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A sense of panic washes over me. Did I fuck everything up before we even got a chance to explore what this is between us?
When I pull into the lot, I see there’s still a light on in her window. I park and climb out, growing more and more nervous with each step.
Raising my hand, I knock on her door and wonder why it feels like this is a mistake.
SEVEN
Gracie
I’m aboutto head to bed when someone knocks on my door. I yawn, wondering who that could be so late at night.
I’m surprised but happy to see Ken standing there. He’s in his typical doctor uniform with dark slacks and a white button-up. The collar looks wrinkled, and a few buttons are undone at the top and bottom of his shirt, making him look even more disheveled. It’s obvious the guy is drowning in stress.
“Ken,” I say, blinking rapidly, suddenly wide awake as I see him standing at my door. “What are you doing here?”
“I just wanted to see you. Can I come in?” he asks with a boyish smile. The exhaustion melts away when he looks at me like that. I nod, opening the door wider for him.
“I got you a hot chocolate. I’m sorry that I couldn’t make dinner tonight.”
“Oh,” I say in surprise as I take the warm, sugary drink off his hands. “It’s okay. I know you’re busy.”
I tell him that but I’m not sure that I believe it. At least not the part about it being okay. He canceled on me an hour before we were supposed to meet. I was so looking forward to seeing him and talking to him face to face instead of through text. But then he canceled and I may have thrown myself a little pity party.
I can’t help but wonder if this is how being with Ken is always going to be. I’m okay with coming second to work sometimes. I understand he’s a doctor and there will be emergencies. But he canceled tonight to catch up on paperwork. There will always be busywork or administrative tasks that need to be done. Coming in second place to data entry doesn’t feel great.
“The new nurse didn’t work out and I had to fire her,” he says as he sets the pastry bag on the kitchen counter.
“Oh no! What happened?” I imagine her messing up shots between patients or leaking private information or something equally offensive.
“She was late for starters.”
I stare at him, praying that things are worse than just the girl being a few minutes late on her first day. I nod, encouraging him to continue.
“Then she took over an hour on her lunch break and right before we were about to close, she knocked over this stack of patient records that needed to be entered into the system,” he says, rolling his eyes and letting out an annoyed huff. I wonder if he’s joking.
“That’s it?” I ask, trying not to show him how upset I’m getting. His reasons for firing the nurse sound harsh and I can’t stop the doubt from creeping in. How long before he realizes that I’m not perfect and doesn’t want me to keep me around either? What if I’m a few minutes late or knock a stack of papers over?
“That’sit?” he scoffs. “It’s kind of a lot of mistakes.”
For a first day?
I nod, not meeting his eyes. My heart plummets and I blink back tears.
“What’s wrong?” Ken asks, his voice soft and slightly confused.
“Nothing,” I say way too fast. I can feel my nose starting to get red, the same way it does every time I lie.
“You know you’re a terrible liar, right?” he asks, stepping closer to me. Ken tips my chin up with his finger, then cups my cheek.
“Yeah,” I sigh. He cracks a smile, and even with my confusing emotions, it makes my belly flip to see it.
“So, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”
“I’m just a little afraid,” I admit, my fingers twisting together nervously. I know I have to tell him my concerns, but it’s freaking hard standing up for myself. Especially when my childhood was filled with my father tearing me down every chance he got.
“What are you afraid of, my sweet Gracie?” he asks, concern coloring his words.
I take a deep breath and shore up the courage to say what I need to say. “I’m afraid that I won’t measure up. How long before I stop meeting your standards?”
