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He looked down at her and all she saw was a man who looked like the Matt who had spent nights in her bed. The Matt who—in just over a week—had been able to glimpse the real her. But this man had so much more distance in his eyes.
* * *
Matt could tell the cogs were spinning in her head. He knew what he was asking of her would be difficult—demanding, even—but it would be best for the child who was possibly his.
He led them out into the crisp evening air. People were milling about and he had to ignore how good it felt to have Hannah with him in his home city. How he had missed this for months. How he had chastised himself for it. He’d never looked back at a fling and wished for more except after he had left Hannah. Now more was upon him and he would never have guessed it would happen like this, without a choice.
Despite her possible manipulations, he was glad to see her, which frustrated the hell out of him. He wouldn’t act on this attraction. Not when he couldn’t trust her. He might have a responsibility to the child and that was all he would focus on.
They reached a dimly lit Italian restaurant and were warmly ushered inside to their own private booth, where they ordered quickly and were left in peace.
There was so much he wanted to talk about and yet so little he could find to say. It seemed to him that Hannah was struggling for words that needed saying. So, they settled for silence until their food arrived.
He filled her glass with water from a carafe left on the table before filling his own and took satisfaction in the fact that Hannah didn’t spare a moment before spearing a raviolo with her fork.
When he saw that she had almost cleared her plate, he finally asked the one question that he had wanted to all day.
‘Why did you wait so long to tell me?’ There was no accusation in his voice, no anger. That had faded somewhat. Maybe she wasn’t trying to trap him in a relationship, given how reluctant she was to accept his terms, but there had to be something she wanted.
‘I didn’t know until the end of my first trimester and then I still couldn’t believe this was happening. I didn’t want to burden you if there was no reason to...’
He clenched his teeth at that. If something had happened to his baby, he would have wanted to know. Would she have kept it a secret?
‘But then I saw the scan and I knew this was real. After that I was scared, I guess, that you would reject us. I mean, we only spent a week together. I didn’t want you to think that I’d manufactured this situation to trap you, given who you are, which is what you think anyway. I couldn’t trust you would just be there. And there was so much on my plate.’
‘Didn’t you think I deserved to know sooner?’ Had anyone? Alex had said he’d tried to convince her to tell him; he had that knowledge at least.
‘I know you did, but Matt, we spent such a short time together. We didn’t plan for this. A baby doesn’t exactly fit your lifestyle. You don’t even want a child. I still don’t understand why you want to be a family!’
He wanted to shout that she should have taken the risk. It wounded him deeply that she hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him. He reminded himself that those feelings were useless now. It wouldn’t turn back the clock so they could do it all over. All that mattered was what they did now.
‘Why wouldn’t I want us to be a family, Hannah? Don’t you think a child deserves that?’
‘Of course I do, but what am I supposed to think when you don’t want a baby?’
‘Where I come from, Hannah, that wouldn’t matter. What’s important is having committed parents, and I plan to provide that if it’s mine.’
‘With your plan,’ she said.
‘Yes. I won’t let you or this child down. I need you to trust me.’
‘I do—’
‘Don’t just say the words.’ He cut her off, not wanting to hear an obvious lie or a placation. ‘If you did, you would have told me about the baby the moment you knew. But it’s okay. I plan on proving to you that you can trust me with this child.’
‘If it’s yours,’ she threw back at him through clenched teeth.
‘Yes.’ He wasn’t taking her at her word but he also never shirked his responsibilities. Growing up, he’d seen the duty that came with being a parent. The immense sacrifices that had to be made. An image of his mother popped into his head—her soft smile. Her life that had revolved around him and his younger sister. They’d been her everything.
You know why. Is that what you want for Hannah?
It wasn’t. He hadn’t wanted that all. Exactly why he had never wanted his own family, and yet here he was.
* * *
Hannah heard his words but she didn’t want to believe them. It was easy to say she could trust him. It didn’t mean anything. Hadn’t she heard those very words before? All that had happened afterwards was her heart breaking in a million pieces. Trust didn’t come easy to her any more and, as much as she wanted to reach out to Matt, to touch him and have him hold her, take care of their child, she couldn’t trust him. She couldn’t trust that he would go from not wanting children to just accepting theirs. No one accepted what they didn’t want. No one.
And this plan of his to be a family... He was never short of female company. Would he give all that up for a family life without love? Of course not. He would get bored; there was no doubt in her mind about that. So would she then have to deal with him seeing other women? Something in her railed at the thought but she had no claim on him.
