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Lexi: I miss him and I hate him at the same time. He told me I meant nothing to him, that he had sex with someone else last night before he came to see me. I don’t know what to believe. I just want to grab him and shake the truth out of him.
Lilah: He said that? OMG. I’m going to kill him.
Lexi: I’d stand and watch. I’m that angry and hurt.
Lilah: I’m sorry.
Lexi: I’m afraid of turning into the sad girl I was after Aiden.
Lilah: I won’t let you become her. You’re not alone. It’ll take time to heal but you will, I promise. But for right now, feel everything—every beautiful memory, all of the what could’ve beens, every bit of hurt, and then bury it all forever.
Lexi: And what if it won’t stay buried?
Lilah: Then we can get a voodoo doll of Jax and give him awful diarrhea every day.
Lexi: Oooh, I like the sound of that. And maybe erectile dysfunction.
Lilah: See, now you’re thinking!
I laugh, swallowing back tears.
Lilah: See you at work tomorrow?
Lexi: I’ll be there. Thank you.
Lilah: Always.
I drop my phone back on the bed and close my eyes. Yet as sleep beckons to me so does his voice, distant yet close. And as I drift off to sleep, I keep the memories of us alive in my dreams.
* * *
JAX
“Why the fuck are you guys looking at me like that?” I lean back against the sofa in Damian’s office and split my glare between him and Gabe. “You two wanted me to break up with her, so I did. You guys should be high fiving me instead.” I cross my arms. “Can I go or you two fuckers wanna braid each other’s hair now?” My anger has teeth, so they really don’t want to mess with me today. After I left Lexi’s, I hit up my twenty-four-hour gym and lifted so much my entire body feels like it’s been to hell, just the way I wanted it.
“Did you have to tell her you fucked someone else?” Damian asks, anger spilling from his barely controlled voice. “We all left together. You didn’t fuck anyone.”
“How the hell do you know about that?”
“Lilah told me.”
I grit my teeth. “I don’t have to explain shit to either one of you.”
“Yeah, maybe you don’t, but do you ever think about anyone but yourself?” Damian barks out. “It wasn’t enough to tell her she meant nothing to you, asshole?” My heart sinks, swallowed up by the nerves churning in my stomach. But my cruelty had a purpose, at least that’s what I want to believe. I wanted her love for me to be replaced by hatred.
“Yeah, Lilah told meeverything,” Damian continues. “This is a fucking mess. She’s hurt bad andyoudid that. You didn’t have to say any of that shit.”
I clench my jaw and ball my fists until my bones crack. “I did what I had to do.” He has no damn right to tell me I handled it wrong. I don’t need any more reminders of how much I hurt her. That’s all I’ve thought about. I picked up the phone twice after I left the gym, wanting to lay my soul bare, but lies are necessary when the truth is too difficult to endure.
I dig my fingers into my brow, trying to release the tension stirring in my head. They have no fucking idea what I’m going through. They don’t know how much this is tearing me up inside.
One day, when she’s moved on, married to some prick who gives her everything she deserves, I’ll be nothing but a long, forgotten memory, but to me, she’ll always be a dream I couldn’t quite hold on to. I’m okay with that, I have to force myself to be. Her eventual happiness matters more to me than my perpetual doom.
I get up, no longer wanting to hear any more bullshit. Crossing the room, I open the door, hoping to finally escape back to my office.
“Jax,” Gabe calls.
“What, man?” I look back at him. “What else you guys want from me?”
