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I nod slowly, feeling that throbbing heat again mingled with cold guilt. Theo thinks he’s taking my virginity and is doingeverythingin his power to make it good for me, to be gentle and careful, and this is far from my first time. I find myself wishing, nonsensically, that I could tell him the truth.
But what the hell would I say?I’m sorry my brother lied to you and talked me into this, but I’ve been fucking my bodyguard for a month, and he’s railed me harder than I’d imagined anyone could, so this isn’t the first time I’ve had a cock in me.
Even as gentle as Theo has been, I don’t think I’d see the sunrise if I said even a fraction of that. Adrik wouldn’t see another day. And my brother and Lilliana—
I close my eyes, shutting out the thought of what could happen if I fail. If Theo realizes what we’ve done. But in a way—
In a way, so much of tonighthasfelt like the first time, because it’s never been like this before. I cling to that as the only way to salve any of my guilt, as I hear Theo’s low, rumbling voice again.
“Open your eyes, lass,” he says, gently but firmly. “I want to see your eyes on me when I’m inside you for the first time.”
His belt is off, and I see him thumb open the button at the top of his trousers, his fingers drawing down the zipper. I feel my breath catch in my throat as he starts to push them down, past his hips, and I see the short dark hair at the base of his cock in the moment before he slips his pants off, and his cock springs free.
I let out a small gasp that brings a wry smile to Theo’s lips—and a hint of concern in his eyes, too.
He’shuge. I don’t have much experience with the male anatomy, but he’s bigger than I’d realized, even from the sight of him hard behind layers of fabric. His cockhead brushes his navel, the thick shaft pressed against his abdomen, and I wonder dazedly if I could get my hand around him as he reaches for his shaft, angling himself downwards as he gives the thick length one slow stroke, his jaw tightening with pleasure as he does.
“Fuck, I need you,” he groans, his thumb brushing over the swollen tip. He’s been dripping pre-cum—it’s pearling constantly from the tip, his shaft wet and glistening, and I realize just how aroused he’s been the whole time, how much he’s been holding back. “I’ll go slowly,” he promises me, his other hand gently pressing my thigh so that my legs open wider as his hips lean forward. “The way you’re looking at my cock, lass—I want to see it slide into you—”
I have another moment’s fear that he’ll know somehow that I’m not the first as his thick cockhead presses against my entrance—but I didn’t need to worry. He’s so large that even as wet as I am, even though I’ve done this before, he’s not going to slip inside easily.
Theo lets go of his shaft, his hands on my inner thighs, holding me spread open for him as he pushes forward. For a moment, I wonder if he really won’t fit—and then suddenly, his cockhead is inside of me, stretching me. I let out a mingled cry of pleasure and startled pain that’s not unlike the first time. I hadn’t expected it, but it feels similar—and it also feelsgood.
He goes very still for a moment, letting me adjust, and then, with another small motion of his hips, slides a little deeper. Another inch, and another, and I moan, feeling the burning stretch of his cock that eases into an incredible pleasure as he goes deeper inside of me.
“Are you alright?” Theo’s voice sounds almost strangled, his gaze locked onto the sight of his cock spreading my pussy open before he finally manages to look up at my face. I can’t speak still, my throat tight with desire and fear and guilt and surprise—and other emotions I can’t begin to put a name to. But as he pushes a little deeper, he leans forward, letting go of my thighs so he can press one hand to my cheek—and his mouth against mine.
The kiss startles me as much as the pleasure of him inside of me. I kiss him back without thinking, winding my arms around his neck, and as his tongue slides into my mouth in a mimicry of his cock still thrusting slowly into me, I lose myself in how good it feels. He thrusts a little more, those last inches burying in me, and I moan into the kiss as Theo goes still again, giving me a chance to accommodate.
He feels so fucking good. I’ve never been filled so completely, almost past what my body can take, his hard body against mine, the heat of his skin and mouth, the feeling of his hands on my face and in my hair—I can’t fight it. The pleasure is building, tightening me around him, and I can’t pretend that this doesn’t feel better than anything else I’ve ever had, that this isn’t something new, something I’m going to want again.
He’d drawn it out for so long, and it was all worth it for this.
“I don’t know how long I can last, lass,” he murmurs against my lips, his hips finally moving, thrusting in long, slow strokes that leave me gasping with every one. “You’re so tight—god, so fucking good—”
I suck in another breath as he kisses me, his hips moving a little faster. “Can you come again for me?” he asks softly, sinking into me all the way, rolling his hips against me so that he suddenly rubs against a spot deep inside of me that I hadn’t even known was there.
“Yes,” I breathe without thinking, my fingers clutching at his shoulders as the pleasure builds, the idea of him coming inside of me turning me on until I’m sure that I couldn’t stop myself from coming again if I wanted to—and why would I want to? It feels so good—so fucking good, just like he said, and each hard thrust brings me closer and closer—
“Ohfuck, lass—Marika—”
Theo groans my name aloud, his hips snapping forwards as his hands dig into the pillows by my head, his body shuddering as I feel the sudden, hot flood of him coming inside of me, filling me up, and my own pleasure bursts across my skin, my orgasm joining his as I cry out and arch tightly against him. We’re tangled together, pressed as tightly against one another as two people can be, and nothing has ever felt so good, I’m certain of it.
He stays there for a long moment, breathing as heavily as I am, his chest heaving against mine. I don’t feel anything for a moment other than the elation of how good it was, the heady adrenaline of my climax still throbbing in my veins, and then slowly, the world around me comes back into focus, and I remember where I am, and who I’m with—and why.
I shift under Theo, hinting at him to roll off of me, a sick knot in my stomach replacing the pleasure of a moment before.You’re going to have to make sure to bleed on the sheet,I remind myself, the guilt sinking in a little deeper, and I find myself hoping that he’ll get up and go to the bathroom so I have a moment’s privacy.
He takes the hint, rolling off of me onto his back, one hand against his chest as he catches his breath. He’s looking up at the ceiling, and I can’t read his facial expression. I’m reminded with a start that we’re in his bedroom—ourbedroom, now—in his…ourhome. I suddenly find myself wishing that we had gone to a hotel for our wedding night after all. The intimacy of it feels almost crushing, in the current circumstances—he’s fallen asleep in this bed for god only knows how many nights, and he’ll do the same tonight, falling asleep in comfortable familiarity while I lay here and twist in the anxious discomfort of it all.
This isn’t my home, and it’s not ever going to feel like my home. I know he wanted our first time to be here for sentimental reasons—and that somehow makes it all feel worse.
“Should you leave the fire going?” I ask suddenly, looking sideways at him. “If we’re going to fall asleep.”
Theo glances at me. “It’s safe, lass,” he says. “But if you’re more comfortable, I can put it out. I think we’ve heated the room up sufficiently.”
He gives me a crooked smile, and god help me, I want to smile back. It’s the kind of thing a new husbandshouldsay to his wife, almost as if he’s picking it from a list of things he ought to say, but I can’t help feeling that he means it. That everything Theo says is genuine, and I’m the one who is the liar.
Like right now. I don’t really care if the fire is going; it’s a pleasant thing to fall asleep to, and though I’ve never had one in a bedroom before, I believe him if he says it’s safe to leave it burning low. I don’t think he has any vested interest in burning his own mansion down. But I need a moment to bleed on the sheets when he’s not paying attention, and it’s as good a chance as any.
