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“I see,” he said through gritted teeth, “and now you want me to leave.”
Shaking his head, Ross walked to the end of the bed and sank down heavily, elbows to knees, holding his head. “Why?” he asked.
“Why?” she repeated, confused by his question.
“Why the about-face? Last night you begged me not to leave you and today you’re begging me to go.”
“I wouldn’t say I was begging last night.” Once again, she struggled to appear casual. She couldn’t let him see how much his leaving would hurt.
“What’s wrong, Jules? Did you make a mistake, get a little too close to the fire? Did that block of ice you call a heart start to thaw?”
His comments hit her like a punch to the stomach. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Can you honestly stand there, look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me?”
“Love you?” Her hands trembled and she was uncertain what response he wanted from her. Surely he didn’t want those words from her and God help her if Ross ever professed to feel love for her. She simply couldn’t handle that.
Love was not a forever thing for him.
“Don’t be silly, Ross. You know how it is.” She laughed and silently hoped it sounded lighthearted. He was far too angry and intense. She needed him to calm down. “We’d just had mind-blowing sex. Of course I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Didn’t mean anything by it? That’s great. Just great. Talk about turnabout is fair play.” Ross dragged his hands through his hair as Julia struggled to hear his next words. “Christ, the first time I give my heart and soul to a woman and she thinks it’s all a fucking game.”
“Heart and soul?” Julia whispered. What the hell is he talking about?
“After everything we’ve done together, shared with each other, you still don’t get it, do you?”
She shook her head slowly as her knees began to tremble. Afraid they would buckle, she glanced behind her for a chair. He was the one who’d called it research. Led her to believe they were indulging in casual sex. Everything he’d done had been done to instruct her so she could write the book. Right?
“How can you not know how I feel about you?” He rose and gripped her upper arms. “Every time I look at you, I see my past, present and future. All I want in the world is wrapped up in you, Jules. I love you. Dammit, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Horrified, Julia broke free of his grasp. “What? What the hell are you talking about?”
Glancing around, she was amazed by how the spacious room suddenly felt stifling, as if it were shrinking. All she could feel was Ross’s gaze burning into her, his words still stinging her ears. She felt hot and dizzy and perilously close to passing out.
He loved her? Yeah, right. Nervous laughter erupted from her lips before she could call it back.
“You think this is funny?” Ross whispered, his face pale, his voice strained. “I bare my heart to you and you think it’s a joke?”
Julia fought to restrain the hysterical laughter bubbling up inside her. Never had she felt so afraid, so confused. Stark terror raced through her veins. She knew she should get herself under control, try to talk to him, but all that came out was uncontrollable laughter, ringing out in cackling peals until she was gasping for breath, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Oh my God. I’m having a breakdown.
What if what he said was true?
What if he did love her?
How could she trust he would never leave her?
Because that was the one thing she could never survive—losing him.
Before she could maintain her composure and try to explain, Ross turned away from her, his tone suddenly devoid of emotion. “I can see I’ve made a mistake. I clearly thought there was more between us and I’ve asked for more than you are capable of giving. Forgive me. Goodbye, Julia.”
With that, he left the cabin. Julia’s feet felt as if they’d been sunk into concrete. She heard the slamming of his car door and the turning over of the engine, but she couldn’t move a muscle.
Small gravel pelted the front door as the car sped away down the mountain and still she stood frozen in place. It felt as if hours had passed before her body gave up its fight to remain upright and she collapsed into a heap upon the floor. Great sobs ripped through her as she replayed their last conversation over and over.
And the one word that continually came back to haunt her…Julia.
