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I fuck her more vigorously, and she begins to make the noises that mean she is getting close. I have not told her she can come, but she is near it.
It is evil of me to test her when I am so near to losing control myself. But I also have the feeling that though she has asked me to take control, in some way, it is a farce. She is the one who lured me into the water and who told me the position to fuck her. She does not let go of an iota of control. Only pretends.
So I say, “I do not give you permission to come,” as I continue to fuck her, near the absolute brink, and wait to see what she will do.
At first, I am filled with pride when she stops making noises. I fuck her with abandon, ready to drop my hand back to her cunt and bring us both to a screaming finish.
Right as my gush begins to spurt from my shaft and my hand slides from her waist to her sex so that I might bring her with me—
I encounter her hand there, working furiously at her own sex.
I roar as the last of my gush spills inside her tight cunt and pull out as soon as I am able. Then I lasso an arm around her waist and swim back towards the riverbank. Fast.
She yelps in surprise as I spin her body, flipping her over my shoulder as I walk out of the river.
“Wait, Kharon,” she says in a rush. “I’m sorry! I can explain!”
I do not listen. I’m not mad, exactly. But also, I will not be made a fool of. And I will not continue this bizarre game of control with her. I would not have minded her touching herself if it was the terms we had agreed to beforehand. But why tell me one thing and then sneakily do another?
Carefully I bring her from my shoulder and lay her on the sun-soaked grass.
“Is it because you wanted another punishment?” I ask, my brow furrowed.
She stares at the grass, plucking a blade and playing with it. “No. I mean”—her eyes peek up briefly towards my face—“I wouldn’t mind that.”
“Then why,” I demand. “Why ask for one thing then deceptively do another?”
“I don’t know!” she says, shredding the blade of grass. “I want to not be in control. For fucking once. I crave it. But it—” She cuts herself off.
“What? But it, what?”
“It terrifies me,” she finally admits. “Trusting anyone that much. To truly give control over. And there’s still so much we—” Again, maddeningly, she stops her own speech.
“What?” I demand again. “So much we, what?”
“So much we don’t know about each other.” Then she amends, “So much you don’t know about me.”
“Then tell me.” I sit down on the grass beside her, and her eyes flash my way and then back at the grass.
“I can’t,” she says.
“Why?”
“I don’t know how.”
I nod, coming to a decision. “Then we will do two things at the same time. I will punish you until you tell me.”
“Wait.” Her voice jumps an octave. “What?”
“You heard me,” I say darkly.
I watch her swallow, and then, ever so slowly, she nods. “Okay.” Her voice is small.
“You will finally trust me. With everything.”
I see her begin to shake, but she nods. I hate she has any fear with me. Soon, though, I will turn it into pleasure.
“Lay back.”
She hesitates a moment, then she does. She bites her lips, closes her eyes, then whispers, “Please take my fear. Take control. I want you to have everything.”
Naked on the soft, green grass, she is absolutely beautiful. This sun will never burn her skin, so I know I can take my time. I will take as long as I need until she gives up every fear, every secret, every shadow to me.
Chapter Twenty-Two
KSENIA
As soon as I feel his hands clamp down on my wrists and thighs to hold me in place, completely exposed to him, I feel a single moment of fear—
And then it all dissolves in the freedom of knowing this is what it truly means to abandon control. Not holding onto a secret part for myself to exercise when he can’t see. I’m embarrassed by what I did in the river. I didn’t mean to do it. But then I thought, well, would it really be so bad if I just reached down and touched myself if he was going to selfishly take his own pleasure without seeing to mine? Because I didn’t trust him.
And now I’m spread out again like a sacrifice before him, not knowing what will come next.
“You will not come,” he says. “Until you tell me your secrets.”
A little squeaking noise comes from my throat. And a foolish, rebellious part inside me howls, fine, I don’t need to come that bad anyway. It’s not like I’m some sex fiend.
