his voice. He was so sweet and so good to me.
“I love you.”
Silence.
What face was he making? Was he shocked? Sad? Pained? It would be a simple thing to turn around and look at him, but I couldn’t bear it.
“I’m in love with you.” I had spent hours trying to figure out how to tell him, but it had never felt right. Now I had run out of chances. “I’ve loved you since the first night we spent together. I don’t expect you to feel the same and I won’t ask you for anything else.” I sighed, an unyielding clutch of anxiety clogging my chest. “I am more grateful to you than I’ll ever be able to convey. Which is why I’m going to take the Byrnes up on their offer.” From behind me came a sharp intake of breath, but I didn’t stop. “I’ll find my own apartment and someday I’ll find a way to repay you for everything you’ve done for me.” My hands began to shake, even when I clasped them together in my lap. “I’ll leave tonight, right now, unless…” My words faltered.Focus Logan. “Unless you want me to stay. If you feel the same way I do, if you love me the way I love you, then I’ll stay. If you don’t…then it’s time that I go.”
I waited, my heart beating away the seconds.
There was only silence.
Tears were beginning to bubble up, and I knew if I stayed much longer I would break. So, I stood, and I walked to the door.
“Thank you for everything,” I whispered, refusing to look back. “You saved me, you know?”
Then I left before the silence could destroy me.
Chapter Eleven
For most of my life, I had kept a comfortable distance from others. I had learned to be charismatic and charming enough to make friends and keep good relationships, but I was careful not to go too far. My peers and their families knew who my father was, and that led to certain expectations.
I had Jeanie and her friends. That gaggle of old ladies kept me safe and loved, their own grandchildren closer to me than my father would have liked. I always carried a fear, though I didn’t know where it started, that if I got too close to someone - even someone my father approved of - I would put them in danger. No one could ever find out the truth.
Then I went to college and I found someone who made me feel like a real person. Someone who would stand beside me because of who I was, not because of my father. I would have been lost without him.
That was why I found myself outside Oliver’s door with nothing but my cell phone and a face stained with tears. He opened the door moments after I knocked, blinked at me, then pulled me into a hug.
I spent a good twenty minutes crying on his couch, and he sat beside me rubbing my back. Once I had exhausted myself I wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and curled into a ball.
Oliver didn’t ask me any questions or pressure me to explain what was wrong. He just waited for me to tell him.
Once I opened my mouth it all came pouring out.
I had told him about Reese ages ago, and he knew I had feelings for him. He had listened to me drone on about the man for more hours than he deserved and never complained. Oliver had encouraged me to tell him how I felt more than once, but I always shot him down. Just being beside him was enough - had been enough - until it wasn’t.
I told him about the Byrnes and how they wanted me to come work for them, and that they might want me to join them in a throuple. I told him about how I had gone to Reese afterward and that we had slept together,reallyslept together, and that I had confessed. That Reese had said nothing and hadn’t stopped me when I left.
He knew everything, except about Jeanie. Maybe it was my pride, or maybe I was just a coward, but that was the one thing I could never bring myself to tell him. I knew he would offer to help, and that he had more than enough money to cover all her bills, but that just made me feel ashamed. Everyone took care of me, and I could offer them nothing in return.
Oliver listened until I was done, then he rose and brought over a bottle of wine and two glasses. He gave each glass a hearty pour then downed the blood-red liquid in one go. When he was finished he set the glass down and looked at me. “Fuck.”
He handed me the other glass and I drank it, letting the wine wash away the lingering taste of Reese’s kisses.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, each to our own thoughts. Oliver was the first to speak. “I’m proud of you.”
I raised an eyebrow. That wasn’t what I was expecting.
