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—
The reception is lovely.
Lilliana and I did most of the planning together, and it came out beautifully. There are lilies and peonies everywhere, the caterer we chose made a fantastic meal, and the wine selections are perfect. The cake is exactly what I wanted, a towering confection with sugar seed pearls trailing over it and frosting flowers to match the decorations, and I see a bemused smile on Theo’s face as we walk over to it to cut it, the first of the motions that I’m going to have to go through tonight.
“Was this your choice?” he asks as I reach for the knife, and I nod, wondering why he even cares. He’s made a point of complimenting the choices I and Lilliana made throughout the night, and it’s confusing to me. I’d expected him to get through the pomp and circumstance of the reception mutely, or to leave me to go and talk to the other men here, but he seems dead set on enjoying his own wedding. It’s the last thing that I’d thought would happen.
“It was,” I tell him, sliding the knife through the layers of chocolate and coconut—also my choice—and taking out a small piece to feed him. I raise my fingers to his lips, intending to make it quick, but his eyes catch mine as he makes a point of brushing them against my fingertips as he takes the bite of cake, and another burst of warmth blossoms through me.
What is he doing? What sort of game is he playing at?
I let him do the same, wondering if he’s going to smear my makeup with it or feed it to me nicely. I almost hope for the former, just so I have a reason to be angry with him. Instead, he gently takes a small piece and slips it into my mouth, and as I taste the sugar bursting over my tongue, he presses his fingertips lightly against my lower lip. There’s heat in his eyes, a promise of desire for later, and I suddenly wish that our first dance wasn’t coming up next.
Being in his arms is going to prove to be more of a challenge than I thought.
There’s cheering as we finish feeding each other the cake, and I hear the first strains of the music that Lilliana chose for our first dance start. I hadn’t known what to pick—there’s nothing meaningful for an arranged marriage—and so she’d chosen some classical piece, something pretty and empty of any real significance. If Theo has any thoughts about it, he doesn’t say them as he leads me out onto the gleaming wooden dance floor, his hand on my waist as the music swells.
I’m all too aware of how close he is to me, how hard and lean his body feels brushing against mine, how, in only a few hours, those layers of fabric will be stripped away, and I’ll know exactly what lies beneath them.
I don’t hate the thought of that as much as I should.
His hand is warm, even through the lace of my dress. “You look beautiful,” he murmurs, those green eyes still on mine. It’s as if he enjoys looking at me, as if he likes the sight of me in his arms. “I can’t imagine that there’s ever been a more beautiful bride.”
“Lilliana said the same thing this morning,” I murmur, and he laughs.
“She’s a smart woman, then. I’ve never had much of an occasion to meet her before this.”
“She’s good for my brother. They hated each other when they got married. But eventually—”
“She came around?” His lips twitch, and mine thin, catching his implication.
“They both did,” I say shortly, looking away as he turns me in a circle.
“Sometimes arrangements can work out better than expected,” Theo says quietly. “If both parties want to make it work.”
That knot of anxiety in my belly tightens.What am I going to do?I wonder, trying to ignore the way I can feel the heat of his touch still burning through my dress, sending flutters of sensation through me. Everything Nikolai has told me and everything I’ve ever heard about Theo suggests that he’s a cruel man and a liar, but everything Theo has shown me suggests that he’s sincere, and that he wants to make this marriage work as much as he’s able. And if that’s true—
If that’s true, then there are other things that I don’t know how I can believe are true, either. I can’t reconcile the man Theo is showing me with the sort of man who would fuck my mother and then let her be killed, who would put a woman he cared about in that kind of danger—
Isn’t Adrik putting you in that kind of danger?He knew what he was doing, too. He’s arrogant enough or just in love enough to think the two of you won’t be hurt or that it doesn’t matter. Theo could have been the same.
But I can’t make it make sense in my head. And I can’t think about it too long, or I won’t be able to go through with tonight.
If I don’t think about it, though—
I find myself slipping into desires that can only get me into trouble.
It doesn’t matter,I tell myself firmly, as Theo turns me around again, spinning me before bringing me back into the circle of his arms.Either way, you’re doing this for your family and for your own freedom. You don’t want to be this man’s wife, and you never would have.
I list all the reasons Idon’twant him in my head as we dance. He’s twice my age. He’s my family’s enemy. He’s just another mob boss, the kind of man I was always supposed to marry and would have preferred not to. He’s never going to love me—at best, we might be companionable with each other, but nothing more. And I don’t believe that he’s really going to be faithful to me.
The last strains of the music drift away, and we go back to our table. I pour myself another glass of wine, trying to settle my nerves as I watch the guests drift out to the dance floor. I see Nikolai and Lilliana dancing, the way she looks at him—an expression on her face that I could never have imagined seeing there just a few short months ago.
So much changed, so quickly.What if it changes for me?
But that’s not possible. This is different. Nikolai had cared for Lilliana from the start, despite what she’d thought—he’d always wanted to protect her, to take care of her. They’d been at odds, but their marriage had been based on a desire to protect. My marriage to Theo is a business arrangement, and one based on revenge.
It will never be the same—and we’ll never fall in love.
