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“That’s not a fucking excuse.” He slumps back down on the bed and hides his face beneath his forearm, his chest rising and falling heavily between strained breaths.
“Does that happen often?”
He exhales. “I’m okay.”
“That’s not what I asked. Could you look at me?” He slowly lowers his arm, brows pinched, anguish dripping from his gaze. I feel every ounce of it.
“Yeah, it happens more often than I’d like. This isn’t your problem to deal with, okay? I shouldn’t have let you spend the night.”
“It’s not your fault.” I place a hand on his knee, scooting closer. “And maybe you’re right, it isn’t my problem, but you said we’re friends and friends help each other through hard times. You clearly need someone. I can be that someone, Jax.”
He covers his face again, but I pull his arm away, and he doesn’t resist. I lower my lips and leave a kiss on his cheek. “Let me be that person for you.”
He flexes his jaw and shutters his eyes without another word. Laying beside him, I stroke his hair. And though he doesn’t say it, I feel the acceptance in his body as he sags against me, his head tucked on my shoulder.
“You’ve been my someone for a while now, and I don’t know what I’ll do when that stops.”
“Why does it have to stop?” My question hangs around us like a dark cloud and it takes him a while to respond.
“You’re safer without me.”
My throat goes dry. “But we—”
“I can’t Lexi, I can’t.” His voice is thick with emotion, shooting straight to my heart. I wanted to ask him to give us a try, but he’s not willing to even consider it.
My eyes burn and I bite my lip to stop the tears from breaking like a tidal wave, free and unrestrained. We may be temporary, but my feelings for him are anything but fleeting, and instead of running, I hold him tighter.
* * *
JAX
I rub the sleep away from my face. I must’ve dozed off in her arms after the nightmare. Today has been the definition of lazy Sunday. I haven’t slept this much in years.
I feel the space next to me but find it empty.Where is she?My pulse wakes up before I do, racing rapidly. I jolt upright, looking around for her things, until I realize they’re all gone.
Fuck!She must’ve left because I hurt her. I don’t blame her at all, she should be scared. I’m a head case, no one should be with me.
Who knows which one of my nightmares I was having when I grabbed her. When the darkness hits, I can’t control what comes crashing in. I don’t remember having any other episodes after that. I’d know because I always eventually wake up sweaty and with a racing heart.
I pull myself out of bed, still naked, and grab a shirt and boxers from the drawer, putting them on. I stumble over to the bathroom, adjacent to my room, and as I brush my teeth, I hear humming from downstairs.Is she still here?Hope and anticipation entangles in my veins. I quickly rinse my mouth and head down the wooden stairs of my two-story home.
Once I hit the living room, the humming gets closer. I round the corner toward the kitchen and find her there. Her back is to me, and I take the opportunity to watch her thong ride up her ass while she sways her hips in slow, sensual circles. I flex my jaw as my cock comes back to life.Fuck, I need her again.
A pot of water boils on the stove and a cutting board is beside her with garlic and lots of veggies. She places a pan on the stove and empties the contents of the cutting board into it. The oil sizzles and she moves back, continuing to dance, ear buds hanging off her ears.
My chest stiffens, not from fear but from want. Her using my things, making herself at home, it does something to me, something I have no name for.
She turns toward the sink in the middle island and her eyes widen as she catches me. She yanks the earbuds off and clutches her chest.
“I was just making lunch. I—wow you scared me.”
“Sorry, babe.” My voice drops low. “Turn off the stove.”
“But…” She must see something in my eyes because she stops questioning me and does what I asked.
I make my way to her, my safe harbor after a wild storm, my undoing. But no matter how right she feels in my life, I can’t make her mine. I can’t risk bringing my brand of shit to her door. I’m poison, tainted by death, and if I give her my heart, she’ll be tainted too. And there’s no way I’d survive losing another person.
I reach out my hand for hers. “Care for a dance, my lady?”
