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‘You did what?’
‘I want this done before the baby arrives, Hannah. We don’t have time to waste.’
Oh, but this was about so much more than that. ‘I wanted to go back to the house, Matt.’
‘Now you don’t need to. You can deal with everything from here, so you won’t have to be on site until after it’s completed. You have carte blanche.’
Hannah huffed a laugh. Just when she’d thought there would be a way for her to bridge the gap between them, he went and put up another wall. It felt as if they were playing emotional chess. He had a move to cover himself at every turn.
‘The architect will be in touch. She will meet you here.’
How could he go from being so open with her when their bodies were connected to so closed off at any other time? It made those old wounds unstitch. Was it possible that she simply wasn’t enough for Matt? She wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for the baby. Maybe he really didn’t want her, not in any real way. Except he was the one who’d proposed marriage. Though, yet again, for his son’s sake. But what they’d done last night had felt real.
‘Are you doing this just to keep me away? To prevent me from learning anything about you?’ She hadn’t meant to ask the question out loud but the words were swimming in her head. As soon as they were out of her mouth, she wished she could take them back. Yes, she wanted honesty, but this was too honest. It showed him that she wanted to be closer. Allowed him a weapon with which to penetrate her already beaten armour.
But what was so wrong about wanting to get closer to Matt? They’d had something special from the start.
Matt’s face darkened. ‘Are you seriously going accuse me of trying to keep you away? You were the one who kept me away, if you remember. I’m the one trying to build something with you.’
Hannah’s lips pressed into a thin line. ‘I thought we were past that, Matt.’
‘Maybe you were. Do you know what it’s like for me? I’m going to have a son in two months, Hannah! I was raised to know what a family should be, should look like, and yet I didn’t get the chance to know my son as he developed because of you! But, even so, I’m still trying to make a home with you.’
‘Really? Is that what you’re doing? Because to me it seems like you want a mother for your son and a convenient partner on your terms. You shut down every time I want to know more. Aren’t families supposed to have no secrets?’
Hannah shot to her feet and moved behind the chair she’d been sitting on, digging her fingers into the soft back rest. ‘And you’re trying to make a home with me? Matt, you’ve been dictating to me! You know my life is in Melbourne; you have all this wealth and power but, instead of using it to move closer to us, you’ve forced me to make the sacrifice. You keep asking more of me and yet you want to give nothing in return.’
Matt’s eyes were blazing now. ‘Nothing? Are you sure?’
‘Yes! I don’t even know if you trust me!’
‘How can you question that?’ Matt fired at her.
‘How could I not? I asked you about a picture I found in the house you want us to live in and the first thing you did was to shove me aside! You want me to choose you, choose us, but you don’t want me to know you.’
‘Of course, I want you to know me. You’re the only one I want, and it’s driving me insane, because I don’t know if you really want me or are just responding to our chemistry. I don’t know if you will choose us. All I can do is make you see why we would be good together.’
‘If you want that, then be honest with me. Please. Open up to me a little. Let me show you how much I care about you. Stop backing me into corners. I’m not someone you can control! Why do you want to?’
She saw him flinch as if she had struck him. Watched him push off the couch and stalk towards her, his expression grave.
‘I don’t want to control you,’ he said gently. ‘I just want you and our son with me in our home.’
‘Matt...’ She began to protest but then his lips were on hers, his fingers tangling in her hair. ‘Stop trying to distract me,’ she ground out on a cracking voice. ‘Why do you always do this?’
He was still cradling her face, foreheads touching. His breath was kissing her skin. ‘I’m trying to find a way to be the man I should be, and the man I want to be when I’m with you, but they are different men, Hannah.’
‘They don’t have to be.’ She closed her eyes. ‘Don’t hide from me.’ His own words aimed back at him. Hannah knew he would understand what she was asking.
His eyes scrunched tightly together. Their breaths mingled, his lips caressing hers in a feather-light touch.
‘I’m sorry.’ Matt kissed her lightly. ‘It’s all I know,’ he whispered before claiming her. She let herself get lost in his kiss. And his kiss was demanding. It demanded that all her attention focus on his tongue coaxing hers, his insistent lips. On his hands holding the side of her face. It demanded that she let everything else go, be with him in this moment, so she did.
* * *
In the weeks that followed, Hannah and Matt seemed to find a pattern that worked for them. He worked from home as much as he could while Hannah focussed on the house. Her days were taken up with constant meetings, emails and calls with the architect and interior designer. She would trawl through hundreds of websites, finding things she wanted to incorporate into the house that she was determined to make a home which showed their personalities. More especially, one that showed Matt’s warmth. Even now, when she thought about it, she hated the idea of him in that cold house.
It was hard for Hannah not to get swept away. Especially when they came together every single night, losing themselves in their mad passion.
