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I decide to take a shower in hopes it helps me pass the time. I need to see her, to feel her heartbeat, to know she’s okay.
I enter the bathroom, turning the dial, releasing the hot water as the steam fights its way out, wafting everywhere. Stepping out of my black sweats and white T-shirt, I open the glass door and welcome the slicing of heat against my back.
As I close my eyes, I’m bombarded with images of her. The water does nothing to calm me. It’s the opposite. All I see is her, hurt and alone. It’s as though someone is snapping polaroids and gluing them inside my head. I fist my hands across the brown, ceramic tile as my mind is torn apart. I bang my forehead against the wall to clear my mind, but I keep drowning in morbid thoughts.
I pour the shampoo into my palm and scrub my scalp until it’s sore.Where are you, baby?I have to tell her how I feel, tell her I’m falling in love with her. That feeling, it’s been there for a few days now, but I’ve wanted to wait to tell her, wait until we’re together. But now with everything going on, I can’t wait anymore.
I finish scrubbing my body and turn off the water. Towel wrapped around my hips, I walk back to my bedroom to get some clothes. The small, white bedside lamp provides the only light as I get dressed. I look around for my cell before remembering I left it in the kitchen. Hoping not to miss her call, I rush to retrieve it.
I enter the passcode into the keypad and the phone finally unlocks. I blink hard at the three missed calls and numerous texts from Logan and the guys. The room spins as I read the first message.
Logan: She’s hurt. It’s bad, Damian, really bad. I’m sorry, man, so damn sorry. I got to her too late. I’m with her in the ambulance and we’re going to Montclair Hospital. I called Gabe and Jax when you didn’t answer and told them what happened. They’re on their way to pick you up. The bastard ran off as soon as he had the chance, but I didn’t want to leave her and go after him. She needed medical attention ASAP. The police are looking for him. I’ll be out searching too as soon as you get here.
My heart pounds heavily, like it’s being detonated from within. I grip the counter, forcing air into my lungs but they won’t work. My chest is heavy with suffocation, as though a weight is pressing into my throat. I need to go to her, but I can’t seem to move, reading his words over and over until my eyes bleed, wishing this was just a nightmare.
It’s my fault! “Fuck!” My clenched fist rams into the counter as my knuckles bleed. There’s a distant pain in my hand but I ignore it. I grab my phone and keys, rushing out of my apartment not bothering with waiting for the elevator, taking the four flights down the stairs like a mad man. Once I’m out, I sprint for my car.
“Damian! Get in!” Jax yells while honking. I hadn’t even noticed him because my block is so congested with vehicles. I race for his car, finding Gabe in the passenger seat, and climb in the back.
He guns the engine and we speed off. The ride is quiet except for my own thoughts screaming at me. I’ve failed another woman in my life. Another one will die because I was too useless to do anything. I should’ve done more, should’ve protected her instead of letting her do things her way. Why the fuck did I let her go alone tonight? Pain settles behind my eyes and I squeeze them shut, while the night wind whips across my face like angry lashes punishing me. I deserve worse. So much worse.
I can’t lose her; can’t bury another woman I love. I won’t survive it.I’m sorry, baby. So sorry I wasn’t there to save you. I bury my face in my hands, feeling my eyes burn like acid, unsure if they're from unshed tears or the images of him punching her that assail my mind.
After a few more minutes, the car makes a sharp right as the tires screech in protest. I see the hospital up ahead, the large beige building getting ever closer. Jax stomps on the brake pedal once we’re in front of the Emergency Room and the car careens to a stop.
I jump out, racing toward answers, hoping it’s not as bad as I think it is. Once inside, I jog straight ahead to the front desk. I approach an older woman, who looks up at me through red-rimmed glasses.
“Lilah McDaniels was brought in earlier.” I grip the cold counter, taking slow, shallow breaths, the heaviness back in my chest. “Tell me where she is. I need to see her.”
She continues to stare, her brown eyes filling with compassion. “Are you a friend or family member?”
“I’m her—boyfriend.” It feels wrong to say we’re friends. I fucking love her. I won’t lie anymore.
“Okay. One moment. Let me check.”
I tap my fingers impatiently while she types on her keyboard, every stroke driving me further into insanity.Hurry up. My Lilah is here somewhere. Is she conscious? She must be so scared.
I take out the phone from my pocket and send a text to Logan.
Damian: We’re here. Where are you? Is she OK? Meet us at the front waiting room.
The reply comes immediately.
Logan: She’s in surgery. I’ve been sitting in the waiting area inside, but they haven’t told me shit. I’m coming now.
Surgery?Fuck! My stomach tightens while madness rolls through me like violent waves in a tsunami. I need to find him and cut off every limb until he’s nothing but a head. He won’t get away with this.
Just then footsteps approach. I turn around and the guys are there with Lexi. Jax holds her as she cries, her hand gripping his T-shirt. “I got you, babe,” he says, looking down at her, while she wipes at her face. And for the first time since I’ve known him, I see something that I’ve never seen before. He cares for her. I’m too worried about Lilah to think about what this means.
I turn back around and stare to the right at the double doors that lead further into the hospital. I should make a run for it. Maybe security won’t get to me before I find her. Suddenly, the doors open, and Logan comes out. His hands and the knees of his jeans are covered in blood.
Her blood.
His black T-shirt is probably stained too but it’s impossible to see. I can’t keep my eyes off of his hands as he stands next to me.What did he do to you, baby? An ache lodges in my throat but I quash it down.
“I’m sorry, Damian. I should’ve done more.” I can hear the guilt in his voice, but this isn’t his fault, it’s mine. I did this.
“There’s nothing you could’ve done, you got her out of there,” I say, flatly. He lets out a deep sigh and places his bloody hands in his pockets.
