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‘He wasn’t gifted at all really, but he was exceptionally entitled and lazy. He only asked me out after news of the attention I was getting from companies got out. He saw an opportunity. It was clear my career trajectory would surpass his, and here was an easy way to get what he wanted without having to work for it. That job he pushed me to take was purely because he liked the money on offer. I didn’t want to accept it when there was an offer from my dream employer on the table. All I asked for was his affection and I thought I had it. I was wrong.’
She could hear how Matt’s breathing changed. Feel the anger radiating off him. Having this reaction made her throat feel less dry. It was as though this story was losing power over her because she was telling Matt.
‘He made me feel special at first but, over time, bit by bit he broke me down and I didn’t really notice until after. He made me feel like I was nothing without him. Told me I wasn’t the type of person he normally dated so I would be grateful to him. Told me no man would ever want a “useless” woman who couldn’t bear children so I was lucky to have him. And I believed it all. Caved to his every demand because I wanted to make him happy. I was an idiot, wasn’t I?’
Hannah laughed humourlessly, realising just how little she’d asked of Travis and how much he’d taken from her. How little she’d asked of anyone after him because she refused to trust. She wasn’t naïve any more.
‘No, you weren’t,’ Matt said forcefully.
‘It was Emma who showed me exactly how badly I’d been treated when I was finally ready to see clearly. After Travis, I gave up on the whole idea of a relationship. It was so much easier to just have flings. No commitment meant no one would get hurt.’
‘You wouldn’t get hurt,’ Matt stated, kissing her temple. Hannah felt the tremble, from his lips to his arms to his voice. She had never seen fury in Matt and was slightly afraid to look now. So she didn’t, she just kept talking.
‘Yes,’ Hannah whispered. ‘I changed who I was. Became more outgoing, bubbly. I always had a ready smile and a thick skin. People liked that, and it felt safe, because they couldn’t see me and that was the most important thing. It was exactly as you said—it was my armour.’
‘But it’s exhausting.’
‘It is,’ she agreed. It had been, always having to remember to keep that persona perfectly in place, never to show when she’d felt something real. When she’d been tired. It was draining.
Then she’d met a man who shone like the sun with gorgeous green eyes and everything had changed. ‘You saw me,’ she said softly, mostly to herself, but she knew he had heard her when he forced her to look at him.
His eyes were dark, nostrils flaring, a tick going in his jaw, and even though he still held her Matt’s hands kept curling in and out of a fist. His anger was savage. If Travis had magically apparated out of thin air, there was no denying that Matt would have ripped him apart.
‘I’m sorry you went through that. You deserved so much better.’
‘Yes, I did.’
Hannah looked at Matt then. Really looked at him. At how he was furious at the treatment of her, as if he was ready to fight the world to protect her. She recognised that his every atom of attention was all focussed on her. That love, that she was so afraid of feeling for him, burgeoned into something so consuming it was scorching her from the inside out, wiping out the existence of everything else.
She hooked her hand at his nape, pulling him to her, sucking his lips between hers and hearing his gasp which made sparks fly in her belly. Pressing herself against Matt or pulling him closer—she wasn’t sure which she was doing—Hannah licked his lips, seeking permission, which he granted with tightening arms. Her tongue brushed against his, sweetly at first, but the jolt of current that passed through them made her ravenous for more and Matt obliged, offering more of himself to her. She was melting. Growing more aroused with every strangled, choked sound he made. They had to stop, or she would want him right now, outside, in full view of the world.
She pulled away first, but Matt pressed a kiss to her forehead, letting her rest there against his lips.
‘I have never told anyone that whole story, but I told you, Matt. I trust you. I just hope you know you can trust me.’ It was an opening for Matt to talk to her. She’d proved she could expose herself to him and he could do the same.
‘I do trust you.’ There was hesitancy in his voice. Hannah studied his face, seeing the openness that had been there a moment ago disappearing. He wasn’t going to say a damned thing. She’d bared the deepest wound inflicted upon her soul and still he couldn’t take that next step.
Hannah felt a fool. Why did she think this was a good idea? Just because she was in love with him didn’t mean that he loved her.
Fool. Fool. Fool.
She swung her legs off him, awkwardly getting to her feet.
‘Hannah, wait...’ Matt called after her, but she was already at the glass door.
‘Goodnight, Matt.’
Hannah rushed to her bedroom and closed the door. That was where she stayed.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
AFTER HAVING HAD Hannah in his bed every night, the sheets felt cold without her in them. She had shut Matt out and now he was lying in his darkened room, staring at a pitch-black ceiling.
Though he was utterly still, inside he was trembling. His skin felt too tight, too hot. His breathing hadn’t evened out at all and, despite being in his cool, comfortable bedroom, he kept rubbing his knuckles as if he could punch something.
Fury still roiled through him.
The idea that anyone could treat Hannah so vilely made him ache for violence. Which was surprising, because violent was not how he would ever have described himself. Not even during all the years he’d played rugby and sometimes tempers had run high. He had been the guy who’d defused a situation. Not now. Now he wanted some sort of retribution for what Hannah had gone through. Matt wanted to find the guy and make him pay in some way. He could—it would be easy.
