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Chapter
Thirteen
The longer David stared at her, the more he fucking hated himself. He should have demanded that she leave because, truth was, he didn’t want her seeing him like this.
He was unhinged, and for as long as he’d been in her life, he’d made sure to keep his composure. That’s why he went off and fought because showing any kind of weakness or emotion in front of her wasn’t what he wanted to do.
“I know you’d never let anyone hurt me, David, but I’m worried about you, about what’s going on.”
Her voice was so soft, so feminine. He was so fucking in love with her, but he couldn’t even be himself around her.
It was a damn tragedy that he couldn’t be with the woman he loved.
“I’d die before I let what happened all those years ago repeat itself.” God forbid if anyone even tried to touch her because their fate would be the same as when he fucked up Brian. David knew a day didn’t go by that the motherfucker didn’t think about the mistake he made seven years ago. That’s exactly what David wanted, too.
“Talk to me,” she said and moved another step closer. All he’d wanted was to make her his, to show her that she was meant to be with him. The stalking—which he could admit was what he did with her—wasn’t because he was a fucking psycho but because he worried about her.
She’ll never see it like that.
“Just let me in. You know you can trust me.” She moved another step closer, her hands slightly out as if she were trying to corral a wounded animal.
I am a fucking animal of the worst kind.
The wall he had built around himself to protect her cracked as he stared into her eyes. “If I let you in, you’d run, Gillian.” He shouldn’t have said anything, especially when he saw her eyes widen after he spoke. But he had to be honest with her. “You’d be so fucking frightened of me, and I can’t allow that.”
She swallowed, and he watched her throat work at the act. “You didn’t seem to care if I was afraid when you came out of the blue and hit Gerald.”
He clenched his jaw. “I don’t want to scare you. That’s the last thing I want to do, and why I want you to leave. I’m not in a good place right now.”
She just shook her head slowly. “I don’t want to leave you here like this, David. I don’t want to leave at all. I want you to talk to me about what in the hell happened with you and Gerald—”
“Don’t say his name, Gillian. Hearing that motherfucker’s name doesn’t do anything but drag me right back there.” He was getting pissed at just thinking of that fucker touching her, kissing her…being with her in ways David would never be.
“David,” she whispered his name, and his gut clenched. He closed his eyes, trying to rein in his emotions. He needed to do right by her, to make her see that no matter what, she didn’t have to worry about him or, hell, his sanity.
“I’d kill anyone who thought they could touch you, hurt you.” He opened his eyes. “That won’t ever go away. I’ve always felt that way since I walked in on Brian attacking you.”
“David, you don’t have to revolve your life around me. You don’t have to worry if I’ll get myself into another mess.”
“It wasn’t your fucking fault what happened with that prick.” His voice louder, deeper, his rage right at the surface with memories of that night flashing in his mind.
She took a step back, her eyes still wide. He’d never raised his voice at her, and aside from her seeing him break apart when he was beating Brian, he’d made sure to always keep his composure in place.
“Fuck, I’m sorry, Gillian.” He moved closer to her, but she moved back. He could see she wasn’t afraid of him, but she was unsure about this situation. He scrubbed a hand over his face, feeling like he was literally about to tear right through his skin.
“Why can’t you open up to me?”
He dropped his hand to his side and saw the pained expression on her face.
“You’re the closest person to me, David. The one I trust with anything. I hoped you felt the same.”
I do.
“But if you want me to go, I’ll go.” But she still stood there for several seconds, not moving, her attention on him. He didn’t speak, didn’t know what the fuck to say. Telling her the truth was harder than he fucking knew it should be.
Explaining that, for years, he’d been following her wasn’t exactly something that would bring them closer together. But he had to tell her something, to give her that peace of mind that he cared about her, trusted her, and was here because of her.
