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He shoots up, eyes wide. “He just what, huh?! Beats you a little, chokes you. No big deal, right? Fuck!” He paces back and forth, chest heaving with fury. “Whatever it is you can’t tell me shouldn’t keep you with him. Because believe me, death is far worse than whatever it is you’re afraid of. And if you think he won’t kill you, then you’re fooling yourself!”
I bury my face in my hands. The ache in my chest feels as though a swarm of bees are attacking my insides. I know he’s right, but I can’t tell him that.
“I gotta go take a walk. Stay here as long as you want,” he says. “Call me if you need anything.” He walks out the door without a second glance.
As soon as he’s gone, I ball on the floor and cry.
* * *
After all my tears run dry, I send a text thanking him for everything and tell him I returned to my apartment. Then I erase it in case Ash looks through my phone. I wait for Damian to reply, but it never comes. I long to tell him everything, to trust that it’d somehow work out, but trust isn’t something I could count on, not in my life. Maybe he’ll come around and talk to me again. I really hope so because I can’t imagine not being close to him anymore.
I jump in the shower instead of dwelling on the pain. It’s nice to finally wash off the grime of last night. I scrub vigorously; my skin turns numb. Damian’s right, I can’t stay with Ash, but I don’t have a way out. I’m stuck in every sense of the word.
I dry myself off and head to my bedroom. As I open the dresser drawer, I take in a sharp breath when I see the bruising on my neck in the mirror. It’s worse than I could’ve imagined. I can make out his handprint. My lip trembles as I trace the angry, red mark.
I hate him. How could he do this to me? How!Is there a limit to my suffering before I give up and die at my own hands, or do I just let him kill me? I clench my hair in tight fists and let out a scream.
I think about killing myself a lot. It’s always worse after a beating, even worse after the cruel words he flings at me, telling me how worthless I am. He says I should be thankful someone likehimwants me, that with the amount of money he makes, I should be kissing his ass instead of being an ungrateful bitch. According to him, I’m nothing more than an idiot who couldn’t even get a good job with a big firm. He constantly reminds me that no man will ever want me beyond just a quick fuck.That’s all you are Lilah, pretty face and a good piece of ass. There’s nothing else they’d want from you.
I rub my face, needing to erase those memories. I have to figure out how to disguise this mark at work. The warm weather makes it difficult to hide my bruises. He’s usually more careful than this though, hitting me in places I can easily conceal. He’s choked me before but never this bad. He’s getting worse. I’ll have to wear a turtleneck tomorrow. I’m too afraid it’ll show through makeup. I think I have a short-sleeved one somewhere.
Just then, my cell phone vibrates with a text. I hurriedly pick it up, hoping it’s Damian, but it’s not. I glare at the phone. Angry flames spark to life within me as I see who the message is from.
Ash:Hey babe, did you get the flowers I sent?
Lilah: Do you think pretty flowers are going to erase what you did, you piece of shit! How could you hurt me so badly when you claim you love me?
Ash: I don’t want to discuss this by text. I’ll call you.
Lilah: Don’t waste your time, I won’t answer. Just be a man and let me go without any of your threats of blackmail.
Ash: I can’t do that. I love you. You’re mine and you’ll stay that way. Maybe I should’ve reacted better, but you know I don’t tolerate your flirting. You can take the week to cool off, but after that, Lilah, I don’t want to hear shit about last night.
Lilah: You mean reacted better than choking me half to death?! Yeah, might’ve been a wise decision. I wasn’t flirting with anyone. You’re the one with the problem.
Ash: Bye Lilah. See you Saturday. Love you.
I grab a pillow from the bed and scream.
* * *
Monday rolls around and I still haven’t heard from Damian. I don’t think he came home last night. How’s it possible to miss someone you never really had? But my heart seems to beat to lyrics only he knows. I know because not seeing him or hearing his voice has caused it to shrivel up and die.
I don’t feel just mere attraction for him, it’s something much deeper. It’s as though I’ve known him all my life. Whenever he touches or holds me, his arms don't feel like that of a stranger. Maybe some people are just meant to find each other. Their souls just reach out for one another and grab on, refusing to let go.
I arrive to work ten minutes early wishing I didn’t have to be here today. Lexi’s already here and follows me into my office, making herself comfortable on my desk while I sit down. “Hey, Lex.”
She squints. “Okay, what’s wrong? You look terrible. And I mean that in the most loving of ways.”
I don’t know how much to tell her. I hate involving people in my drama. “I kind of haven’t told you but remember the guy who sent the drinks?”
“Yeah…” She nods slowly.
“He’s my new neighbor…right across the hall.”
She jumps off the desk. “What? How’s that even possible? Oh my God! How have you been keeping this from me?”
“He only moved in this past Saturday.”
