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“You know D, since I have Lexi’s number, I can put in a good word for you with Lilah. We all know I have way more game than you.”
“I’m good. And even if I were dating, the girl has a boyfriend.” I rub my brow, feeling a headache brewing. “You guys have to stop trying to hook me up. If I need some, I have no problem getting it.”
“Okay, if you don’t want her, then I do. She’s hot as hell. Did you see that ass?” Of course I saw that ass, but I don’t like that he saw it.
I clench my jaw, the anger mounting, its swirling vortex ready to swallow me whole. “Stop talking about her ass. But more importantly, keep your hands off of her. I’m not joking, Jax.” I spit out the words through gritted teeth. “Don’t even look at her. Her boyfriend’s clearly an asshole. She doesn’t need someone else messing with her.”
Jax starts laughing his head off. “Damn! I knew you liked her!” He continues pestering me. “Listen man, I’m just glad you finally showed some real interest. Maybe she was the kick in the balls you needed. See what happens when you come out with us?” He punches me on the shoulder. “So many prospects you’ve been missing out on, D.”
They’ve only seen me talk to two women and I barely had an interest then. It was just sex a few times. That’s all. I never gave a shit about who they’ve slept with either, so seeing me this pissed at the thought of Jax touching her, well that’s new territory for all of us.
I’ve had enough of tonight. I need to go home before Jax starts finding me more women. “Well, this has been a lot of fun. But I have to get out of here.”
“Ignore him. Stay and hang out some more. He won’t bother you again,” Gabe says, glaring at Jax.
“Nah man, I’m good. I gotta go see that apartment tomorrow morning anyway.” Jax’s friend owns the building, so he set up an appointment for me. He’s good for something after all.
All kidding aside, Jax is a good friend and the most loyal guy I know. He’d do anything for the people he loves. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t a royal pain in my ass sometimes. Okay, a lot of the time. But there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him, for both of them.
The three of us have been through a lot together since we met in Delta training. We lost friends during our missions and that loss affected us all differently. Jax stopped taking life seriously, and aside from us and his family, he doesn’t get close to anyone. His focus became random hookups, work, and partying. He hasn’t changed much.
We say our goodbyes and I Uber it home.
I’m still thinking about Lilah on the drive back. What did her friend mean when she said her boyfriend was an asshole? Why was she looking at me so intently? I lean my head against the backseat, replaying the entire night. She’s so my type. Girl next door with a little sass. I let out a heavy sigh. I gotta forget her though. This constant obsession will do me no good.
After I make it home, I jump in the shower. I hope this whole apartment deal works out. My current one bedroom is getting too small for me. I want to get some home-gym equipment, so I need the extra space. I have enough money in the bank to buy a house, but I have no desire for the suburban life. I don’t want the things I can’t have constantly glaring me in the face.
The hot stream of water beats over my head before crawling down my body. The steam fills the room while my thoughts once again drift to Lilah. The way she flipped me off was so hot. If she only knew what I wanted to do to her for that. Just picturing all those tight curves in the shower, pressed up against me… “Fuck.”
I reach down and turn the cold water on, icing my dangerous thoughts. Then I quickly get out, throw on some clothes, and go to bed, hoping to drown out the thoughts of her. It’s too bad that my dreams have a mind of their own.
Chapter 2
Lilah
When people look at me, they probably see an ordinary woman with an equally ordinary life, and in some regards that’s true. I’ve lived in Brooklyn since I was born, twenty-seven years ago. I did what many people do. I went to college, got my degree, and chose a career path. I wanted to go to law school, but I didn’t want the debt associated with it. I decided becoming a paralegal was the next best thing. I got my paralegal’s certificate and have been working for a small personal injury law firm in Manhattan for two years now. So, if you’ve been hurt and want to sue for monetary compensation, you know who to call.
My boyfriend and I’ve been together since our freshman year in college. We sat next to each other during our freshman orientation and the rest was history. He was the most handsome boy I’ve ever seen with the rarest colored eyes. Looking into his blue-green eyes felt as though I was drowning in the ocean and I welcomed the waves. But now, I’m fighting the current, swimming for all I’m worth to escape the riptide.
We weren’t shy about our desires for one another. Being young and infatuated will do that. Our eyes danced with flirtation as we stole glances, not caring if we were caught. He’s been embedded in my mind since the day we met, even when I wanted him gone.
I remember when he saw me looking at his full lips. He smirked in the sexiest way and I felt the warmth creep into my cheeks causing me to look away. I thought he’d hear my heart beat from where he sat; like it was frantically trying to leap out of my chest and bond with his. Being around him felt electrifying and I devoured the feeling.
After orientation, he introduced himself and asked if I wanted to go grab some coffee. I immediately agreed. I was a new student and already had a date. Life couldn’t be better.
Our conversation was easy and playful. We talked about our plans after college and discussed our families. I learned he had an older brother and that his parents are both still together, unlike mine who divorced when I was ten. I haven’t seen my father since. I was envious, yet happy he still had his dad in his life.
He liked touching me, our comfort growing as the conversation flowed for hours. I truly don’t know what he saw in me. I never felt adequate or beautiful enough growing up, so to have an attractive guy pay attention to me felt amazing.
We spent almost every day together and our relationship blossomed into love quickly after that. Ash was my rock and study partner throughout my years in college. Even though we majored in different things, we still helped each other succeed. I don’t know what I would’ve done without him. He’s currently a successful accountant with a large firm in Manhattan.
He lives in Brooklyn too, in one of the homes his family owns. He’s been wanting me to move in with him and has brought up marriage several times in the past, but it’s not something I can picture myself doing. Not with him. Never with him.
I haven’t been in love with him for years because his version of love hurts. It’s a chronic disease with many painful side effects for which there’s no cure. So I suffer in silence, aching everywhere. But it’s my mind which hurts the most. That’s where it all stays. It never leaves. Whoever said time heals all wounds, is a liar. Time doesn’t heal shit.
Yeah, my life seems ordinary and probably picture perfect to everyone else. But no matter how normal someone’s life may appear to be on the outside, it’s probably not. Their beautiful façade may have ugliness trapped underneath. Sometimes faking it is the only way to survive.
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