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“But only for me,” he snarls, moving close as though he’s going to kiss me. Then he stops and takes a big step back, his hands shaking. “You’ve got no idea how difficult it is not to touch you.”
I do have an idea, though. We’ve made love several times since that first night, at his place, even in his car, because we couldn’t wait to get home. He always loses it. He treats me like I’m the hottest woman alive. Then after, I lie in his arms. Once, he recited some sonnets, the words heating me up all over again.
“I don’t like it, Ellie,” he says, sighing darkly. “Knowing that any day, your mom could tell us to stop. Then I’d be coming between a daughter and her mother.”
“That would be her choice,” I whisper. “I know it sounds bad, but we’re not hurting her by being together. I think it’s Jane, honestly.”
Max’s shoulders sag. He drops his head. He grits his teeth, then lets out a breath. “I’m always going to live in the shadow of that, aren’t I? No matter how obvious it might seem, without proof, there’s always that thought in people’s heads. Did he do it? Would he do it? Then, if I get angry, it’s a sign—evidence. It’s bull crap.”
“Hey, I’ve got you saying bull crap now,” I say, trying for a lighter tone.
He meets my eye and forces a smile. “I’m being morbid.”
“It’s a lot. I get that.” I step forward and touch his hand, just the fingertips, because otherwise, we’ll both get carried away. “She’ll come around. Maybe when Aunt Jane finally decides to show her face. See you later?”
We’re going to his place after my last class. Mom knows I’m spending a lot of time elsewhere. She knows who I’m with, but it’s become this unacknowledged, ignored thing.
He smiles, then does the cute thing he’s started. He holds his hand out, then grabs his wrist and pulls it back like he’s stopping himself from touching me. It’s hella goofy and makes us both laugh so much we don’t even care.
As I leave the lecture hall, I make sure my expression isn’t too happy or upbeat. I don’t want to seem like I’ve got too much to smile about. I need to keep this relationship buried for now so nobody guesses and gets the school involved, complicating things even more.
“Hey, Ellie.”
I turn at the voice. This side of the hall is empty. Most people use the central entrance, but I like to walk this way, beneath the trees. It’s the same path Max and I took the night we came here—the night everything changed.
It’s Chloe. She looks more jittery than the last time I saw her. Her hair is messy, and she has dark bags under her eyes. I walk over to her quickly, putting my hand on her shoulder. “Chloe, jeez. Are you okay? I didn’t think you were in today.”
“Something weird happened,” she says. “I had a bad reaction to my meds. They still don’t know why. It made me sick and sent me into a panic spiral. It was horrible.”
“It sounds it.”
“Then something really weird happened. I was at the chemist, you know, sorting my meds. When I was leaving, these people approached me. They tell me they will help me get what I want and make me feel better, but first, I have to help them.”
I swallow. “What people, Chloe?”
“A woman called Jane and a douche called Cillian. Here’s the thing. I went along with it for a little while. Just long enough to work out what was going on. It’s like opening a new book, peeling back the pages, devouring the plot. Get it?”
I give her arm a comforting squeeze. She seems really on edge. “Yeah, I get it.”
“So I played their game. They said they were going to get me some meds for free. Whatever, I think they were both on something. Then they said I need to lure you out to the parking lot today after class. They said they’ll get me the meds if I lure you out there, like I’d ever do that.”
“Why do they want to lure me out there?” I ask.
Chloe bites down and shakes her head. “I don’t know, but I don’t think it’s good. I heard them talking. Cillian is working with some drug pushers on the West Coast. Jane is his accomplice. Or maybe she’s in charge. It’s hard to tell. They talk to each other real, real mean.”
“I knew they were working together,” I whisper, struggling to stay calm when all I want to do is scream. “That’s why Aunt Jane is—”
“Aunt Jane?” Chloe says.
“Yeah, I know. It’s messed up.” I think about what Max said about them needing help. “Will you come with me, Chloe? We need to tell Max about this.”
