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He hadn’t used a condom. Even as he’d shoved her against the door, she’d known he wasn’t thinking and she’d done nothing to stop him. Now she wondered if he’d done it out of spite, so he could leave her pregnant and alone.
Joke was on him since she was on birth control. A part of her wished she wasn’t, wished she could hope to keep a piece of him with her always. She was so desperate and it was pathetic, but she couldn’t help it.
“You okay?”
She started at the sound of Zach’s voice. She’d known he would show up but not that he was already here. “How did you… Kenz told you about the ceiling.”
Zach had the saddest look on his face as he stood in the doorway that separated the living space from the bedroom she’d shared with Dare. “I thought it was better than coming through the door. Now answer me. Are you all right, Tash? Anything he said to you… He doesn’t understand the kind of work you do. You don’t have anything to be ashamed of.”
“I don’t know about that.” She felt infinitely tired now that it was over. She walked to the couch and sat down. Only nights before she’d lain on it with her head in Dare’s lap as they’d watched a movie, and then he’d picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. All of the adrenaline of the day was gone, and she was sad. “I could have been honest with him.”
Zach sank down beside her on the other end of the couch, a careful distance between them. “I would point out all the ways that would have been a bad idea, but I suspect you won’t listen to me. You should know that I support everything you did. When we’re standing in front of Drake and the big bosses, we’ll present a united front.”
She didn’t even want to think about that upcoming torture. She was sure Chet had already filed a report on all the ways she’d fucked up. “I don’t know. I’ve started to wonder if I’m right for this job.”
“You’re wondering if you can make things better between the two of you if you give up everything for him. You love your job. You believe in it. If the only way to be with him is to give up who you are, then he’s not as good for you as I thought.”
She’d considered this very subject as they’d driven back to the hotel. Dare had a career, too. “Wouldn’t I be asking him to give up who he is if he moved to Dallas?”
“Who is he right now?” Zach asked. “He’s under his father’s thumb. The situations aren’t the same, Tash. You love your job. He hates his. He doesn’t have a big group of friends and family around him. He could. He could have your family. Don’t think I didn’t see how Ian took him under his demonic wing.”
It was a joke in her family. Aunt Chelsea still called her dad Satan from time to time. “I don’t think Dare’s going to let himself love me, much less my family. I think he’s going to bury himself in dealing with his siblings. You don’t think being willing to move to Toronto would sway him to at least talk to me?”
She knew she was fooling herself. Dare might not have verbally said good-bye, but his body had. He’d given her everything in those final moments, and after, they’d been like zombies, all emotion spent. They’d moved with only the need to get through it.
“Darlin’, if he can walk away from you, he doesn’t deserve you.” Zach’s voice had gone low. “I know you don’t want to hear that and especially from me, but it’s the truth. I have no idea how he walked away. You lied to him, but you had a reason, and if he loved you, he would find a way to stay. He would spank you and you would be tied up at The Hideout for much of the next couple of months, but he wouldn’t be able to walk away. Tell me something. Is there anything he could do that would make you leave him?”
There were plenty of things, but none that Dare would actually be capable of. “No. I would fight it out with him.”
“I can go get him. I can knock some sense into him.”
She had to deal with the Zach revelation. It appeared she wouldn’t be leaving her job anytime soon. After all, it was all she had. She turned to him. “Zach…”
He held up a hand, his deep brown eyes trained on her. He really was a heartbreakingly beautiful man. If only she felt the same spark for him, her life might be easier. “We don’t have to talk about it. I know it’s never going to happen. I’ve had over a year, and you’ve never once looked at me the way you do Dare. Hell, you don’t look at me the way you do Chet.” He grimaced. “I don’t regret that, Tash. I knew he didn’t deserve you.”
