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I tilt my head at her. “There’s no such thing.”
She frowns. “There has to be.”
“I have fought many wars with many commanders who were excellent tacticians. Including Napoleon. There are no perfect plans.”
She frowns and lifts up from her crouch, dropping the ashy stick to the floor. “That’s why I bring the explosives along. There’s always a plan B.”
She stands up, and so I do too, which she notices, eyes narrowing.
“I’m going to go for a walk.”
I frown. “Where?”
She walks towards the pack and grabs the flashlight from the floor. She gestures towards the dark part of the church. “Around. I need some space.”
My chest tightens. “Don’t go far.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” she snaps. “You don’t fucking own me.”
“Of course I do not own you.” Her words confuse me, and she sighs, running a hand down her face.
“I’m sorry I’m being snippy. I just need some space. I’m never around people so much. Even if it’s just one other person.”
“But it is not safe,” I continue, anxious. “The church is old and half buried in a landslide. The walls are unstable.”
“Oh.” I see her blink in the firelight, then she switches on the flashlight. “I’ll be careful. Don’t worry about me.”
I can only stare at her. I will worry about her for the rest of my existence. She is all I will think about.
She gestures with the flashlight. “I won’t feel like I’m alone if you’re watching me the whole time.”
I nod, releasing a heavy breath, then turn my back to her. I will try to honor her wishes. Even though there is an entire castle to roam, I know the feeling of not being able to escape my brothers in my desire for what she calls alone time.
I crouch by the pack to see what I can gather for a meal. And try not to listen to each of her footsteps crunching on the stone floor, even though I know that I am. Even that feels invasive, so I start to lightly whistle to cover it up and give her the privacy she deserves. I have had privacy while she sleeps and I lay awake, but she has had none.
I do not like alone time apart from her because it reminds me that this time with her will soon come to an end, and I’ll be alone again. I, who thought not so long ago that to be alone was all I wanted. It was like the gods heard my thoughts and then decided to mock me.
Without meaning to, the tune I’m whistling turns into a lament. If I was a miserable bastard before, I’ll be insufferable to live with now. After I help her with the revenge plot. . . what then? My mind tries to work it out. Could I somehow stay with her? Haunting the shadows of her life, never able to live out in the open with her? Would that be anything she would even want?
Immediately my mind rejects the possibility. No one has ever wanted me except for her. But wanting me in this place, when there is no one else, and she needed comfort, is one thing. Back in the world, she’s a beautiful, exceptional woman. . . No, it is foolish of me even to dream it. I am a monster, and a monster I will always be. A name does not change the fact that I was born a thing.
My hands move automatically, filling a pot with snow, when Ksenia suddenly screams from behind me.
My heart drops to the floor as I spin and look, not seeing the light of her flashlight anywhere. “Ksenia!” I shout her name and sprint toward where I heard her cry.
Chapter Twenty-Six
KSENIA
I stand, my flashlight frozen and pointed at a pile of—
“Ksenia!” I hear Kharon shout from the other room but don’t move. Can’t quite move. This was here the whole time? Oh my god.
I was just exploring the church and went to the altar area to look at all the ancient-looking iconography. Then I glimpsed this little room off to the side. I remembered what Kharon said, but it looked stable enough.
So I stepped through, and that’s when I saw the mountain of bodies in the corner. They’re just bones in clothing so old and moth-eaten, it barely holds together anymore, but there are at least thirty of them, maybe more. My hand flies to my mouth, and I stand like a statue, unable to move.
“Ksenia.” Kharon finds me and drags me out of the little room. I immediately fight against his grip, swinging around right as he pulls me back into the central church.
“What the fuck is that?” I cry, jerking out of his grip and turning my flashlight on him.
He shies his face away from the light.
“Tell me!” Then I remember what he said about a landslide. “Did they die in the landslide?”
