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“Hey babe, where were you?” His tone cracking like a fire ready to ignite, the anger in his voice is clearly evident.
“Sorry. I was getting coffee and I couldn’t get to my phone with the cup in my hand.”
“Okay.” He sounds suspicious.Oh no. “Make sure you’re ready by seven-thirty tonight. We have reservations. And wear that red, lace dress I like. You know, the one with the open back?”
“Sure, no problem. I’m looking forward to our date.” I hear the tremble in my voice. My blood is laced with utter dread, thrumming throughout my entire body, flooding it with apprehension. I’m hoping I sound more believable to him than I do to myself.
“Is everything okay? You sound upset.”Damn it. His voice is colored by a touch of barely concealed venom.
“Yeah, sorry. I’m just nervous. I have this big case I’m assisting with on Monday and I have to do some research for it, but the coffee shop was so slow this morning it’s really put me behind. I can’t wait to see you.” Every word is forged on a lie. “How’s work going?” I ask, hoping to distract him.
“It’s fine, just dealing with some bullshit paperwork. You had me worried for a second,” he laughs nervously. “I thought you were still mad about what happened last night. I overreacted. I know that.”
My body itches, like I just broke out in hives.Overreacted? Ha! Is that what he calls it?I brush off his so-called apology because there’s no excuse for his actions. “I wasn’t ignoring you. I promise. It’s just this case that has me worried. I’m not ending things. What would I do without you?”
Live.I would live.
“I’ll even put on those black heels you love so much.” Maintaining his happiness is the only tool I have to keep the devil at bay. Most days I feel like a fraud and a pathetic failure. On the really bad days, I want to end it all. No more pain, or bruises, or lies built upon lies just to survive. Only peace.
“Mmm, be careful. We may never leave then,” he says in a sultry voice. “Okay babe, I have to get back to work. See you tonight. Love you.”
“Okay, see ya tonight. Love you too.” I don’t waste a second hanging up. The bile rolls in my stomach. My appetite now gone, I toss my coffee away in a nearby trashcan.
* * *
DAMIAN
“So, let me get this straight. The hot girl from the bar is your neighbor?” Jax asks, laughing uncontrollably.
“I’m glad my life is so comical to you.”
“Come on man, even you have to admit it’s pretty crazy. Did you tell her you're in love with her yet?” he asks.
I threaten to throw the box I’m holding at him and he jumps back laughing his ass off.
“Are you going to help us unpack this shit Jax, or are you just going to sit there and gossip like an old woman?” Gabe asks. He’s our referee, always sticking up for me whenever Jax teases me for not sleeping around or dating anyone. Gabe knows I can be a little sensitive about my lack of a love life.
Sometimes, I wonder what it’d be like to just say fuck it and find someone to settle down with. I want kids, the white picket fence, and maybe even a dog in the yard. I want everything. I think about that life a lot more than a man of thirty probably should.
I see my kids jumping on me as I throw them on the bed, their laughter filling my veins with sweet contentment. I picture holding my wife tightly in my arms as we sway in a hammock, watching our kids run around in a large yard. I imagine what it would feel like to have her body wrapped around mine after making love and how good she’d feel in my arms as we fall asleep. What would it feel like to have her warm hands cradling my face telling me I’m the only one she needs?
I’ll never know.
That life will never be mine. Meaningless sex is what I have grown to accept. I don’t even have much of that because it holds very little appeal. I rub the back of my head to ward off the headache I feel approaching.
We finish assembling the gray bedroom furniture and move on to the dining room. I wanted to upgrade what I previously had. I’m not much of a designer, so I chose whatever the salesperson recommended. She said something about glass being a modern upscale look, so I went with a glass table and white, upholstered leather chairs.
We move on to unpacking all my crap and as I open one of the boxes, I come to the sudden realization that in each scenario of the future I had just pictured, the woman I envisioned next to me was Lilah.
Chapter 4
Lilah
After a shopping trip and a quick run to the bookstore, I make it back home by six and start getting ready for tonight. Exiting the shower, I wrap myself in a towel and straighten my hair into a sleek style. My makeup is sultry, with black eyeliner on both my top and bottom lids. Some nude lipstick topped with lip-gloss completes my look.
I slip into the dress he requested. It has a heart-shaped open back that slides all the way down to my lower back, and a boat cut top that shows off my shoulders. It accentuates my narrow waist and larger hips to my liking, but I would’ve preferred to wear something else tonight. It’s too bad he doesn’t care what I want. Just a few more finishing touches to my makeup, and I should be done.
The loud tapping on my door interrupts my preparations. It’s only seven. I hate when he’s early. I slam my makeup brush down on the vanity a little harder than I should’ve, then push my chair back and head toward the unwavering sound. He taps again.
